Something Borrowed (poem)

Something borrowed,

Something blue,

Something old,

Something new.

At the flip of a coin,

Will I ever be good enough for you?

At the glimpse of my love,

I know you won’t be there.

Satisfaction of the cross

Is more sacred to you

Than my biggest day,

“We can’t be all-accepting,” you say.

And my silent tears

Roar at the heavens

Making me wonder

If He above would cast me under.

Does He hate me?

Why did He create me as such

If I’m tainted with sin?

A dip in the pool in what makes despair grin.

If I’m so wrong,

Why did He make so?

Am I to suffer as I live and breathe

And perish beneath quiet wishes for love?

The one who carried me

Before birth and now still,

The one I lean on and confide in,

Am I less your daughter then

Than I would be now?

If I hide myself away,

Fit in the mold you’ve made for me,

Am I still perfect?

But unrest,

God, such unrest,

Rages within me now.

Turmoil breaks me down.

Self-damnation,

Self-loathing,

Worry over disappointment,

Breaking inside as I smile at you now.

A gamble in fate,

At the flip of a coin,

Maybe,

Maybe not.

If I marry one,

You stay.

I marry another,

You’re not there to give me away.