Pain

I was writing this while I was mid ‘breakdown’ so excuse any swears, foul language, and that lot.

Oh and trigger warning. This contains mentions and thoughts of suicide, self harm, depression and a whole lot of bs.

This continues the story of the tower.

—————

I honestly like the night

The way it sparked brilliantly as I layed in my bed.

But it also brings such a silence

That stabs me in the chest

I would toss and turn

Trying to remove the sword

But it’s not there

It’s in my mind

I’ve never lived by the oath of a sword

‘Live by one, die by one’

But I would like to do it some day

So I can say I did it myself

It’s your fault

My mind reminds me

Carry on in pain and sorrow

And live to the very end

I joke about life and death

Like two sides on a coin

Mimicking guns to my head

Because I’m so bored

I’m bored of life

And death

This ying and yang

Of eternal suffering

What do I even say?

My nightmares blur with dreams

Each begging the same wish

To die, to die.

But then I remind myself of those stars

Hidden behind the cloud of night

They are the best feelings

Hidden away

The clouds soon

And I stare and marvel

I even sneak out the house to watch them

Dancing, playing.

Then the final pain strikes

The sword being slowly,

Painfully,

Being pulled out

I head back inside

The pain drawing me to my bed

Legs ache

Body shakes

I remind myself of the star sign I see

Strangely every night

And every day

Round in circles

I honestly don’t know why it’s there

And why I’m even here

Standing on Earth

Terra of the mind

My mind slips into sleep

And I’m here once again

The tower...

...I walk away.

But I still somehow face that tower

Face that pain

And here I am...

Looks like I’ll have to climb again