I don't what number this is, and honestly it'll become a normal thing but for rn I like doing this as a mental Update for everyone.
Also 2 posts in one day? I'm on a roll. XD
Well.. things have been good lately. I technically graduated from highschool this last Saturday, my grades are up, my bf is.. the love of my life. My friends are happy, and on TikTok I've gotten a small following. Things are going great rn. ^^
There are ups and downs of course. I've had a few shorter episodes recently, and there's some personal tension I'm dealing with, but I'm doing my best.
I mean that's what matters most of all, right? So.. yeah I'm trying my best. It's not always happy in my head, and I honestly have no idea what's going on half the time, but who does? Quite honestly, this quarantine and stuff about graduation is a lot of negative pressure on my mind, but my baby and my bestie are helping me through it, slowly but surely. Sometimes in these moments, you gotta just stop and take a breath.
Although it feels like I'm pushing a rock uphill mentally, and although going off to college is scary, I have people waiting for me when I get home. People who are happy to see me, and people who love me. Quite honestly that's the only thing I've ever wanted. Of course things are hard rn, and it's hard to be so positive when there are a million ways to be unhappy, but you take joy from the little things in life. It's hard as hell to be positive, or to stay happy, but I do it. For me. And after this quarantine is over, I'm gonna go to a psychiatrist and deal with my issues.
Sometimes I wanna let go and fall apart, but then I see how happy people are with me being around, and how sad they'd be if I never came back, so I keep fighting. It's been a struggle with my self esteem, but I'm slowly getting there. Seeing life from a new angle. I'm no stranger to the rain, in fact I'm more best friends with it than anything. But.. somehow. There's a light at the end of this tunnel. Idk how, and I don't see it yet, but there always is a light. So I'm just gonna make stuff up as I go, go with the flow, and keep moving forward. I'm scared of the future, but for rn, the future can wait. All I need to do is keep my head up, and focus on the ones who love me.
So this one actually ends on a good note. These have really helped me to be open, and learn to express my feelings instead of bottling them up.
See you again someday!
~Ted
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