Wrestlemania 38 Rant

What a fucking Weekend! Side note gonna start doing star ratings for this things as I just wanna test it out.

Smackdown Tag Team Championships The Usos(c) def. Shinsuke Nakamura and Rick Boogs Grade: B

Bit difficult to rate this one given that the match itself had to be cut short due to the legit injury of Rick Boogs after he attempted some kind of fireman's carry/samoan drop thing on both twins, tearing his patella. It was a real shame as the match was looking good up until the impromptu ending. Usos got the victory with a swift 1-D on Nakamura to retain the titles.

Drew McIntyre def. Happy Corbin Grade B-

Madcap Moss accompanied Happy Corbin to the ring for his match against Drew McIntyre. These two men have faced each other well over a dozen times in different situations, so many fans went into this match hoping this would be the final chapter of their story.

The Scottish Warrior tried to get the upper hand right away with some big punches, but Corbin is a former Golden Gloves boxer and did not go down without a fight.

They had a good pace going for a few minutes, but they slowed it way down once Corbin began to dominate the action. An accidental distraction from Madcap allowed McIntyre to hit a spinebuster and begin his comeback.

The Scot became the first person to kick out of The End of Days and then hit his patented Claymore Kick for the win. McIntyre threatened Madcap with his sword afterward and ended up cutting two of the ring ropes instead.

While it had a couple of slow points, this was probably the best match Corbin and McIntyre have had during this feud. They had good physicality and helped each other look good.

The fact that WWE protected Corbin's finisher for so long is a rarity in WWE and pro wrestling as a whole

The Miz and Logan Paul def. The Mysterios B+

Rey and Dominik Mysterio made their way out to a warm welcome as they prepared to take on The Miz and his influencer friend, Logan Paul.

After a little jaw-jacking, The Miz and Rey started for their teams. And Paul showed his heel side early by distracting Rey long enough for The A-Lister to get the upper hand.

Paul had a few moments in the ring with Rey before The Miz and Dom tagged in and started going at it. Once the heels had control again, they kept Dominik isolated by cutting the ring in half. After what McIntyre did, it feels necessary to point out that they did not actually cut the ring in half.

Paul hit Rey with Eddie Guerrero's signature Three Amigos suplexes, and the crowd booed more than you would have thought possible. Rey and Dom hit him with a double 619 followed by two frog splashes, but The Miz spoiled their ending by making a blind tag and hitting Rey with his finisher for the win.

As they were celebrating their huge win, The Miz hit Paul with the Skull Crushing Finale. The crowd popped and we may have just watched him turn babyface whether he wants to or not.

As annoying and controversial as Paul can be, there is no denying he put in the work to make sure he did not embarrass himself here. Not only did he hold his own, but he also had a few impressive moments.

This was a typical celebrity match, but Rey and The Miz being the veterans they are meant it had a little extra shine on it. Expectations for this were low before the event, so it's safe to say this bout exceeded them.

RAW Women's Championship Bianca Belair def. Becky Lynch(c) Grade: A+

WWE chief brand officer Stephanie McMahon came out to introduce Gable Steveson between matches. This was just a quick wave from the ramp before we got to the Raw women's title bout.

The company gave both women special entrances for this rematch. Lynch had a Marvel-inspired video play before she came out while The EST of WWE was played to the ring by a marching band.

The bell rang but neither woman rushed to lock up. They took in the huge ovation from the crowd before Belair extended her hand as a sign of respect. Lynch slapped it away and hit the Manhandle Slam for a close two-count shortly afterward.

After The EST escaped a repeat of her swift SummerSlam defeat, she had to kick out of several more attempted pins. She used Lynch's own submission against her but was unable to make her tap out. They took the fight out of the ring, and Big Time Becks sent her challenger into the steel steps.

After failing to get the win with a beautiful 450 splash, Belair took a Man-handle Slam onto the steps. They kept the fight as competitive as possible right up until the end when The EST hit the KOD for the win. The crowd erupted as she was handed the belt.

A lot of fans were expecting this to be similar to SummerSlam, but with Belair winning this time. Thankfully, that was not the case. WWE gave them big entrances and more than enough time to make sure this was a great match.

This wasn't a technical clinic or a high-flying showcase, even though this had a bit of both styles. This felt more like a fight with a lot of aggression. Both women were doing their best to put each other away instead of working together to put on a choreographed routine. They made it feel almost real.

This was the first bout that felt truly worthy of being on the WrestleMania card. Everything about it was as close to perfect as you can get.

Cody Rhodes def. Seth "Freakin" Rollins Grade: A

After a video package recapped Seth Rollins' journey to WrestleMania, he came to the ring looking like the happiest man on the planet. He had an entire choir singing his entrance music on the stage.

After some pyro went off and the lights went down, Cody Rhodes' music hit and he made his way out to a huge pop from the fans. He looked elated to be back in front of the WWE Universe, but Rollins did not seem to share the crowd's feelings.

The American Nightmare controlled the first couple of minutes and showed off for the crowd a bit. The Visionary got in a few good shots before he and Rhodes started brawling.

The match was a fantastic display of what you would call "big-match wrestling." They played to the crowd, sold the big spots and made each other look like a million bucks. Rollins was a perfect choice to be Rhodes' first opponent back in WWE.

The story here seemed to be that these two were equal in almost every way. They countered each other several times to show they knew each other's playbook. Even though this wasq Rhodes' big return, it was not a one-sided fight. Rollins made him work for his win.

After both men failed to put each other away with several of their biggest moves, Rhodes picked up the victory by hitting the Cross Rhodes twice followed by a series of jabs with a Bionic Elbow and a third Cross Rhodes to seal the deal. This was a fantastic way to make his return.

It's great to see The Grandson of a Plumber back in WWE, and it's going to be interesting to see what happens with him next.

Smacksown Women's Championship Charlotte Flair(c) def. Ronda Rousey Grade: B

After a long break with several video packages and a Hall of Fame acknowledgment, Ronda Rousey made her way to the ring to challenge Charlotte Flair for the SmackDown Women's Championship.

As soon as they locked up, it was clear this was going to be a physical exchange. They were not trying to make anything look smooth or pretty. This was about making it look like they were having a fight.

The Queen focused a lot of her offense on Rousey's leg to set herself up for the Figure Eight. Rowdy Ronda used a more comprehensive approach with her offense and focused on dishing out as much damage as possible.

They did a good job making this feel competitive, but it didn't quite reach the level WWE was probably hoping for. It's hard to say exactly what was missing, but it felt like there was something this match needed to push it over the edge. Maybe it went a little too long, or maybe it just fell short of the two bouts that preceded it.

RAW Tag Team Championships RK-Bro(c) def. Alpha Academy and Street Profits Grade: B

This was one of the top three matches of the night, though. They worked their butts off to make sure this was not just another forgettable chapter in their long-running feud. When the dust settled, Flair scored the win with a big boot to retain her title.

The night's opening match saw RK-Bro's Randy Orton and Riddle successfully retain their Raw Tag Team Championship in a Triple Threat match against The Street Profits and Alpha Academy.

A high-energy three-way bout that featured one member from each team in the ring at the same time, it was the perfect choice to kick off the show.

The crowd was into it, the competitors were amped up and the Orton hot tag sparked a phenomenal finishing sequence that concluded with The Viper catching Chad Gable with an RKO mid-flight for the win.

The Profits showed respect to the victors post-match, suggesting the recently teased heel turn will not move forward. Given the lack of depth in the tag division, it is likely for the best that Montez Ford and Angelo Dawkins stay fan favorites.

This was a fantastic way to kick off the show and set the bar for the rest of the broadcast

Bobby Lashley def. Omos Grade: D

The unstoppable force met the immovable object in the night's second match as Bobby Lashley looked to halt Omos' momentum.

He succeeded, delivering a massive vertical suplex to the former tag team champion and following up with two Spears for the pinfall victory.

The match was mercifully short and Omos was not asked to do too much. Of course, what he was asked to do, he managed to mess up by sending The All Mighty's head into the turnbuckle.

Still, Lashley went over to end the big man's dominance in what was the right call. One man is a former world champion, the other is probably not ready to go it alone as a singles star

Johnny Knoxville def. Sami Zayn Grade: B

One of the most fun, original matches in WrestleMania history featured Johnny Knoxville and Sami Zayn in an Anything Goes contest.

Hijinx ensued, with Zayn punishing Knoxville early before of the Jackass cast, including Chris Pontius and Wee Man, provided distractions and allowed their leader to get back into the fight.

Knoxville used a taser, a bowling ball and a giant mousetrap among other items to ultimately pin Zayn before celebrating with his friends.

This match was going to go one of two ways: It was either going to be a cluster of massive proportions that embarrassed everyone involved or a total blast.

Fortunately, it was the latter and both performers deserve props for crafting a match that kept the fans invested and entertained throughout.

This was a great example of garbage wrestling done at an elite level and perhaps Zayn's greatest accomplishment in his WWE run.

Women's Tag Team Championships Sasha Banks and Naomi def. Carmella and Queen Zelina(c) Rhea Ripley and Liv Morgan and Natalya and Shayna Baszler Grade: C

Sasha Banks and Naomi, Natalya and Shayna Baszler, and Liv Morgan and Rhea Ripley challenged Queen Zelina and Carmella for the WWE Women's Tag Team Championship in a Fatal 4-Way match.

A spotty contest, with almost too much going on for its own good, saw Banks and Naomi use tandem offense to score the pinfall on Carmella and the titles.

The effort was there and all eight women were highlighted well, but with so many competitors looking to get their stuff in, the match consisted more of spots and flashy sequences than any easily tracked narrative.

One of the two babyface teams had to win here and, given the fact that Banks had competed at six WrestleManias without a win, this was as good a time as any to right that wrong.

The Boss and Naomi are a dynamic team and will hopefully inspire the creative team to take the tag titles seriously.

Edge def. AJ Styles Grade: B

Arguably the most anticipated match on the card among die-hard fans, AJ Styles vs. Edge did not disappoint.

A lengthy contest that started slow but built to its false finishes and high spots, it saw The Rated-R Superstar score the win after a momentary distraction from Damian Priest.

The former United States champion popped up at ringside, momentarily preventing Styles from delivering the Phenomenal Forearm. Edge capitalized and used a Spear that earned the Hall of Famer the win.

Was the contest the Match of the Year candidate that many expected it to be? No, but it was still a strong bout full of great in-ring psychology. Styles sold like a champ for Edge's arm work, while The Rated-R Superstar put over The Phenomenal One's late burst perfectly.

Priest's involvement sets up a potential star-making partnership with Edge. Most importantly, the finish suggests the feud with Styles will continue, giving them ample opportunity to improve upon this match.

Ridge Holland and Sheamus def. The New Day Grade: C-

The match between The New Day and the team of Sheamus and Ridge Holland was deemed expendable on Saturday, so it was never expected to be a memorable contest. And it wasn't.

The sprint of a bout was more spots than anything, culminating with Holland pinning Xavier Woods following Northern Grit.

Why WWE continuously feels the need to put Sheamus and Holland over is a question only it can answer, but this felt like an opportune time to give Kingston and Woods the nod.

Instead, the same team that has won everything for the last two months scored another win that did nothing to elevate them or make the feud any more meaningful.

Pat McAfee def. Austin Theory Grade: B-

Pat McAfee showed up and showed out Sunday night, and he defeated Austin Theory in a match the Dallas fans were red hot for.

Raw athleticism from McAfee and solid heel work from Theory combined to make for a fun bout that exceeded expectations. Theory's ego proved costly as he tried for A-Town Down, only for McAfee to roll him up and grab a handful of tights for the win.

This was not an instance like earlier in the night, where Sami Zayn was instrumental in the overall success of his match with Johnny Knoxville. McAfee held his own, performed up to the moment and should be allowed back in the ring whenever the opportunity presents itself.

The post-match, which saw an impromptu bout between McAfee and Mr. McMahon, threatened to undo everything accomplished by the first match, though. The WWE chairman made the former NFL kicker look like a geek before earning a "win."

Championship "Unification" Match Roman Reigns(Universal Champion) vs Brock Lesnar(WWE Champion) Grade: B-

The Biggest WrestleMania Match of All Time may have pitted the two biggest stars in sports entertainment against one another, with both the WWE and Universal Championships on the line, but it did not quite live up to the billing.

Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar delivered the heavy-hitting battle you would hope for, but the suddenness of the finish, preceded by an ugly Spear spot, put a damper on the proceedings.

The Tribal Chief escaping the F-5 and delivering a Spear to win, seemingly out of nowhere, felt anticlimactic. The feud, the competitors and the audience deserved something a bit more definitive than that.

If there is a silver lining, it's that the right guy went over and Reigns finally has his defining WrestleMania moment, something he and WWE have chased for years.