The Balancing Act: Managing Life, My Practice & Mental Illness

TW: mental health struggles; anxiety; mention of breakdown; a very brief theme that involves death.

So, it’s officially been a year since I had a mental breakdown. To explain a little about what I went through, I essentially was dealing with chronic illness and a very difficult time keeping up with the demands at a technical college for funeral directing and embalming where I also needed to drive two hours to and from everyday. My anxiety, almost daily panic attacks and stress got so intense that I was left bedridden with neck, shoulders and back spasms that caused aura migraines for 2 months after I finally itted to myself that i just simply couldn’t finish my studies despite having a very good gpa. Once i was starting to finally recover, my body got stuck in flight mode and suffered with panic attacks mid sleep that ended up causing me insomnia.

In the end, i got itted part time into a mental hospital and got the help i needed, the medication that I’m forever grateful for and a diagnosis that needless to say made complete sense. I have Generalized anxiety disorder and Panic Disorder and what i went through was just too much for me to handle.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder means that even when there’s no clear reason, my mind finds something to worry about. It’s like having a built-in alarm system that never shuts off. Panic disorder adds another layer: there are moments when an attack comes out of nowhere, leaving me feeling helpless and disconnected from the present. These experiences are not just fleeting moments of stress, they shape how I navigate daily tasks, relationships, and my practice.

My practice, religion and the Goddess Minerva have been my anchor through it all. However, the same mental health challenges that disrupt my day can also make it difficult to stay connected to that anchor. Even when I’m on medication or using other coping strategies, there are times when anxiety interferes with my focus and drains my energy. It’s a delicate balancing act: nurturing my practice while managing the unpredictable nature of my mental health.

I’ve come to understand that this balancing act is a continuous journey rather than a destination. There are successes and setbacks, and that’s okay. Along the way, I’ve learned the importance of giving myself grace (even when it’s hard sometimes) and recognizing that it’s alright to move at my own pace and take things slow and steady. Instead of forcing myself into a rigid structure that only adds stress through obligations, I’ve found comfort in embracing more intuitive, heartfelt connections. This means tuning into the present moment and allowing my path to unfold naturally, rather than adhering strictly to paradigms or rituals. Each moment, whether challenging or uplifting, teaches me more about resilience and self-comion, and reminds me that sometimes the best approach is simply to be present and trust my inner guidance.

Managing life, my practice, and my mental health is a daily balancing act filled with ups and downs. I don’t have all the answers, but I’ve learned that embracing the journey (with all its imperfections) allows for growth and connection. If you’re navigating a similar path, know that you’re not alone, and every step you take is a victory.