I’m done.

I’m done.

I’m done with the early starts, the 4am alarms waking up feeling queasy, not just from nerves, but from knowing how much money I’ve spent on the day ahead from entry fees, training and the diesel in the tank.

I’m done with the sleepless night before, the replaying of course walks in my head because despite everyone preaching to “be kind” you can never escape the odd comment or two if it doesn’t go to plan.

I’m done with the feeling of total inadequacy as I watch those who have worked half as hard get twice as far in half the time, only to be told “that’s life” and to use it as “motivation to be better”.

I’m done with being told it’s “just a 6th place” when I’ve spent weeks (if not months) preparing and spent a fortune to get there, only to experience the resentment from some of the “top riders” when us mere amateurs dare to muddy their course.

I’m done with a sport where money is overtaking talent, where horses cost more than cars and horse trailers cost more than houses. A sport that preaches equality, but promotes elitism.

I’m done with the pressure I put on myself because I spend all day, everyday watching people post their highlight reels across social media, making me think I’m abnormal for having a bad day or wanting a day off.

So, I’m done.

Done pretending that putting on a show jacket and jumping double clear is what really makes me happy.

So me a grooming brush and show me the bridleway, because the happiest I’ll ever be is exploring the world behind my favourite set of ears with absolutely no pressure or expectation from myself or anyone else.

~unknown

This is something I found and it actually is really relatable. Even though I do take little break from showing I don’t think I could ever stop, unless it became too much.