- 𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚍𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚢

XVII.V.CCXXII

I’ve lived

and I’ve learnt

and I’ve grown.

Yet,

I don’t know who I am.

𝗜 𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝘂𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗮𝘆.

•

I’ve always had a deep desire to know myself, to understand every single strange thought that es through me, to be in control of my emotions, of my whole internal world.

And when I finally think I’ve conquered it all,

of course I haven’t.

•

For three years I thought I was bisexual

For one and a half years I’ve been identifying as a lesbian

Yet, have I ever accepted myself as a human?

16/20

17/20

18/20

19.9/20

𝙉𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 satisfied.

73kg

65kg

62.5kg

60kg

𝙉𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 satisfied.

Everyone scares me.

Their confidence, their anger, their opinions of me

…

🅆🄷🄰🅃 🄿🄴🅁🄲🄴🄽🅃🄰🄶🄴 🄾🄵 🄼🄴

🄸🅂 🄰🄲🅃🅄🄰🄻🄻🅈      

🄼🄴?

Will I feel free when I kiss her?

Will I feel free when I stop wearing make up?

Will I feel free when I get thin?

Will I feel free when I give up on being a girl?

Oh to give up. Could I even do that?

I don’t think my ego would ever allow it.

___________________________________

___________________________________

❝ and the roads all together

      were screaming the imable.

      I left. In between my palms

      as if I was holding a cold bird’s

      the final breath

      I was protecting the last handshake. ❞

                                  ~ Katerina Anghelaki-Rooke

-   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -

…𝚊 𝚙𝚜𝚢𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚜𝚝’𝚜 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚌𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊 𝚍𝚒𝚣𝚣𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚜

𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚋𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚒𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚊𝚛

𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚛 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚗

you’re not 12 anymore.