What a ride

Last month I broke up with my ex girlfriend because of personal reasons with the relationship and also because I still had to figure myself out as the relationship was making me question my romantic identity. I would say I did love her, I however I’m not sure if that love was romantic or platonic. But from what I’ve thought of throughout the month is that it was more leaning towards platonic than romantic.

So it gave me a chance to re-think about my identity since I thought i identified as demiromantic. And the reason why i was questioning it was because we had a really strong bond, we got along super well and I had fun and enjoyed talking to her. Which is why I think I’m aromantic than demiromantic. Mainly because there has been a pattern with my relationships where ive just not been able to push out the same amount of love and the same amount of energy into the relationships because they always felt more stronger and put more feeling into the relationship than me and where I’ve broken up with them because I didn’t feel love towards them romantically, or I would “feel” romantic towards them until I didn’t but I’m now positive that’s just my autism misunderstanding what I’m feeling as that happens very often.

I was reading up about aromantic to try to see if it fit and a borderline concerning amount I relate to (how I thought I wasn’t it is very surprising). I then was looking up at the myths and misconceptions about aromantic and I stumbled across something that really explained everything. Something where some aromantics experience something called “squishes” which is the platonic version of crushes. That REALLY explained as to why the hell I have had emotions towards most friends of mine, I just thought something was wrong as to why on earth I’m having feelings for multiple friends sometimes all at once and sometimes one after another. I was really contemplating wherever or not I was just some kind of player or smth. But the moment I read that my questioning was locked in, i immediately just stopped reading and just had this brainfart of “how did I not notice this” kinda brainfart

but yeah so that happened, how was y’all days