Midnight Thoughts Pt 12.2

So I said I'd make a part two because this was going to be a long rant. So here we are. Pt2 of controlling parents.

So the first time I was on about how it affected my social transition, my dysphoria etc etc. Well she doesn't just affect my transition. But she controls my social life and not like my social life online but my real social life. Which brings me to my next thing

False Promises!

My mom is terrible for false and fake promises. One minute she will tell me something and then the next day it will be different. In the end I shouldn't even be surprised that this is the case anymore because its been three years like it.

She does it about everything. Between nights out to concerts to holidays to simple things like shopping. It's very frustrating to me, if you say something, then mean it. But she doesn't and then makes me feel ungrateful and selfish. Okay yeah, I'm allowed to be annoyed. But I don't sit and whine about it.

Although, heh, I am right now. But writing is my form of expression and venting so I'm allowed. What I mean is that I don't pester her for things. Except my binder. Which I have. Binder review is coming! Keep a lookout for that.

However these things, this sense of false hope. It builds up and builds up. I was meant to have an 18th birthday. I have never celebrated a birthday. I didn't get that one either. Why? Oh my mom was too busy with the other kids. My brothers, aren't in school when my birthday hits. My eldest brother is old enough to look after my two younger ones. I got nothing, I did nothing. It was sad. Because I hoped it would be different. I get treated differently because I'm older

I don't get holidays, I don't really get a Christmas or birthday. Why? I'm older and don't deserve it anymore. What because a number affects the way you should treat me? I don't get it, I never will. But I got used too it

Controlling parents are scared, scared of losing you. Scared of losing their control. You're not their sweet baby anymore. Or maybe you are but they are slowly losing their grip on you as you grow up. Parents need to let go, we need to do our own thing, make our own mistakes, learn to live our way. We can't do that, if our parents control our lives.

And I know for a fact I am not the only one who has experienced this. It's annoying. It's frustrating. It feels like you'll never get out. But you will eventually. And you will lead your own life the way you want too