𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫

                   𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫

                                 ᴮʸ· ᴵᵈˡᵉ

Anxiety like the devil

Gnawing, consuming,

Eating me whole

Bit by agonizing bit.

That emptiness in my stomach

A bottomless void

Impossible to fill

No matter what I pour inside.

There's a screaming in my head,

Not audible but deafening still,

A relentless pounding against my skull

From the inside out.

I feel constricted by my own skin,

Too tight, too close, too much,

But I know better than to remove it—

The only barrier between me and oblivion.

It's as if a wave of darkness

Rises, swells, crashes over me,

Suffocating every breath

While I stand perfectly still.

I just need one moment of peace,

A single breath of clean air,

But if I open my mouth

The darkness rushes in, drowns me.

It's a silent killer, this anxiety of mine,

Invisible to everyone but me,

No blood, no wounds to prove its existence,

Yet I'm bleeding out internally.

Slowly but surely

It eats me alive.

This sinking, suffocating feeling.

This drowning on dry land.

I am both the ocean

And the one being pulled under,

Both the darkness

And the light it extinguishes.

*ⁱᵐᵃᵍᵉ ᶠᵒᵘⁿᵈ ᵒⁿ ᵖⁱⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ*

I often feel like these attacks come at random, no reason for them... they just.. happen. And with how scary it is on the outside - with the things happening, or being said to the trans community around me. I think I know what's causing them now..

This post was mostly for me, to get it out, put it into words. Maybe it'll sit somewhere with you too, words for your own feelings. If so- I'm sorry you have to swim in it too..

                            stay safe,

     you're not alone

ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʜᴇʟᴘ. ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʙᴇ ᴀꜰʀᴀɪᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴀꜱᴋ ꜰᴏʀ ɪᴛ.

#curatorreview