How to Make Friends

(4 minute read)

Human beings are social creatures, and as cliche as it sounds, it’s true. We want to feel connected to each other on a very fundamental level. My best friends are some of the most unlikely people in the world: a flautist with two young children and a federal agent husband. An MIT grad with a PhD in Materials Science who abandoned science and now owns a thriving Krav Maga studio.

In fact, my friend, Danielle the flautist from college, sent me a text yesterday. It was a greeting card that reminded her of a crazy night of drinking where I was a “black asshole” and she was a “fat bitch.”

We’ve been friends for over a decade, and it’s still growing.I have a lot of friends like that. In fact, I met the friend who brought me to Amino in the first place in real life and under the strangest of circumstances.

In any event, here are the first six things—and I acknowledge a couple can be conflated—that are key to building solid and healthy friendships.

1. Be positive

Easier said than done, right? Everyone has struggles. Some of us have greater struggles or face different challenges than most people are capable of empathizing with. At the same time, when you approach interactions with openness and energy, you have an opportunity to see things in a different light. You can frame your circumstances and experiences in a way that helps you push forward.

2. Be interested and a good listener

It’s very easy to say someone is uninteresting, and even easier to say “listening to you isn’t worth my time.” The irony is interesting people are that way because they do a lot of the other items on this list. Engaging is probably a more fitting word than interesting. People who engage you, invite you to share your thoughts and feelings in a way that meets the standards of #1.

Acting bored and disinterested makes you look like an ass and simultaneously closes the door to idea exchange. Now obviously, there are exceptions. People who only want to talk about themselves aren’t great listeners, but the opposite is also true: people who WON’T talk about themselves are missing the subtle invitations to do so.

3. Do interesting things

Talk about your dreams, and do something about them. Even if it’s something small, do it anyway. It opens the door for learning, creating, exploring, and enjoying new experiences. If you shut out life with apathy and self-deprecation, you become someone no one really wants to have a conversation with.

4. Tell good stories

My hobbies and aspirations have never been mainstream. I’m bisexual, and I’m married to a man. I have a child, an ex-wife, and I basically talk and sing for a living. I’ve lived enough life around enough different types of people to know my life is far from ordinary, but the same is true for most of us. With that said, I tell decent stories—at least in real life.

Your story is what people connect with. My life is my life. Because I live it everyday, it’s not always exciting to me, but that’s not true for every person you meet. You never know what will spark someone’s interest or sense of connection because of a trivial commonality.

5. Put yourself out there

If you have no sense of adventure, very few people will want to be your friend. That may sound harsh, but it’s reality. Find that little piece of you that says, “go for it” and follow through! I am, ittedly, an adrenaline junkie. God knows I make bad choices because of it, but it yields good stories. This one goes hand in hand with #3.

I like jumping out of airplanes!

There I said it. My father thinks I’m nuts, my mother (and mother-in-law) have trouble sleeping the night before a jump because of it, but I absolutely love it, and I’m not done! Will Smith bungee jumped out of a helicopter into the Grand Canyon for his 50th birthday. I want to try it, and I will. To me, that’s living!

The people I’ve met and the connections I’ve made over the years skydiving are an integral part of who I am today. And I’m pretty proud of who I am.

6. Be Authentic

”Fake people” exist, but that term wouldn’t be my first choice of characterization. There are definitely people who holdback, and that’s understandably, a fear of something. It’s not your or my place to judge, but I think we can all agree that some people “hold out on us.”

Your authenticity is so important. Tell your stories! Show interest even, if you find it a little vulnerable.

Be bold!

Be positive!

Be happy with TODAY’S version of yourself!

:heart_eyes: Love y’all! :heart_eyes:

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