Estrangement (TW)

Word Count; 1641

This is for a little story event on DA, just thought i’d post it up here as well.

!!!!Serious TW; sad, death, abuse.

**Estrangement**

Last year was the prime of my life. I could’ve sworn life was perfect in summer of 2023.

I always get attached to things too quickly. Why does it seem like everything that I love in my life merely just disappears? I can hardly even my name.

I am still grieving the death of my beloved parents. My mother was the one who was always there with me during my fathers death. My father died shortly after I was born, so I don’t him. That doesn’t mean I haven’t grieved him. Not long after his death, my mother ed away from a tragic barn fire accident. I was lucky that me and one other colt were in the northern pasture. My mother, along with 7 other horses died that day. My heart will never begin to forget the mourning that I go through everyday.

But, let me start with something a little less negative.

I was born on August 2nd, 2023 at a lovely barn in Spiez, Switzerland. Life was peace, life was tranquil.

The fields at our barn were full of lush green grass and the water was laminar. I do not have siblings, because my mother was very young when she had me. I was her first baby! But the offspring of the other mares were my best friends. I think that I one of them. Unfortunately, 2 of my friends were lost in the barn fire that day. But now that you know about me, let’s resume to where everything went wrong.

It all started in January 2024. My mother had been gone for 3 months. I was at the peak of my despair. Only me and one other colt survived that day. Things were constantly getting worse. My days were filled with a cold, bare and empty loneliness that felt like a knife to the heart. The other colt I was with always seemed very sad. Like there was no more spark in his eyes. I mean, I can at least say I felt the same but it was good to keep optimism in a time like this.

The grumpy woman who owned our farm was growing old, and was developing a serious heart disease. The duration between days where we would get food would increase. Our bodies were weak from lack of nutrition. Why was this happening to us? A life full of cruelty. All hope felt like it was lost. One night, she poured us a generous amount of oats and grains. We were so ecstatic! We thought things may finally be coming together.. until we finished that food. We then realized she wasn’t coming back.

We were now stuck in these stalls with no food, and nobody to talk to. The other colt grew tired of me. It sounded like was losing his moral to live every sentence he spoke. Eventually, he stopped talking. I spoke through the cracks of the stalls, hoping to hear him. But there was nothing. I knew what that meant. I finally realized I was alone. Completely alone. My body grew so weak that I was no longer able to stand. I was only 5 months old. Is this all life is? Bitter. I’ve given up all hope.

As I laid on the dry old hay covered in my own feces, my eyes fluttered. I keep getting the smell of his dead body. It aches my soul. I drifted in and out of sleep deprived exhaustion. The lights flicked one last time before the power finally went out. Realizing it’s now been nearly 16 days since my last meal, it was time for me to call it quits on fighting. I closed my eyes one last time.

”What’re you doing? Gosh you’re beyond stupid.” Said a voice from afar. A puerile voice responded; “This place looks old. You love exploring things, come on!”. The person emerged from the bush, covered in twigs and burrs. She rolled her eyes and followed her friend to this abandoned barn. I weakly opened my eyes to the sound of the barn door opening. Should I be scared or excited? I wanted to show a sign that I was here, but my body was frail of malnutrition. The lady swung by the stalls, and let out a scream of terror. “OH MY GOD! FREYJA! There’s a dead baby horse in here..” She had clearly found the other colt. With a push of my last bit of strength, I tapped my hoof in hope that she’d hear me. “Gosh that’s so sad. Let’s get out of here..” She sighed.

*tap, tap tap*.

Her friend looked at her; “What was that?”. I could hear there footsteps coming closer to my stall. They finally opened it. I let out a weak neigh of desperation. “Astrid, there’s another one! Its alive!” They rushed into my stall and gave me some pats. “I cannot believe someone left these babies here. Come on, let’s figure this out.”

The girls called animal control, and I was freed from this dreadful nightmare. When they arrived, I was finally fed with some delicious grains and alfalfa. They then tied me up and led me to a large shipment truck. I could tell we had a long trip ahead of us.. wherever we were going. After a long and sleepy ride, I was let out at a dirty auction house in Bern, Switzerland. They ended up shaving off all of my shiny black fur for wool. I was only fed with dry hay, but this was much better then nothing. I am grateful to be alive. That colt from the barn burned through my mind.. if he held on any longer he would have had a life. But at last, i need to distract myself from my past. All that matters is the future, right?

It was a stormy Wednesday afternoon. I watched as the other horses ed, one by one out of their stalls, being taken somewhere. I’m not quite sure where they went.. but i’ll find out. After a couple hours of waiting, an older man came to my stall and let me out. He attached me to a stinky brown harness filled with the smell of hundreds of horses. I followed him out onto a large round stage. There was a suited man with a microphone next to me blabbing words so quick that I couldn’t even understand! I was held very still by the man, it kinda hurt. At this point I was getting bothered. I nipped at the harness trying to move because of my discomfort. I was whipped with a harsh crop. I froze out of fear. All I could see was people throwing these signs above there head carrying different number. This went on for 5 minutes before everybody stopped and clapped. What does this mean?

I was led out by a woman dressed in plaid. I hesitantly followed her to the trailer and she hitched my halter up. I guess i’m in for another long ride.

During this ride, I started thinking to myself. What is life really about? I haven’t seen much of it. Mama used to tell me about this performance sport called Dressage. It always interested me. She told me I could do it one day. So when I had some alone time in the field I would practice what I thought to be dressage moves. I wonder if i’ll have a rider? A human to call my own? Every human i’ve been with just seems to hurt me. Maybe that’s just what this cruel life is about? Being hurt by those whom you love. Hm.

The trailer came to a pitch stop. When she opened it, I hesitated before opening my eyes. To my disbelief, it was a barn. It was unlike my old barn. Instead of looking rusted and torn down, it had beautiful walls of navy blue, lush greenery and a fountain. This looked way too fancy to be true.

The woman led me up to a pasture. In it was one other horse. I was unclipped, but stood for a moment, unsure if I would get whipped for moving. “Go on, sweetheart.” She clicked. I couldn’t contain myself and let out a nicker of joy. I slowly cantered through the pasture, still weak from the previous malnutrition.

I approached the other horse. But to my surprise, she looked like me before I was shaved. She had luscious long white wool and a glistening look in her eye. She was beautiful.

Months have ed. I am now a year old, it’s August 26th 2024. My health feels back to normal and my wool has grown back. My human’s name is Lena, by the way.

Me and the mare are good friends. Lena has even started teaching me the basics of dressage like i’ve always wanted.

Life has finally become docile again. Is this what it’s supposed to be? A tranquil, peaceful world. Maybe the cruelty is what teaches us lessons along the way. The bad things that happen to us in life are always meant to happen in the end. It makes us stronger. We are all living, breathing creatures that must be treated with utmost respect and love.

_Maybe life is worth living._

- PS for the humans. Always that the bad things that you go through in life will always be hard and unfair. Especially when it comes to grief, melancholy, and mental challenges. Our pain and suffering will always lead to peace and stability in your future. The tests of life build up the beautiful and strong person you are. Me along with so many others are proud of you for stepping through this rocky life, and coming out better in the end. You’re loved and worthy.

- … <3

edited barn pic :3