𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐋 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐓𝐇

!𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆!

Mentions of:

                               ➵suicide

                               ➵suicidal ideation

                               ➵self-harm

                               ➵death

                               ➵mental abuse

                               ➵S*xual assault

                               ➵p*dophilia

If you believe any of these things may trigger you, there will be a heads up to skip certain sections.

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐲 "𝐌𝐲 𝐏𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬" 𝐰𝐢𝐤𝐢.

If you are interested in reading this, it is not only an educational tool on different mental conditions I personally struggle with but also essentially a way for me to vent.

𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐃𝐄𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐓 𝐇𝐘𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭?

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD/ADD for short) is a neurodevelopmental condition in which an individual shows a lack of concentration, hyperactivity, impulsivity, problems with memory and more.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐞

I often struggle with short-term memory, concentration, boredom, impulsivity, and executive dysfunction. There are often so many things I want to do, such as draw, or writing, but sometimes, no matter how much I want to, I can't. I forget simple instructions in less than a minute and lose things constantly. This is also due to brain fog from my physical illnesses. I also struggle with procrastination very badly.

𝐀𝐍𝐗𝐈𝐄𝐓𝐘 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑 (𝐒𝐎𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋)

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭?

An anxiety disorder is a mental condition that causes one to live with intense fear or worry in everyday situations. Social anxiety is when one feels worried or fears in social situations or environments.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐞

I've had anxiety since I was a child. Especially social anxiety. Being around other people at times can make me extremely anxious, and I don't like leaving my house unless I see people I know. I absolutely hate making phone calls and video calls.

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐌 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐌 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭?

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD or simply Autism for short) is a neurodevelopmental disability that causes an individual to interact with the world and other people differently. It affects everyone who has it differently. Some of the main traits shared among people with the condition are struggling in social situations, repetitive routines, restricted interests, communication issues, and sensory issues.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐞

I started showing signs of Autism before I was even born. It was clear to mom that I was autistic as a child but was denied a diagnosis because I was so shy that I wouldn't speak. (Doesn't make any sense) I always had a hard time talking to people, making friends, and making eye . I've always hated loud, sudden noises like thunder or fireworks as they physically hurt my ears. I hate certain textures with a ion like sand. When I was a kid and started getting to video games or reading, I would play or read for hours straight, and that's all I could ever think about. I would eat the exact same thing every day and hated anything new or different. I'm honestly still like this now. I have a hard time reading people and context and prefer things very clear.

𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑

(𝐒𝐮𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝)

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭?

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD for short) is a mental health condition that affects the way a person sees themself and others as well as how they process emotions, making it often difficult to function normally. BPD symptoms include severe fear of abandonment, mood swings,impulsivity, self-harmful behaviors, intense or unstable relationships, emotional blunting, dissociating, irritability, quick view changes and suicidal thoughts. It is often caused by genetics and childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect.

!TRIGGER WARNING!

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐞

I was always a sensitive kid. I started showing signs of BPD at 13 years old after being bullied. At 11 or so, I was assaulted by a "friend" on the school bus going to school and previously by my (excuse me) dead-beat p*do sperm donar excuse of a father when I was much younger. When I started 5th grade, I started completely isolating myself. I had become extremely emotional, angry, severally depressed and self-harmful by 13. I made "friends" through my teen years, but it was always one-sided until they decided they didn't need me anymore and replaced me with someone more interesting. This only made my abandonment issues much worse. Things only got worse when I started dating. My first ex was very emotionally abusive, manipulative, and narcissistic to the point of s*xual coercion. The mental stress was causing me constant physical pain as well, which is ultimately what led me to where I am now. The same thing kept happening over and over again with friends and partners, leading me to become highly suicidal, impulsive, and careless of my own life. My mom and I also have a love-hate relationship. She has severe OCD which causes her to constantly criticize me, and it often makes me feel worthless. As well as that, it is not rare for me to be called "crazy, dumb, bitch, and whore" by my mom. At 19, right after getting out of another abusive relationship, my other dad, the one I adored, committed suicide. Ever since then, my emotions have been nearly non-existent as a way to protect myself from the pain. I haven't been able to cry in almost two years. BPD also causes me to "split." Splitting is a defense mechanism used when something triggers negative feelings. What happens is, if I get triggered by something, I will often completely think in black and white for a while.

𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐗-𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭?

Complex-post traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD for short) is a serious mental health condition caused by repeated, prolonged trauma over time, such as abuse. Symptoms include flashbacks, anxiety, depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, dissociating, trouble regulating emotions, nightmares, and avoidance.

!TRIGGER WARNING!

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐞

It's always felt like my life has LITERALLY just been a continuous series of unfortunate events. As mentioned previously, I was abused by my bio "dad" as a child. I grew up taking care of my sick parents as an only child and witnessed them almost die multiple times. One time, my mom got so sick that I had to call an ambulance for her when I was like 13 because she was dying of sepsis. The bullying continued for years. My "best friends" would actively ignore me, I still to this day have horrible s*xual trauma from past relationships and wake up from nightmares every few times a month. When I was 16, I lost my best friend in a Jetski accident. mom and I have a love-hate relationship and because of this, I have problems feeling like nothing I do is good enough after constant criticism and name calling such as crazy, bitch, whore, stupid, etc. My mother also blamed me for my other dad's death. His death has been the last thing that has happened that's significantly impacted my life. Despite some of these things seeming not so bad, as an autistic person, they have greatly affected me my whole life.

𝐃𝐘𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐈𝐀 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐘𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐂𝐔𝐋𝐈𝐀

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭?

Dyslexia and Dyscalculia are learning disabilities that affect how someone processes and understands words, letters, numbers, and information.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐞

In school, I was always horrible at math. Reading, however, wasn't a problem until age 14. I was always known as very smart but never felt like I could ever be as smart as my peers. I had to work twice as hard to prove myself, and yet it never seemed to work. I really started struggling with math in middle school. I had to redo algebra twice and had no clue how to do long division or anything with too many steps. (I still don't) No matter how hard I worked or studied, I usually failed math tests and homework and had no idea why. I stopped doing my homework after figuring that there was no point. It took me until I had graduated to realize I've been flipping numbers my whole life as well. For example, 1 looks like 7, 2 looks like 5, 3 looks like 8, 4, and 6 look like 9. I flip numbers like 232 and make it 323. As for reading, I started struggling very badly to process words and even be able to read aloud without stumbling. My mom, however, has bad Dyslexia as well, so I at least know where I got it from.

𝐃𝐘𝐒𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐗𝐈𝐀

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭?

Dyspraxia, also known as Developemental Coordination Disorder (DCD for short), is a condition that affects motor skills and coordination. An individual with DCD may have trouble with balance, playing sports, doing activities that involve a lot of hand-eye coordination, clumsiness, writing, typing, and more.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐞

I am honestly the clumsiest person I know. I constantly drop things, trip, hit my hands and arms against doors, fall down or up stairs, lose my balance simply standing, and roll my ankles. I've always been awful at sports, and I can't type on a keyboard worth shit because my brain and hands can't where I need to type. I was one of the only people who did poorly in typing class in school.

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐘𝐒𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐀

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭?

Gender dysphoria is the feeling one gets when their gender or gender expression doesn't align with their sex and gender assigned at birth. It often affects transgender and nonbinary individuals but occasionally can affect cis gender people as well.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐞

Ever since I was little, I felt I wasn't a girl. I hated my name, the color pink, and I would never fit in with other girls. I felt completely isolated. It took me 19 years to stop repressing my true gender. Now, when people call me "she","lady","miss","girl", or my dead name, I often end up dissociating and feeling like an empty shell of a person. I occasionally get intrusive thoughts of essentially removing parts of my body that don't match my gender.

𝐌𝐀𝐉𝐎𝐑 𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭?

Major Depressive Disorder (also known as simply clinical depression or MDD for short) is a mood/mental disorder characterized by persistent feelings of sadness,

apathy, loss of interest, emotional numbness, anxiety, lack of energy, irritability, self-harm or suicidal thoughts, and more.

!TRIGGER WARNING!

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐞

I've had depression since I was 11 years old. I used to cry every single day up until age 15. Slowly, over time, the overwhelming feeling of sadness turned into emptiness and the inability to feel emotions. I was self-harming by 13 years old as well as suicidal. Since being on medication, things have luckily gotten somewhat better.

𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐌

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭?

Selective Mutism is an anxiety disorder in which someone becomes so anxious that they can not speak. It is a fight or flight response to anxiety inducing situations, especially in social anxiety. It is often seen in children, but if it goes untreated, it can carry over into adulthood

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐞

When I was little, this affected me constantly. I had such bad social anxiety that talking to other children was very stressful. Up until I was 15, I could not even ask for help in a grocery store, make a phone call, or check out anything in a store. My mom would force me to do these things to help me "get over" my fears. I definitely helped, but I still sometimes freeze when speaking to someone.

𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐊 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆.

If you made it this far, I thank you. I know it was a lot of reading and a bit all over the place. If you ever need anyone to talk to about something going on, I'm a good listener, and my dms are always open. ♡