ѕσ мυ¢н нαρρєηє∂

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Wow. It's been a really long year. So much happened. So much. In this "The End Of The Year Letter" I will try to enclose as much as I can.

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⫷ σνєя¢σмιηg нαя∂ѕнιρѕ ⫸

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The beginning of 2019 was really hard on me. At the time I lived in a different city together with my partner. It was our first time living together and there were many things I had to get used to. At that time I was stressed out, frustrated and very depressed pretty much 24/7. It was also due to university.

Anytime I was left alone I would have breakdowns, each time I had to go shopping I suffered terribly from sensory overloads. Being alone with hell knows how many mental disorders is a goddamned nightmare.

I and my partner had to pay huge rent so we had almost no money left. It was tough and tiring.

But I got used to it. One of good things that being human gives - adaptability. And so I lived in these conditions for about half a year.

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⫷ gσ∂ѕση ⫸

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My partner's sister's child was born and we were chosen to be its godparents. So in case something happens to the parents - we are to take custody of their child. And we are to raise it. It's a big responsibility but I agreed to it.

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⫷ ηєω вєgιηηιηg ⫸

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April came and so did my 20th birthday.

That month I moved out of Opole, back to my hometown. Carrying a huge sofa downstairs from 4th floor was NOT amusing. At the beginning it was tough to get all my furniture and stuff to fit since the new place was really small. But at least it's nice and cozy. It's definetely much easier to clean.

I had to start commuting to get to uni everyday though.

I, who has trouble getting up at 10AM had to start getting up at 5AM so that I could reach a class that started at 8AM. That was and still is bad.

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⫷ нσт η' нєανу ⫸

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Summer this year was the worst one so far. It was so hot I could barely sleep at nights, days were unbearable and my mental state was a mess. I put on quite a bit of weight during my stay in Opole and now it was all on the show. I was constantly ashamed of my body. I still am to be honest.

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⫷ ραιηƒυℓ ⫸

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Many failed attempts to either lose weight or kill myself happened this year. Many more than I'd like to it. Trying to lose weight while suffering from mental illnesses is a torture. I also have a few bodily conditions that make it very painful to exercise. And this only adds to the misery.

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⫷ ¢яєєρ ⫸

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At the university I met a lot of nice people but amongst them there was a certain person that I regret meeting. It's a guy, Michael. At first he was only being friendly and so I answered in being friendly. But as time went he got more and more creepy. Whenever he tries to make with me it's either by showing sexist perverted memes or by talking about his weird unsettling bullshit. At some point he started to follow me places. It's still happening and it's a problem I need to solve. It makes me feel very stressed out.

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⫷ ωιggℓу ƒяιєη∂ ⫸

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In September I got a snake, his name is Franek.

The costs were huge, but totally worth it. He is a corn snake. Since it was the first time I had a snake to take care of, it was full of new experiences. Figuring out how to feed him, handle him and keep his environment um "adjusted to his needs" was definetely challenging. While it was tough and stressing me out a lot I still love this little boophead. I wouldn't give him up for anything.

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⫷ ѕσмєσηє ηєω ⫸

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So since I have a pet snake it means I have to feed him with rodents, etc.

Before I got him he would only be fed live rodents so I had to do the same at the beginning until he could get used to the frozen food. So during one of my visits to a pet store I bought 3 baby mice. The ones given to me were a bit too big for Franek to eat in one go but I got them anyways since I didn't have a choice (it's tough to buy this kind of stuff where I live so I had to take whatever was offered).

My snake ate 2 mice but refused last one several times.

I decided that I would take care of the little one. And that's how I ended up with a pet mouse.

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⫷ ρяє¢ισυѕ ¢яєαтυяє ⫸

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Taking care of a baby mouse is a tough job. Feeding it every 2 hours constantly while studying at uni was especially horrible. But we both prevailed. She grew up nicely and now is a beautiful little mouse girl. I named her Grazia. She is very lively and loves to climb onto me, she wants to be with me pretty much all the time. She has just received a proper cage and soon she will have a new mousy friend (since female mice can't be kept alone).

She is one of the best things that ever happened to me. I love her very much.

She has helped me with my mental health so so much. I'm a bit better recently. I don't get as many breakdowns as I used to.

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⫷ нσρє ⫸

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I'm looking forward to Christmas this year. I want to try to reconnect with my family, even if just a bit. I have hope.

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⫷ тнє єη∂ ⫸

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To me this year brought a lot of new experiences, both good and bad. But no matter how bad stuff gets I try to keep going, even if just for one day longer. Even if just for one moment more. It's hard. But I want to keep going and maybe at some point I will learn how to love myself for who I am and not for what others want me to be.

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And this concludes my "The End Of The Year Letter". I'd like to thank everyone who managed to read it all. You are awesome!

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#curatorreview

#letterchall

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