Is it possible to feel like you're both agender and a woman?

I recently began questioning my gender identity, and I thought that agender clicked because it matched how I felt about my gender when I had previously questioned it.

You see, I'm AFAB, but around the age of 12 or 13 I started to feel that the whole concept of gender was stupid and that it didn't fit me well. Agender was not in my vocabulary at the time, but gender neutral was, so that's the label that I thought fit best. But later I decided that just because I wasn't "feminine" didn't mean I wasn't a girl. What people call feminine isn't universal across cultures and I could easily be feminine in another culture. Maybe my expression is different from my identity, but I could still be a woman regardless. This is how I identified for the next few years.

But then I recently picked up this book about understanding gender, and I thought that I should revisit mine. I realized that I had thoughts about being agender in the back of my mind. This came from instances in which I was told that I looked like a boy or was referred to as "Sir" but I didn't get upset. If anything, I felt mad at my friend for correcting the person that called me sir. It didn't necessarily feel right, but it didn't feel wrong either.

I guess what really gave it away for me was the fact that I felt more comfortable calling myself a human or a person than I was calling myself a girl or a woman. I didn't feel like "girl" or "woman" were inaccurate, but they felt somewhat uncomfortable. My search for an accurate description of my gender identity sprouted from there.

But as I dug in more and more, I felt my gendered feelings return. Suddenly, I felt almost cis. This fluctuation in feelings leads me to think that I might be genderflux or agenderflux. But sometimes, I feel like I'm both agender and a woman. It's weird. It feels like something that shouldn't be possible. If you have an identity that is described as being genderless, you can't simultaneously identify with a gender, a binary one nonetheless. Sometimes, my thoughts are along the lines of, "I strongly identify as a human first, then a woman." Other times, it's more, "I'm feeling genderless, but femme." But other times, I feel like a woman (whatever that means. . . I'm writing this on one of my more "agender" days). The concept of gender and the binary somehow makes no sense, but it's also compressible. Does that make sense?

In the end, I want to hear what others have to say. I know that in the end, how I identify is only up to me, but I do want to make sure I'm getting this right and not trying to claim an identity that isn't mine. Is there anyone out there that can relate to my feelings? Or am I making things too complicated? Also, if you could give me links to agender and genderflux bloggers, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!

Have a lovely day people, and I'll see you soon!

#curratorreview