Talking to Myself

First, I want you to know this is not a roast. I’m going to point out some flaws and mistakes, but I want you to understand that you need to start practicing what you preach to others. It’s easy to apply principles you know intrinsically to everyone else and exclude yourself, but life is a journey and knowing something is very different than living it.

Since you're venturing into a new relationship, I thought these might be some important ideas to keep in mind.

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1) The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result.

You can’t reasonably expect to have a successful relationship, if you plan to keep working in this business the way you have in the past. Check your colleagues’ track records. It doesn’t work.

Of course it’s nice to be successful, wanted, needed, and on top of your game, but what about the person you’re building a life with? The allure of people like you fades over time with consistent neglect. I mean let’s face it: people have banged their heads against the wall trying to get you to love them back, and that’s insane.

No one wants to feel like a trophy or another notch in your belt. No one wants to be ignored, whether it be purposely or inadvertently. No one wants to see their significant other basking in the affection of complete strangers all the time.

If you don’t want to constantly have the same argument/discussion or feel abandoned, you have to make some concessions. Show the people you love that you love them too, and they’ll be less likely to get hurt and leave you.

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2) It’s hard to build trust with a known slut.

Face it. When you met your ex, your reputation preceded you. Everyone in your circle of friends and in your sphere of influence knew you slept around. Basically, you did a little too much bed-hopping to be trustworthy in a relationship. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you should be intimate with everyone who pays you a modicum of attention.

The worst part about this type of behavior is you rationalized sleeping with strangers, and expected everyone else to buy your bullshit “I’m not doing anything wrong because I’m single” story. Do you realize how difficult it is to be in a relationship with someone who constantly runs into people he’s had sex with?

If that’s not getting through, those awkward months when Becca was pregnant? being accused by her husband of being the father...constantly? you officiated their wedding? the private investigator your wife hired? Did you learn your lesson? NOPE!

If you expect J to trust you, make sure things like that don’t happen anymore.

(Side Note: I hadn’t slept with Becca in years, but my ex and her husband were convinced we were still intimate. I’ve never cheated in a relationship. If no one believes you though, that doesn’t mean much).

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3) Predicating your value system on possessions and prestige is a mistake.

Take a few cues from people in your life you respect, and it becomes blatantly obvious that it’s possible to be fulfilled without spending a fortune.

You see people who have what you want everyday and most of the time, it’s not material. You see happiness, contentment, and love. They didn’t buy those things; they nurtured relationships, and ions that allowed for the creation and sustainment of those virtues.

Along those same lines, everyone doesn’t need to know everything about your life. And relationships can be rocked by violations of privacy. You should know that.

On an intellectual level, you know money doesn’t buy happiness, but you chase it anyway. Money buys a lot of things, but peace and contentment aren’t on the list.

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Orlando, life is a journey not a destination. You are the sum of your experiences on that journey, and as long as you’re learning and adjusting everyday, you’ll be just fine.

Behave Yourself,

You

#lettertomyself