My LGBT Journey; Challenge Entry Example :rainbow:

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It is Cհℓσbee

Buzzing in today to give you;

a Challenge Entry Example for the

Your LGBT Journey Challenge!

Hope you Enjoy it!

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(This was actually hard one to write!)

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:warning: WARNING;

May mention some triggering content to

do with my Depression and Anxiety

If you can't handle that, don't read further

Stay Safe Everyone!!

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Where it all Began!

I'd love to be able to say that when I realized I was a part of the LGBTQIA+ Community that the skies opened up and the waters parted so I could walk through towards the Rainbow Flags and all things Queer; but it really didn't happen that way! Knowing I was part of this Community

kind of just happened. Let me try and explain

a little with some backstory!

Being a part of this Community is kind of something I feel was ingrained into my subconscious for quite a long period of time. I was just in some sort of 'hibernation' (kind of like a bear funnily enough) I was 18 when I first kissed a girl! It was at a party, let's say her name was 'L' and she had a tongue piercing! I wasn't drunk or single, it kind of just happened!

Yeah, ironically I liked it, I loved it actually. My boyfriend at the time didn't. He soon got over it (at least to my knowledge because we were together for a good 2 years after before we broke up) Even then it never came to my mind that I was Bisexual back then. I just never gave it any thought.

Time ed as did my relationships, all long, my longest was 3 years actually. All men, all hetero relationships, again it never occured to me that I could be a part of the Community. I was such a late bloomer finding my tribe. It wasn't until I met a friend whom I had no idea would undoubtedly change my life that things really started to kick off for me in the self realization department.

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Her name was.. well let's call her J. I would be wrong to say she didn't change my world. Because she did. In a big way.

I say that like she's no longer here but she is. She's just no longer a part of my world. That's a sad story, one I still find hard to talk about to this day. The parting was not amicable I'm sure of that. But I had to step away for my own wellbeing. I never thought I'd say that in my lifetime about J.

Yet here I am, existing without her.

J and I were never more than friends. She was the first girl I ever got drunk with! She had alot of my vunerable firsts if I'm being honest, and some of the sillier ones too. We were close. Very close. I never wanted to lose her. Until the day I did. Everything changed and I was a fool to not see it as early as the first time it happened. I kept going back for her. She was like a drug and I didn't want to quit.

She and I were two very different people. I was this quiet little black sheep and she was a raging, powerful feminist with a bold mind and an even more bold personality. So much so that my very own personality became influenced by hers and I did things just because she did them or because she felt they needed doing. It slowly became less about me and more about making her happy. I was losing myself in the process and I didn't even know it.

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“Hey Nana, if Cinderella’s glass slipper fits so perfectly, I wonder why it fell off along the way? I can’t help but think that it was on purpose, to attract the prince’s affections. No matter what I do, I’ll still have the fate of a girl who just keeps getting hurt, wondering if she can be happy in this pointless, one man show.” – Nana Komatsu

"You know, Nana… Even now, sometimes on street corners… when I meet someone, I see your shadow. I’m sure that even now, you’re still wearing that man’s cologne… so you can sleep, even alone.” – Nana Osaki

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Conclusion

In the long and short of it this is the exact reason our friendship ended when it did. I was a Chameleon around her and I was never truly able to see myself. Until the day I did. We were in Brisbane laying in her bed and she and I were talking about Sexualities. I was with a man going on 2-3 years and he was out, at least from memory.

We were living with her. That's a long story. By the end of this talk she basically said to me "So you're Pansexual and Polyamorous." I vehemently being against the idea at first. This couldn't be possible. I didn't want to be even more of an outsider than I already felt. I was in denial.

Absolutely.

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It wasn't until I met "him" that it truly clicked. My Bear. I fell in love with him and she knew it. I needed him and she knew it. She even tried to tear me away from him. That's also a hard story. In the end, we didn't lose each other and Bear slowly made me realize the Rainbow truth of it all. But I cannot say it didn't happen without J.

I do not normally write this openly.

In fact I try to avoid it as it leaves me vunerable to others

No one hurt me more than J could

No one has been able to be as close to me as she was. Until Bear. He made me realize there was a world without her in it and I became more and more true to myself with each ing day. I'd like to say I don't regret my time with J. Because she helped me see who I really needed to be. The path that I needed to follow. Even if that path did not include her. I'll never forget her. Undoubtedly. But I also needed to walk my own path.

My Journey still continues, just now it's with a Bear and a Lion by my side. I have pain, but no regrets. Life is still not where I want it to be, but in time, who knows?

That's my Journey so far. What's yours?

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Uɴᴛɪʟ ɴᴇxᴛ ᴛɪᴍᴇ, Sᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴀᴛᴇʀ Aʟʟɪɢᴀᴛᴏʀs

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I do not own any of the pictures used in this Article.

Images are owned by Respective Photographers and Clipart Artists from around the web.

Apps used; PicsArt, Zepeto, Canva, Pexels, GifStudio

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