↺ f i r s t

      looking back is something

       I have always tried to avoid,

       distancing myself from all

       that once was;

       so that it doesn't swallow me whole,

      because memories can be like that :

      overwhelming and deadly to the soul

       as they lure you into their deep waters.

      him,

       though,

       I could never

       completely shake of.

       like a familiar smell,

       or an song that you haven't heard

       in a while but still know the lyrics to;

       he stays tucked in the pocket of my mind,

      neither fully ed nor forgotten;

      neither here nor there.

      but every once in a while,

       on a stroll through my old neighborhood,

       or at the mention of a past favorite book,

      he'd appear in front of my eyes -

      young,

      unchanged,

      familiar.

      he was bright;

      bright smiles and bright mind,

       easy grins and silly jokes  

       yelled across the classroom,

       friendly teasing whispered

       under teacher's harsh gaze.

      he was green;

      green sneakers and green notebook,

      countless hours spent in nature and

       sun-kissed freckles blooming on his skin

       as he'd run and play and live.

      and he was lavender;

      lavender scent and lavender soul

       as we talked and talked until our dreams

      became so close and so real that we could

      almost taste them at the tip

      of our tongues.

      but just as I by my old neighborhood,

      or the topic changes from my

       favorite literature,

       he would fade away again,

       each time a little faster,

       and a little quieter.

      I just hope he'll never completely

      fade away.

#FirstLove