Untitled (vent)

Please only read if you’re on the right state of mind. This is a small segment of text I wrote out about my feelings of feeling invalid when my dysphoria doesn’t hit me bad enough or if it eases up for longer than a day. I’m sharing it here as I can’t really do much else to let these feelings go. And writing seems easiest. This is written from my perspective (using I) so if that can make you feel dysphoric or bad in any way please do not read. Thank you

I only feel valid only if I suffer constantly

I don’t deserve to feel joy if I don’t feel melancholy about the body I have, at every breath

I can only feel me if I suffer constantly

Only if I want to jump out of my skin do I feel validated enough to consider it being true

A moment of peace turns into hours of uncertainty and silent anxiety

Pain in itself is hard but peace seems to twist into a million thoughts of anxiety

Do I truly deserve to dawn these colours?

I’m only valid if I suffer, a fraud if I feel the slightest peace.

I should give up on finding myself. I will never be valid anyway