9/9/21

A week or two ago, I to all my friends that I'm muting the group chat becuase I want to think about some things, and that I want to be left alone, but I don't know how long it was gonna last. Also that they can message me privately if they need me, but preferably only if it's an emergency.

One friend since them has almost everyday has message me, if I'm okay, if I wanna talk, or if I'm gonna hurt myself. And a few other things, in a single day. And it's kinda annoying. Like thanks for caring about me and stuff, but I'd rather you not text me everyday because it's starting to annoy me because I said I want to be left along to think about stuff, and that I'd rather not be ed unless it's an emergency or I text you. I can't think properly that day if I'm always getting text messages.

And school started a few days ago so that also isn't helping me, becuase I really dislike so many people from school. And they're all racists jocks, so I have to deal with them from 7 am-2pm and then I have soccer 3pm-5pm and then homework once I get home and cleaned...so I'm barely getting time to myself to allow me to figure things out.

It's all very annoying and some of those days I want commit arson or someshit because I start off my day, almost everyday, with a text from my friend saying something like "hi gm! I hope you have a great day, let me know if I can do anything for you okay? Please don't hurt yourself, I care about you okay? I hope things get better! :)" and to me I just feel like they're speaking to me as a fucking 5 year old. And getting that day after day, really does start to get annoying when I just want to think about shit!

Oh and to make things even better, my grandfather died the other day, and I've had barely anytime to process that.

Is that ^^ toxic in anyway either? Or no? Becuase that's also one thing I'm trying to figure out, how toxic I am, or if I'm toxic at all...sorry