A sudden turn, I hope, for the better

What is this feeling, so sudden and new?

I cannot explain it, but I think it’s good

So call that a start?

The way you talk and walk

The way you smile while you read

I think it makes me happy

But I can’t tell

My happy is a cavern that’s flooded,

Flooded with sorrow and tears that slipped past the gates,

The gates left unguarded while I slept and dreamt of what could’ve been

Yet this feeling

I don’t want to live without it

An innocent addiction is what I wish to call it

But as this feeling grows

I don’t think it’s all that innocent after all

I want to be around you more than my family

And to them it’s wrong,

“Blood is thicker than water” They say

“And family comes first, always”

If I could make you my family I would, but that also seems wrong

And if I could add you to this saying, you’d be honey

“Blood may be thicker than water, but honey is and always will be more desirable.”

This is because you’re a sweet treat

Also thicker than blood, yet I consider that a plus

You’re sticky like a trap, you’re holding me captive

But what’s my cage? Is it your eyes?

So full of emotion, like dazzling oceans of hazel I always want to get lost in

But I’d go too far and be dragged under, where I’d never surface again. And yes, I can swim

But they’re a riptide of wonder and longing to know more

That I’d allow myself be pulled out further and further and further out some more

Away from the shore, eventually forgetting to swim back

Back to the shore that I’ve long forgotten existed

Back to the shore where that I’ve always loathed

Back to the shore where I’m wailing, wailing constantly and silently for help

Back to the shore where my tears mean nothing

Back to the shore where the war is never ending

And somehow that sounds okay

Like a melody of victory to me

If I allow myself to be pulled out to sea, out to the freedom I know would be waiting with a smile upon her face

I’d be happy, the happiest girl in the world

Despite the shouts and wails of my family telling me not to, no wait, it’s a mistake!

And if I did, it’d make me ponder

Would they grieve for me and me alone?

And not the girl who was quickly lost at sea, who they couldn’t control enough to keep gazing from the shore?

Or is it my rebellion?

The one I’ve been fighting since I started my doubles

The one that always gets me into trouble

And even if it was the rebellion, I think you’ve added another thing to fight for

Yet you’re not the princess looking on, locked in the tower

Laying in wait for someone to rescue you

You’re the open arms waiting for me after a battle well fought or not

The comfort and “It’s okay”s that I never got

And if I died fighting, I know you would mourn me for a little while

Before moving on with a smile

And what else could it be?

I’ve mention how you’ve always welcomed me with open arms

Maybe it’s them, holding me tight

But there’s no way I’d fight

I’ll stay until you grew tired of hugging me

Until there comes the day where I’m brave enough to hug back

Do you have an answer for me yet?

I could go on to describe what I feel

I could tell you the things I see

What I imagine when I think of you and sometimes me

And somehow, I’m letting heart decide, although the choice isn’t really that clear

The only clearest thing I have is this:

I’d run away if I could, trust me, I really, really would

But the shore keeps me shackled and chained

With tape over my mouth so I can’t scream for help

So until the tape is ripped from my mouth and the shackles and chains unlocked

I can’t swim out to sea

Or fight my war to the best of my abilities

Or be welcomed fully with your open arms

I will wait patiently and bide my time

Either to escape myself or let you rescue me

And somehow, I really want you to rescue me,

Please help me, I don’t think I can run

For I’m tired and want to be held close

Told I’m loved and that I’m beautiful despite my scars, emotional or physical

And right now, escaping seems almost impossible

I hate to give you this burden

But my eyes are heavy, my limbs are weak, my head is spinning and hurting from trying to divide lie from truth

And besides, what else can I do after struggling so long?

Fighting against the torture I feel every night?

I know I can let you remove the tape from my mouth so I can speak

And I know I can let you unshackle me and take of the chains

Because you seem to be the only one who holds the key

And the only one I can trust to know that I speak the truth

So please, I’d love for you to visit this shore

Where we can then escape and make our own

Just you and me, where we’d both be happy.