Some Incorrect Quotes to start the School Year

Hello hi school has been a real pain but I’m managing :’)

Here have another IQ blog to make us all feel better-

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Felix: You’re really campaigning for Asshole of the Year, aren’t you?

Noemi: As defending champion, are you nervous?

(Also applies to Marshmallow and Beanpole.)

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Beatriz: I’m ignoring you.

Tomas: ...

Beatriz: I said I’m ignoring you.

Tomas: ...

Beatriz: Stop ignoring me ignoring you!

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Boss: I really love working here. We all have a lot of laughs.

Also Boss: F*ck off, Jessica. I’m not going to your f*cking baby shower.

(Also applies to Beanpole and Marshmallow.)

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Nil: *cuts someone’s arm off* I’ve disarmed them!

F:El: That is not what disarming means!

Nil:

Nil: Oh.

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Doctor: This says your blood pressure is 420 over 69.

Felix: Cool.

Doctor: You’re going to die.

Felix: C o o l.

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Valor: Are you okay? You look like you got into a fight.

Nil: I’m fine.

Valor: Tell me what happened.

Nil: Okay but you have to promise not to get mad.

Valor: I won’t, just tell me.

Nil: So I was minding my own business-

Valor: BULLSH*T.

Nil: I was!

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David: Life hack! You can’t be sad if you’re asleep!

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Creator: Hey Nil, can you do something for me?

Nil: I would literally cover up a murder you committed, plant my own DNA at the scene and take the blame if you asked me to.

Creator: Great, can you do the dishes?

Nil: F*ck you and your dishes.

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Eric: I could get lost in your eyes.

Cody: You could get lost walking in a straight line.

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Selena: Being gay isn’t a choice.

Selena: It’s a game and I’m winning.

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Ancor: Having triplets must be scary.

Kevin: Right? Can you imagine being pregnant for 27 months?

(Also applies to Lucia and Noemi.)

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Beatriz: You can trust me because I don’t care enough about you to lie.

(Could also be said by Felix.)

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David: Hey, why can’t koalas be bears?

Tobias: Because they’re marsupials?

David: What? No, it’s ‘cause they don’t have the koala-fications!

Tobias:

Tobias: If you say so-

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Ancor: *is choking*

Olalla: Help! I need to call 9-1-1 but the 9 button isn’t working!

Angel: Turn the phone upside down and press the 6 button!

Ancor: *momentarily stops choking* What the f*ck-

(I know the emergency number in Spain is 112 but bear with me here-)

(Also applies to Nil, F:El and Valor.)

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Jessica: I f*cking hate my boss.

Mateo: Don’t swear, there’re kids in this house.

Jessica: My bad.

Jessica: I f*cking hate-

Jessica: *covers Tobi’s ears*

Jessica: My boss.

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Nina: Truth or dare?

David: Truth.

Nina: How many hours have you slept this week?

David: Dare.

Nina: Go to sleep.

David: I don’t like this game.

(Also works with Tobias or Felix in Nina’s place.)

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Tobias: Just a little grammar tip.

Tobias: ‘Farther’ is for physical distance.

Tobias: ‘Further’ is for metaphorical distance.

Tobias: *tearing up* ‘Father’ is for emotional distance.

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Marshmallow: You’re really violent.

Cody: Yeah, but I’m also short, so it’s adorable.

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David: Can you imagine being paid for being cute?

Tobias: *under his breath* You’d be a billionaire.

David: What?

Tobias: What?

(Also applies to Cody and Eric.)

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Nil: I’m such a badass. I’m full of darkness. I feed off of the souls of the living. I strike fear into-

Valor: You sleep with a stuffed cat.

Nil: HE’S MY SECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS, SHUT UP!

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Rocio: How do I look?

Selena: *is torn between the options of genuinely complimenting her or saying ‘with your eyes’*

(Also applies to Cody and Eric, and Olalla and Angel.)

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David: I heard you like bad boys.

Tobias: I have never said tha-

David: Well lucky for you, I’m bad at everything!

David: *winks with both eyes*

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Felix: Hey are you a trash bag?

Noemi: Why, you wanna take me out?

Felix: No, you just have the personality of one.

Noemi:

Noemi: F*ck you.

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Kevin: Do you have a date for Valentines’ Day?

Iker: Yeah, February 14.

Kevin

Kevin: I-

Kevin: Never mind.

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Tobias: It’s not gay if I wanna date David, right? Like, in a bro way? I want to take him to all the places I like, hold his hand, and make him smile because his smile is the most beautiful smile I have ever seen and I want to see that smile for the rest of my life.

Felix: I’m not an expert, but that sounds pretty gay.

Selena: I’m an expert. That’s gay.

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*in the group chat*

Noemi: lol I’m dying help

David: oof same

Eric: me af

Maria: rip :skull: :skull: what’s up??

Felix: Good

Noemi: No like I’m literally dying

Noemi: some guy just stabbed me in a McDonald’s parking lot

Noemi: the lol is just a habit

Noemi: *sends a picture of herself dabbing in an ambulance*

*4 people are typing...*

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Felix: We’ve been fighting for too long.

Noemi: True.

Felix: Let’s just agree to apologize on the count of three.

Noemi: Okay.

Felix: One. Two. Three.

Noemi:

Felix:

Felix: See, now I’m just disappointed in both of us.

(Also applies to Valor and Nil.)

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Cody: I wish I could block people in real life.

David: Ignore.

Tobias: Restraining order.

Eric: Murder.

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Nil: No way, I’m not a SERIAL killer!

Valor: Phew.

F:El: Wait, why’d you only emphasize on ‘serial’?

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Iker: *to Kevin* I’ll carve our initials in a tree on our first date because it’s the most romantic way to let you know I have a knife.

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Eric: So if you have 10 cookies and you give me 8, how many would you have left?

Cody: 0.

Eric: Come on, Cody. It’s basic math-

Cody: Because I would give them all to you.

Eric:

Eric: *holding back tears* Oh.

(Also applies to Angel and Olalla.)

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Beanpole: The Boss actually treats me like a god.

Marshmallow: How?

Beanpole: Ignores my existence until he needs something from me.

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Ancor: I’m not that tall.

Angel: *looking up at him* No one can see the top of your head except God.

(Also applies to Eric and Cody, and Miriam and Tomas.)

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Lucia: *to Cody* Eric would throw himself in front of a car for you.

Noemi: Eric would throw himself in front of a car for fun.

(Also applies to Olalla, Kevin, Iker and Angel.)

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Ancor: *in his resume* I’m great at group projects.

Ancor: *in an actual group project* You guys don’t know what you’re doing! I would’ve done done this by now!

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Esteban: You’re covered in blood!

Cody: Don’t worry, it’s not mine.

Esteban: I’m not sure if I should be more or less concerned.

(Also applies to F:El and Nil.)

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David: What do we do???

Felix: I don’t know!

David: But you’re the oldest!

Felix: NOT MENTALLY!

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Lucia: *walking towards the car* Okay, I’m driving-

Noemi: Shotgun!

Maria: What?! But you had it on the way here-

Maria: OH MY GOD!

Noemi: No, I mean I found a shotgun.

Noemi: And I want the front seat.

Noemi: *cocks gun*

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F:El: Would you ever slap Valor for two million dollars?

Nil: I would roundhouse kick her in the face for free.

(Also applies to Tobi, Felix and Noemi.)

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Tobias: Are we in trouble?

Eric: Take a guess.

Tobias: No?

Eric: Take another guess.

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Selena: Cat logic is so simple yet effective. Don’t like something? Just smack it as far away from you as possible.

Selena: Literally flawless reasoning.

(I’m calling it now: Selena is a cat person.)

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Boss: 112, what’s your emergency?

Boss: What do you mean you’re being murdered? That’s illegal, people can’t do that.

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Tobias: I am my own person. I make the rules. I listen to no one. What I say goes. I am-

Any of his friends: Hey Tobi, get over here.

Tobias: Okay. What’s going on? Do you need help? I’m coming right away!

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Lucia: You’re ignoring all your problems!

Felix: I know that.

Lucia: That’s not a healthy coping mechanism.

Felix: Guess I’m gonna ignore that too.

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Mrs. Espinosa: Beatriz, we need to talk about your grades.

Beatriz: But I got straight As this time!

Mrs. Espinosa: You got an F in this one! *shoves report card in her face*

Beatriz:

Beatriz: Mom, that’s my gender.

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Noemi: Let’s get this bread.

Lucia: I’m not hungry.

Maria: Oof tea.

Lucia: I’m not thirsty either.

Noemi:

Noemi: Ew, a local.

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Tobias: Hey David, how are you feeling?

David: I don’t know. I’m still a little sad.

Eric: *on his laptop* Aww, don’t be sad.

Eric: Because sad backwards is das, and das not good.

David:

Tobias:

Tobias: *slowly closes Eric’s laptop* That’s enough internet for you.

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Beanpole: *on the phone* We have your friend.

Eric: What?

Beanpole: Yes, we have Cody right here.

Eric: *laughing* Oh no, you don’t have Cody. Cody has YOU. He’s about to destroy you and I’m on my way to help. Good luck.

(Also applies to Valor, Demon and Nil.)

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Tobias: Think positively!

David: Oh sure. My depression? Cured. PTSD? Never heard of her.

Hotel? Trivago.

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Mateo: Why are you licking the watermelon?

Sofia: So that no one else can have it.

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David: I think I’m having a midlife crisis.

Felix: You’re fourteen.

David: I might die at twenty-eight!

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Angel: I had a dream last night where I got arrested for tax evasion, but I don’t even pay taxes.

Olalla: That’s...tax evasion.

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(As kids)

David: Can I give you an eye test?

Tobias: Uh, okay.

David: *looking deep in his eyes* Close one eye and tell me what you see.

Tobias: I see you.

David: Now close both of them. What do you see?

Tobias: Nothing.

David: Interesting. I think you need glasses.

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Valor: You lied?

Nil: I may have.

Valor: You may have or you did?

Nil:

Nil: I may have did.

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Felix: I don’t have to control my anger. Everyone around me just needs to control their habit of pissing me off.

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Cody: Are you high?

Eric: Am I what?

Cody: High.

Eric: Hello.

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David: I don’t have a nervous system. I am a nervous system.

(Also applies to Cody.)

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Nil: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.

Valor: I almost died.

Nil: Yeah, that was my fondest memory.

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David: I have a plan!

Tobias: And I have the hospital on speed dial.

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Lucia: What’s a queen without her king?

Selena: Historically, better.

Lucia: What’s Juliet without her Romeo?

Noemi: Uh, alive?

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David: Anything’s a UFO if you’re bad enough at identifying stuff.

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Beanpole: Oh, you think you’re being cute.

Cody: B*tch, I’m adorable.

(When I was proofreading this, I realized that I made Cody call himself adorable twice but I ain’t changing that :joy: )

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Boss: Can you make the witness stop doing that weird thing with her face?

Marshmallow:

Marshmallow: Crying?

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Eric: Whenever I’m sad, I that the Welsh word for microwave is ‘popty ping’.

Cody: That...that actually helps.

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Ancor: I’m Angel’s emergency .

Olalla: So you’re here to pick him up?

Ancor: No, I’m here to be removed as his emergency .

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Selena: Hey Rocio, you’re a goldfish.

Rocio: How?

Selena: You’re the snack that smiles back.

(Also applies to David and Toby, and Eric and Cody.)

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Eric: I had a dream we got into a huge fight.

Cody: Who won?

Eric: Me.

Cody: Yup, definitely a dream.

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Marshmallow: If you ever feel safe, just that I’m out there.

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Valor: Destiny is calling!

F:El: I wish destiny would lose our number.

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Boss: I’d wish you the best of luck, but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures.

This could honestly be directed at all of us who still go to school

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Thanks again for reading! Have a great life-