Drifting through my todays as they merge with my tomorrows,
And forming a mush of irrational feelings,
That I must pour through the sieve and filter through layers of norms.
Because as midnight draws in,
I realize just how many more seconds of my life I've lost,
Cribbing about what could've been.
Seething about what should've been.
23:59 to 00:01.
I lose myself in the chaos of 'what if's' for the rising day.
Because honestly, what defines me outside of those two minutes, will never be ed for.
I regurgitate my fears through my tears.
And more often than not, I swallow my happiness in the likes of bitter pills.
Because to the world, I'm no more than another stringed puppet, dancing to the whims of those who hold a higher position of authority than I,
And to show emotions to the ones who feel bound to dictating every other aspect of my life,
Is something I'd rather avoid.
Sitting next to the windowsill, staring across the horizon
Silence haunts my nights yet deserts me at the strike of dawn.
Which is understandable because honestly, what needs can one even hold
When their whole life, they've been told to lose their wants.
And similarly, when their curse is to gain no more than the barest of necessities,
One is undoubtedly going to grow cynical of hunts that bear hefty bounties.
What brews Disgust if not our own jurisdiction?
What yields Pride if not our own distortions?
What feeds Gluttony if not our own desires?
Is it a prejudice if I were to hold myself in contempt for falling into the ubiquitous stereotypes?
At times, a fog renders my mind useless.
At times, I wonder what defines my thoughts if they can't stabilize themselves and hold onto the pedestal on which I insist they rest?
Are they even my thoughts then, if I can't determine where they stand?
This gap between what we deemed real and what truly belonged to be acknowledged as reality,
Is large enough to separate us from those thoughts that were supposedly ours, for good.
And soon enough, once the line between desires and requirements blurs to the extent that we are afoot on both territories under the delusion that we're in neither,
We lose. We fall. We plunge through the bottomless void of that mindspace;
And lose ourselves through the journey.
Or maybe we remain standing.
Stranded in-transit,
Where you can neither gain anything, because your requirements are too meagre;
And nor lose anything, because your desires are abysmally low.
pc- pinterest.
//It just spiraled out of control, I wrote this past 3am after waking up from a very odd nightmare, and I'm literally too braindead to even try ing the exact premise so like...yeah
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