—In search of a home; my home.

I know it must be safe,

happy and thriving,

for you wouldn't want

to come back to a place --

all forlorn, chaotic

you want to wake up to

the sunrays softly

stroking your face,

and the breeze beating

against your windows

when you can't

close your eyes at night.

It's been long.

It's been long -

since I'm missing

my own, warm,

slow-paced breath,

my hands are cold

for a different reason.

I'm searching.

I'm searching for that warmth

and maybe many of us are,

rather I'm asking again

for things that aren't meant for me;

perhaps, will never be my belonging.

I am too silly to have faith.

I am too silly to think that,

the good things are unbeknown to me;

is it time that I accept

not everything is for everyone?

the home I'm in search of

won't ever be the one for me.

I feel so deafeated.

I have so much love to give,

it's hard to make choices

but I decide anyway

I am all about giving love,

standing still, holding on, waiting

knocking down my walls,

but what do I do when

I have no one to share my love with,

no one to share my life with,

no one to build my home with.

Is it supposed to be this difficult?

I have been strong,

for so long,

sometimes, it becomes difficult

even to breathe.

I had so much faith in love,

it's all fleeting now.

I'm tired of holding on

in hopes of it getting better,

seeing happier days emerge.

they are far, too far.

It's been long,

and I'm still searching.

I can't write better than this, I'm so sorry. I just needed to let stuff out.

[ #Jan21Prompt ]

Image does not belong

to me, ctto!