:rainbow: ~So damn proud~ :rainbow:

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Thanks for the feature! 🏳‍ :rainbow: :kissing_closed_eyes:

~ Welcome and thanks for clicking on this post ~

I saw many people create this kind of posts, so I decided to the crew. I gathered all of my courage and I typed down all of this.

In this post I will tell you about my journey in lgbt and about my experiences with it.

ATTENTION!

In some of the paragraphs there will be mentions about depression, suicide and/or social anxiety.

I will label these paragraphs with:

Depression = 🥀

Suicide = :skull:

Anxiety = :busts_in_silhouette:

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1. 2015 - 2016

( :busts_in_silhouette: )

It all started in 2015. I was in my last year of elementary school. I always hated elementary school; I got bullied there since my second year. Me and my (at that time)5 year old brother ocassionaly got beaten up by the other children of my year. They used to chase me down on the playground and then challenge me to fight one of them, and if I insisted they would all jump on me and beat me up. Teachers didn't seem to care.

But enough about that, in the middle of the year, me and my parents decided to send me to another school, because the bullying was starting to escalate even more.

There in this new school, It took me a while before I finally made some friends because this new class was a little weirded out by me, a new student. I never really socialised with my class. I need to it that I was scared of them.

There, by the end of the year, I started to have feelings for one of my new friends. I usually got nervous around her, but I never told her.

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2. 2016 - 2017(first year of highschool)

(🥀 :skull: )

In my first year of highschool, my mood started to drop. The aftermath of those years of getting bullied was starting to catch up on me.

I also started to get the feeling that I wasn't who I wanted to be, I got more uncomfortable with myself. By the middle of the year, I got diagnosed with depression by my therapist. Due to my usual bad mood overday, I started to get into trouble with my classmates. There was one girl in my class I definetly didn't get along with. I often got into arguements with her and sometimes I even lost it so bad that I would yell at her for 3 minutes straight. That resulted in the principal calling me down to her office and her telling me that that girl had complained about me.

I had one good friend in my class. I told her everything, I met her in my new elementary school. Unfortunatly, the girl I didn't like was also really interested in becoming best friends with her.

And after a while, that resulted in that girl discovering that I was a lesbian.

She thought it was absolutely disgusting, so she started spreading it around the school. Which also resulted in other people being weirded out by me or thinking that I was disgusting.

These events only made my self esteem sink lower. I started to think of suicide, and I even tried it a few times.

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3. 2017 - 2018(2nd year of highschool)

(🥀)

My mental health was still the same as previous year. One of my teachers was trying a lot of stuff to make me feel better and to me. After a while she told me about how she had been thinking about me maybe having autism, I was never officially diagnosed with it all tho my therapists had been suspecting it too in the past. She gave me a book about mental health and told me to read it for her.

Meanwhile I started to get into amino.

Also that year I decided that I wanted to shave my hair, after a while I could finally convice my parents. They weren't really fond of the idea. But I know they are actually just afraid that I am going to make things more difficult for myself.

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4. 2018 - 2019 (3rd year of highschool)

(🥀 :busts_in_silhouette: )

This was quite a rough year for me.

I had problems at school with my classmates. First of all, after 2 and a half years being safe, I was back in the same class as the girl who had bullied me for more than 6 years. That really took a toll on me, not because she started bullying me again, but because she acted like nothing happened and we were just best friends. Every single day, she would stick around me and remind me of that horrible time in elementary school.

Then second, a group of guys in my class really liked irritating me. They would constantly steal my stuff and throw it around, laugh at me, push me to see if I would fight back (because Self-Defence is my sport and they thought that was funny), write things on my maps and spread rumors about me that weren't true.

I also started to have a crush on an awesome person I had met on amino. I knew very well what my parents (and other people) thought about online relationships:

"You don't know them, so how can you love them?"

And on any other day I would have agreed with them.

I started to feel extremely bad about the fact that I could never get anything serious with them because they were much older, from another country and not aware of my feelings (I didn't have the courage to tell them).

In the beginning of the year 2019 I ended up in hospital because I suddenly got so much pain in my stomach. I stayed there for around 2 months. In hospital, I got to talk to another therapist again. They were the first person I told about my crush.

Eventually, my therapist told me that might have been the cause of my pain: too much stress. They convinced me to tell my parents about it.

They were obviously pretty shocked about everything I told them. They were sad I didn't tell them sooner.

This rough trip resulted in me changing school again. I went to a school where I could study art but I couldn't in in the middle of the year so they suggested I would finish the year in Economics and then start next year in art. Luckily I had an old elementary school friend there, so that made it less heavy.

In this new class, there were also guys who couldn't leave me alone but I don't want to waste too much time by telling what they all did.

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2019 - (x) (Now)

So, we finally arrived at the final part of my story. Impressive if you are still reading, actually. :joy:

Now I am studying Art, I have much more friends and I am way happier. Happier than I've probably ever been!

I managed to get a girlfriend, but that was only until a few months ago. It didn't really work out, unfortunatly ^^".

I finally know how to define myself:

🏳‍ :rainbow: A panromantic/homosexual genderfluid🏳‍ :rainbow:

Now I am still trying to convince my parents to buy me a binder and to allow me to get my nose pierced!

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See how far I've come? It's been such a rough journey.

But see how much it changed me?

I am really proud of myself, it was such a long and difficult road, but I made it. :revolving_hearts:

I only still want to say:

You can do it.

Nobody should tell you who you should be or how you should be.

After the rain, comes the sunshine :sunflower:

And believe me I am

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:rainbow: ~So damn proud~ :rainbow:

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Thanks for reading my story, have a wonderful day ^^ :two_hearts:

#Curatorreview