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Why 95.5% of You Are Lame (Pure shitpost)

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Avery 07/01/21
39
24

JUPITER IS SUFFERING AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

Let me provide some context!

I put up a poll where everybody was to vote for the next president of Jupiter. There were three options presented:

- Me (Alecs)

- My pet frog

- A rock on the side of the road

As shown in the picture, I've received 4.5% of the votes, 56.7% of the vote went to my pet frog (whom is a TOAD, may I add, a firebelly toad), and 38.8% of the votes went to the rock.

All of these votes were based off of the speeches that each of the candidates have given.

So what happens now?

Jupiter suffers!!!

First of all the frog went into office. Everybody loved him, and the rock was declared vice president. However, something happened...

When the frog and the rock went into office, not only did they make minimum wage about 2000 microscopes* per hour, oh no, they took tater tots out of the menu, and replaced it with CAULIFLOWER PIZZA!!!!

Why this is a problem and who you should've voted for instead

Let's get something straight: tater tots are super cool. Even people that DON'T like tater tots still acknowledge how cool they are.

Tater tots = cool

Now, cauliflower pizza on the other hand, is nothing like normal pizza. The taste is much more unsatisfactory than a normal pizza. Even the people that DO like cauliflower pizza acknowledge the fact that they've only tried it because they couldn't have normal pizza.

Cauliflower pizza = uncool

This is what happens when you put my pet frog into office. Although his debate speech** was compelling, you must realize how compelling MY debate speech*** was. I would have never let this UNCANNY situation happen. And no, I don't know what uncanny means, but if anything that only makes me cooler. :sunglasses: :sunglasses: :sunglasses:

Top ten reasons why Alecs is cool

1. I'm cool

2. I have a custom title that says I'm cool

3. I can play violin

4. I'm cool

5. I can play guitar

6. I'm cool

7. I'm cool

8. I have blue hair

9. I watch Jujutsu Kaisen

10. Reason number ten

Conclusion

95.5 percent of you directly contributed to the lameness of the planet Jupiter, and now everybody there is suffering. However, there's still hope!!! If you write a formal apology to me (Alecs) and explain how sorry you are and how cool I am, I will forgive you. In fact, I'm running for mayor of the planet Mercury next year. The other two candidates have yet to be chosen. So long until next year!

*Microscopes are the main form of currency on Jupiter

**"Ribbit."

***"I'm Alecs. Vote for me cuz I'm cool :sunglasses: "

Why 95.5% of You Are Lame (Pure shitpost)-[ic] JUPITER IS SUFFERING AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

[cu]Let me provide some context
Likes (39)
Comments (24)

Likes (39)

Like 39

Comments (24)

Anyways, imagine voting for yourself 🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶

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0 Reply 08/08/21

Reply to: [Alecs Ace]

Same :weary: 🤚

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0 Reply 08/08/21

Reply to: SoreEarth

what if We just like did a [end of conversation] so we knew when to stop replying

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1 Reply 08/08/21

Reply to: [Alecs Ace]

[end of conversation]

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1 Reply 08/08/21

I play violin too :anguished: :point_right: :point_left: :flushed:

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0 Reply 07/17/21

Reply to: [𝗮𝘀]

Let me bust out my Paganini :flushed: :skull: :joy:

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1 Reply 07/17/21

Alot of the peeps here are bisexual so you can’t blame us for voting for your pet frog :frog: :sparkling_heart: :purple_heart: :blue_heart:

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3 Reply 07/01/21

So the bisexuals are responsible for this.

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0 Reply 07/01/21

Reply to: [𝗮𝘀]

Pretty much.(but you didn’t hear that from me🤫)

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1 Reply 07/01/21

Reply to: [𝗮𝘀]

I do have photographic evidence but I don’t know if I’m permitted to share it

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1 Reply 07/01/21
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