Writers' Club Event: The Present [Results!]

This is the results post for:

The Present

(#Wresent)

(Gasp, a results post that actually gets released!)

We've had amazing participation for this event, it was such a close fight! It was really hard to decide on our winner, but our judges did their best, and finally settled on just one entry:

Mr topper's Edelgard Modern AU

Congratulations, Mr topper!

As our first-place winner, this is what you have won:

Feature/re-feature of your entry

+

200 Amino coins

+

an edit of the main character in your story

(please Viiridi for it)

:sparkles:

And now, we'll give you the breakdown of scores, as well as from each of our hardworking judges (猫のカイロス).

:sparkles:

Plot and Coherence:

Viiridi's and score:

The plot of the story is rather easy to follow and it tells a simple but nice story. It very much feels like an introductory chapter of something larger, which I think was the intention. Sadly because of that I feel the plot doesn’t go as far as it has potential to, leaving you wanting more (which is good if you want to write more I guess? :joy: But as a standalone story it feels incomplete).

6/10

Remedy's and score:

I think the plot in itself is relatively cohesive and it's good to see a somewhat reasonable explanation for Edelgard being sent into the present, and her interactions in this place. The story focused alot on Edelgard's reaction in the modern world and I don't think that's necessarily bad as it establishes the tone and progression of the story. As a drawback of the story being meant to have a second part, the reader is also left with many loose ends, but thankfully the story closes off its first part with a satisfying enough conclusion.

7.5/10

Kyros' and score:

Plot was decently done, albeit there wasn't much of it shown in that post, it can at least be seen that there would be more and has potential to be good. Coherence were at times slightly off.. but I would count this mistake as part of spelling, grammar and formatting.

8/10

Score for this section: 21.5/30

:sparkles:

Characterisation:

Viiridi's and score:

The main character of the story; Edelgard, is portrayed rather well. She’s usually not as emotional, but given that she is at a very low point at the start of the story, it feels reasonable that she would be overwhelmed by emotions by simple reminders of simpler times (and it feels nice to know her thoughts).

Sothis, who has a bigger role at the beginning of the story, is written rather faithfully to her original appearance.

The rest of the characters are new (although they are really similar to their Fodlan counterparts). Their individual roles in the story are really small, but they are good at their job of pushing Edel through an emotional rollercoaster :joy: My only gripe with them is that they feel a tad too friendly towards Edelgard, which bumps down the believability a bit.

8/10

Remedy's and score:

The rubric stated characters must be akin to their in-story appearances, however many of the story's characters acted out a bit strange, however I think that can be justified by the characters being future alternates of themselves. What mattered to me the most in that case was that the thought processes of these characters were somewhat similar and possessed enough semblance in the story and for the most part it was well done.

8/10

Kyros' and score:

Forgive me, but since I haven't personally played 3H I don't actually know much about Edelgard's personality, however, based on hearsay, I do think you did a good job on her portrayal. As the other characters are like reincarnations I would assume that they won't exactly have the same personas. Although seeing Edelgard only slightly fazed by modern tech is a little hard to chew.

9/10

Score for this section: 25/30

:sparkles:

Worldbuilding:

Viiridi's and score:

Given the topic of the event, there isn’t much space for worldbuilding, but I really like the detail that the action is placed in modern Brigid after the church has defeated the Empire.

I’d have loved more info about how that shaped the world in the story, but I appreciate what’s there~

The places Edelgard visits seem believable, no qualms here.

9/10

Remedy's and score:

Description was used quite well to allow us to understand the world. Though I wish there was more background information that could make us know more about the location.

7/10

Kyros' and score:

Sothis' time powers checks out, so that's sensible. Since we know this is Fodlan's Earth in 2020 it's pretty believable for them to have reached our technology level around the same time, and personally I think their world has an edge over our own world so I'd even be willing to accept slightly more advanced tech that us Earthlings are still developing.

Language. Evolves. No matter where you are. Edelgard shouldn't understand modern lingo and vice versa. But I understand that the theme is centered around Modern AU, so I'll let it slide, albeit you could've added some kind of explanation to that, perhaps Sothis is able to grant Edelgard the ability to speak the majority language spoken by the locals of the area or something? (Not that I know the extent of Sothis' power though.)

Another problem I have is how Edelgard came to the future with a completely new outfit? Where did that come from? There wasn't much of an explanation on that side of things, the entire transfer process was pretty bare bones.

6/10

Score for this section: 22/30

:sparkles:

Spelling, grammar and formatting:

Viiridi's and score:

I’m not the best spell checker, so I didn’t notice any major grammar or spelling errors (I won’t remove points for errors that MIGHT exist here :joy: ).

Formatting-wise the post is rather nice looking. It has a form of a play, which is a rare sight here, and each line is separated well from the rest.

I’d have loved stronger separators between chapters, but overall it looks nice, and is fairly enjoyable to read.

9/10

Remedy's and score:

I didn't really see too many large, noticeable errors. The format was written similar to a script and while some of the transitions were a bit confusing at times it does its job as a script, in my opinion.

8/10

Kyros' and score:

There were plenty of spelling mistakes that I spotted, and I see that you were using a more.. er.. script-like format, which.. isn't my favorite but I guess it's fine, however, a lot of what I assume are flashbacks did not have any..thing to indicate that it was a flashback which slightly broke coherence for me.

5/10

Score for this section: 22/30

:sparkles:

Subjective enjoyability:

Viiridi's and score:

I enjoyed the story a lot.

My favourite part was how Edelgard was reacting to this curious experience. I’d have loved there to be a stronger conclusion of the story, as the current post feels like an introduction of something larger.

My only suggestion about the story is that… I would love to see a continuation :joy:

7/10

Remedy's and score:

Throughly enjoyed the way that the writing took into the possibilty of how characters and world based elements might be different in the future.

The writing was written in the format of a script (which isn't exactly my favorite but that's just me :smiley: ), and I felt that at times it made things a bit more confusing whenever something was not labeled or explained in parentheses, but for the most part that didn't happen too much. The writing in itself doesn't have too many grammatical errors and shows a lot of effort and care was put into the story, its characters and its setting, even going as far as mentioning a second part to the story in the future! Is that ever releasing?

8/10

Kyros' and score:

The story was decently enjoyable. I don't have much to say on isekai stories, but the plot was good enough to make me enjoy it.

7/10

Score for this section: 22/30

Overall score for entry: 112.5/150

:sparkles:

And that rounds up the second part of our Writers' Club Event Trilogy! A huge thank you to everyone involved for making this event possible! :heart:

If you'd like to be a part of the Writers' Club, simply our public chat!