Life is Strange

Hello everybody, Daniel here. I ate a chocolate bar today, but it wasn’t a regular one, it had caffeine in it. I ate the whole thing in one sitting, it was good, I was okay. My professor gave it to me for participation and it was honestly a good fucking chocolate bar, but it did have a bitter subtle flavor which I figured was the caffeine. My mom then picked me up, about thirty minutes after I finished it and you won’t believe what happened when I got home. I had a depressive episode ! :grinning: how fun, right? No, not really. I just can’t win this year. I’m happy, truly I am, but sometime I get very sad. And today I was very fucking sad. I don’t have instagram anymore and I generally felt the need to vent on some platform because honestly most days I feel like I’ve lost my mind. Life is maddeningly boring, and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what I want anymore. I’m gonna be 20 in September and honestly, it’s bittersweet feeling. I simultaneously feel like I’ve accomplished so much and yet nothing at all. Common gen z story, am I right? Anyways, I think I’m a lesbian. I also think I’m no longer asexual, or just not as sex repulsed as I thought I was. Or I’m just insane. Just kidding. Or am I? I had a dream about this girl I sit next to in my discussion class, and it was a pretty tame dream, actually kind of romantic. She complimented my outfit once, and I think she’s kind of my type but she has a girlfriend. Anyway, I’m having another sexuality crisis. I’m also mentally ill so it just makes things ten times crazier. I’m also very hormonal so that sucks, I thought puberty ended for me way back when. You know, the only reason I said I was asexual was because the thought of doing it with a guy made me gag. On the other hand, woman, not so much. I’ve been bi for years but it doesn’t even sound right anymore cause as time es I find myself wishing for a female companion rather than a male companion. Don’t get me wrong male’s are pretty cool, most of my closest friends were dudes and I do regret how I ruined a few of them cause I began to pursue romance. I mean we live in a society where a female and man can’t just be friends so yea, that happened. I’m gonna end it here cause my mom just berated me for being sad and that’s it ridiculous that I am ever sad even though I’m so fortunate and lucky to live the life I live. Which I understand and yet here we are. Also no she doesn’t know about my sexuality crisis just that I was bullied in middle school which apparently makes me weak and pathetic. Guys I promise she is loving and a very ive mother but she is also gen x and if you know anything about gen x then you’ll understand that mental health isn’t real to them and if you’re sad or depressed then you should just cut it out because no one has time for that. I’m probably gonna delete this like tomorrow cause I word committed too much and now I’m gonna cry. Goodnight Y’all, stay safe and you matter! Don’t give up!