sidelines.

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trigger warning.

i watch as the colors shift from red to blue

changes you wouldn’t notice

but others see them too

and i watch as another takes you away

reminded that at the end of the day

you were never mine to begin with

but still despite this knowledge

i let myself believe

finally for once just maybe

i would be someone special to you

yet as i read each word the feeling lingers

reminding me that you aren’t mine to have

reminding me i’m not the one you’ll look at

in worry and loss or pride and safety

maybe just maybe i’ll be enough to be second

but first has never been the place i’ll take

so i’ll let myself cry each night

and drown the feelings each day

reminding myself it’s not about me anyway

and i’ll watch as the color shifts

and as friendship grows stronger

and i’ll watch all the tears

and all laughing

from the sidelines

knowing that it wasn’t meant for me

even as i begin to wonder

wonder when it’ll be my turn

because for once just for once

i want a chance to prove i’m worth something

i can be worth something too

if i was just given the time

the time to prove i’m more than nothing

that for once i can be made of something

because for you i would move mountains

i would part the ocean and let sand castles rise

for you i would catch a star in my heart

and let it burn me from the inside

i can let it melt me to honey and glass

to be molded to your perfection

and give little way

for you i could be perfect

if you just give me a chance

instead my skin turns to ash

watching as you put another in your cast

knowing they didn’t have to try or change

knowing they stayed just the same

because for you they were perfect

for you they made flowers grow like a medley

like the perfect tune to the perfect song

where in this world everything’s right

and i’m the only wrong

as i sit on the sidelines my mold starts to break

the shape i tried to take didn’t fit

because when you’re a mistake

just a fluke to be made an example of

this is what not to do when you try for yourself

so i’ll watch as the others find

perfect in all their glory

being the first pick in every story

i’ll watch from the sidelines knowing

my life could have been

but it wasn’t

and i’ll watch as you write each word that follows

and as green turns to red i’ll know my time is up

knowing i’m alone in the dust

waiting on the sidelines to be picked up

just for once i wish it was me

but the sidelines are the only ones that never

leave