From the Dark Side of the Moon

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                 ┆   #writersguild

                 ┆    ─march 16, 2020

                 ┆   ✐◌ʹˎ– ᵖʳᵒᵐᵖᵗ:

                  ┆            𝑫𝒊𝒔𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆. 𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆.

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                                            disclaimer: long story ahead. . .

         For so long I've only watched their warm light with a growing yearning feeling, but I didn't expect it to come to me so suddenly.

          Because here was a washed up angel a few meters away from my home. I say washed up yet truthfully there wasn't any water here to bring her to me. And I say home, but it was merely just a crater filled with washed up things I've found, drifted too far away for anyone to look for them.

         But that didn't matter, because the current situation took utmost priority. For a while I only stood absolutely still, observing as the luminous creature─whose form lit up our pitch black surrondings─began to groan in pain as she slowly sat up. And then brilliant obsidian eyes looked up to stare right back at me, and I was captivated.

         The beings of the clouds always did captivate me, with their graceful movements and distinguished behaviors. Their radiant appearances would make anyone speechless, to the point where you couldn't help but bow your heads to their superiority. And yet they laugh and play as most living things do, making them seem more humane than one may expect. That was what I've heard and observed of angels anyway, and that may be true for this girl.

         For the moment she offered a small yet bright smile towards me, I fell in towards her light.

         And for the next few weeks, I had a friend.

         That was what the angel─who called herself Luci─labelled me anyway, and so I've learned more things of the world she knew as home. We've learned many things about each other too. I've taught her of some parts of my world as well, that beyond my home there was a much brighter place that was difficult to travel to with all the harsh winds and colder temperatures in the way. And although she knew it was impossible for us to go there, she always had a glint of adventure in her eyes whenever I spoke more, a sight that always delighted me.

         Every aspect of hers charmed me, as all bright things would do. Her smile was as vivid as the sun. Her voice like a tune that captures everyone's attention. Her laughs were like sweet music to my ears. Her tales far and wide, full of imagination and wishes to take part of the more colorful world below hers, something I fully understood. And her eyes, solely focused on me with a stare I've only read from stories of before. It was friendly, and warm. It made me feel. . . special, a word I thought would never fit me until I met her.

         I felt even more so when one late night she whispered to me, as if it were a secret she wouldn't tell anyone else, "I've always felt so lonely, y'know? Even at home, it was like all I could do was watch how others lived their lives as if I wasn't there. But it isn't like that here. I actually, with all my heart, consider you a friend. I want to travel to that place with you, and I never want to leave your side." I wanted to say that I felt the same way, as my heart thumped warmly against my chest for the first time in what felt like forever. But Luci had fallen asleep, and it would be rude to wake her up over a small thing. So I waited to tell her tomorrow.

         But the chance never came, because she was founded.

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         The next day, a swarm of angels appeared around us with loud, booming voices. I was struck with fear, clinging to Luci's arm as she slowly awoke from the fuss. She shot up in surprise as she realized what was happening, and quickly explained the situation.

         She told them she accidentally flew too high away from the atmosphere, swept by unseen waves that forced her to end up here. But as she lost all hope of returning, I had appeared and saved her life. I was no monster, but a friend who gave her a home when I didn't need to. I was not to be harmed, because if it weren't for me she wouldn't have been alive for them to save her. I was touched, of course, but still wary of their reactions.

         They were hesitant at first, but then they thanked and welcomed me as the friendly angels they were. I can see Luci jump up in excitement, turning her attention to one of her saviors as she spoke again, "Then, may I stay here? I am in no danger after all."

         He stayed silent though, before leaning close to her ear and whispering. His eyes were on me, and they made me feel uncomfortable. I couldn't hear what he said, but from my friend's drooping form it's most likely not good.

         I had a feeling that this may mean goodbye, and a strong surge of what can only be called fear went through me. I thinking to myself, 'Please, don't take away my light.' But I was too scared to even speak.

         But there was no need to because Luci's next words shocked everybody, including me, "Then can we bring them home with us?"

         I. . . knew what she meant by that, and I knew I was supposed to be ecstatic about it. But why did I feel unease instead?

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         A deep, pitch black was what made up of my world for as long as I could . Along with it came a still silence that would drive anyone to a lonely insanity. But I grew used to it. Used to waking up in my dark crater, wandering the cold barren land as a way to time, and returning back to my little home for a nap before repeating my routine.

         At times I would stay huddled up between the rocks, gathering the treasures I've found from numerous large, broken, dirty white machines. It most likely came from the world below, and within it I found items that educated me of it.

         That was how I've learned of most things, such as things like trees and birds and even angels. Angels, as what I've learned, were glorious beings. And that was what I ended up labelling creatures like Luci.

         And their home in the clouds, which was infinitely disparate from the world I lived in, would be called 'Heaven', the one place all beings desperately strived to become worthy of entering.

         Beings like me, who began watching their world the moment I laid my eyes on it. From the welcoming softness those clouds may bring, to the equally generous warmth its inhabitants may give.

         I've observed their laughter and games, the happiness in each angel's faces, and I desired to experience that. I knew it was impossible, because I was something that could never be considered anything close to an angel, but I still tried. I chased them, and I tried reaching. I'd find peaks from the ground or pile up my treasures to get closer. But I always fell, and I had to wait days at a time for my injuries to heal before I can get back up again. And I would limp back home, defeated for the day before repeating the cycle again.

         I've yearned, and as if I was heard the light came to me. She became my friend, and I've witnessed with my very eyes the radiant beauty the distant Heaven had to offer. I was happier in those weeks than I was in previous centuries.

         But why, when the one chance for me to indulge in the light of her world finally came, did I gulp and hesitate?

         Maybe it was nervousness, like what I felt when I first found her before me. But even as her saviors escorted us back to their home, I felt odd. I realized I stood out, as we descended to the people and faced their reactions. Once were full of relief but soon to confusion and slight horror as their eyes found me. I shrunk back in embarrassment, but it proved ineffective. I towered over them all too much.

         Even when they later on learned to accept me as one of them, letting me eat in their tables and dance in their festivals, it felt strange. I was happy, so, so happy, but oddly uncomfortable. While I began making more connections I would always seek after Luci after every activity, and the angels would chuckle and refer to me as "puppy". Luci would laugh back each time, but I didn't understand what was so funny. And I guess that was how a puppy was defined, someone who was constantly beside another. Everywhere Luci went, I would be beside her. I would hear whispers and feel gazes, but my friend continued to stay unfazed. But just why can't I be the same?

         It almost grew. . . unbearable, and I didn't understand why. And yet I wanted to, I wanted to find why I was feeling so strange. So as I always do, I observed and came to a conclusion.

         The world I had long yearned for, for as long as I could , may be just too. . . bright.

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         It was both very similar yet extremely different from my time with Luci. Her vivid smile brightened my world like the sun, but theirs blinded me with a piercing glare. Their voices weren't music, just loud noise. And I didn't like their stares, not one bit. I didn't feel special, like she would make me feel.

         Ah, that's right. I'm special to her, to Luci. I was her friend, whom she'd never leave. And I would never leave her, because she was special to me too. The light in my darkness, an unexpected warmth to the seemingly endless cold. And like always I sought out for her. But when I found her, I could feel something quick and unpleasant strike me.

         She was. . . laughing, the same way she would do with me before. I recognized the people she was with as her friends, which was strange. Because I was her friend, the only one that kept her from being lonely. That was true, isn't it? And yet she seemed so radiant around them, as always. She didn't seem lonely, nor gloomy like what she told me before. Instead she looked like she really belonged.

         I should be happy for her then, because this was what she was struggling from before. A loneliness, that despite being on the same world she remained separated from the rest by an invisible wall. And she was free from that, as I can clearly see. So I should be happy for her, as all friends are required to do. But if that were the case, why didn't I feel happy? Why did I feel bad and unpleasant?

         For a moment her gaze met mine, and I could feel myself perk up as her eyes brightened at the sight of me. I was about to run over, like I would always do, like a puppy. But I paused as she merely waved at me with her same vivid smile, before walking away. The group that surrounded her waved at me too before hurriedly following after her. Now that I think about it, she has had more and more company as each day es. And it made sense. Because she was light itself, cordial beyond imagination. If I was captivated by her, there was no doubt others would be too.

         So why do I feel saddened at that realization?

         "Oh yeah, I've made new friends! Isn't that great?" She told me one evening, on one of those rare moments where the two of us could be alone. A clear contrast to before, where we were always alone together. But this world was different from mine, because everyone had company wherever they went. Even now in the usually quiet night there were faint sounds all around us. As if we were never alone. I nodded back at her in response.

         A curious smile rested on her lips as she stared up at me. "You've made new friends too, haven't you?" She asked, and I couldn't help but pause for some while. Because unlike before, I didn't quite get what 'friends' meant anymore. Yet I still nodded, pushing down this strange, horrible feeling. Luci may not like if I show them.

         I watched as she nodded back, breathing a happy sigh of relief before getting ready to get back to bed. "That's good. I gotta sleep now though so, goodnight," she sleepily let out before a yawn, leaving me to continue standing on her balcony. She need not worry, because I would sleep on my own too if I wanted to. Something she learned about me back at home was that I mostly did what I wanted. But this time, as she left me, I felt the same negative feeling once again.

         And as more days flew by, of the same occurrences from before and before that. Of the same scenes of her laughing, of her being the radiant being that she is without me. As I experienced more of those, that same bad feeling bubbled more and more inside of me. I grew to hate these feelings, wishing to exterminate them as soon as possible.

         And every night I would look up, gazing longingly back at my home which I noticed to be farther away from before. I stood still with wide eyes and my breath caught in my lungs, before I sighed. That time. . . has come yet again. And while I mostly felt shame in forgetting such an important event, I also felt relief.

         So, without warning, I left.

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         "Where are you going?" I heard Luci ask as I stood by the door of her house for another and last evening. I nearly froze in front of her, but I calmed down my erratic heart and gave her a small smile. I waved, turning back and walking away after hearing an exasperated sigh. She had learned this of me too, that I liked to wander above most things. But I always came back, so there was no need to worry. So she called out, "Come back soon for breakfast, alright?" Except, this time I really can't come back.

         Because there was one grave detail I forgot to teach about my home to my angel. And that was, from time to time, it would drift. If time was almost up, my home would begin slowly inching away from the world below. And when the time really was up, it drifted. Except maybe 'drifted' wasn't the right word, because by the end of the night I, along with my home, would've been long gone. Despite my attempts to stop it, it would always go anywhere as far as the universe can provide, so I never know where I would end up next. But one thing's for certain, and that was it never drifted back to the same planet.

         I had been so distracted with the bright world that this piece of information completely flew past my head. And for that I felt guilty, but I knew this was for the good anyway. I would've been heartbroken before, hopelessly trying to cut my ties to the pitch black world to stay here with her. Or keeping her there with me, where we could always talk more about the new world we would arrive to. But I know now that there is no need. Luci was happy, and I disliked these new feelings very much. There was no need to escape from this fate.

         I could feel the cushiony ground below me part ways from my feet as I was pulled upwards. I always thought that maybe this was a result of living on the same place for over millions of years, developing a strange yet strong connection with it. I've always considered that to be quite wondrous, but not so much now.

         Luci will be angry, I think. Despite being an angel she really did have a temper, one she would always use to scold me if the situation came. It was amusing at the time, but maybe now it would be scarier.

         But that was okay, because she didn't need me anymore. She has more friends, a true home to be in. And I wasn't needed in the picture.

         And her home just wasn't for me, nor was mine for hers. She deserves a warm place to sleep in, and I had always napped on familiar pitch black rocks. She wasn't supposed to be back in my crater, because it was too dirty for an angel like her. And I wasn't supposed to be up on the clouds too, staining their perfectly white image with my dark appearance. I was to leave soon, and she was to stay here. That was how things should be.

         But it wasn't until when my feet landed on the familiar, cold ground that I found warm trails of liquid leaking down my cheeks.

         I slowly raised my hand, wiping away the strange thing and contemplating what they were called again. 'Ah, 'tear'. That was the word.' It was the result of a happy and sad experiences, and those that happened in between.

         I wondered what did I feel when I started crying. Maybe I was finally happy, because Luci was. Maybe I was sad, because I can feel the ground move below me. Who would ever know?

         And as if a stretched rope has been cut into half, my whole world moved and drifted. I can see Luci's home in the distance, disappearing more and more as my sights reached their maximum limit. But only when her world turned to just a tiny dot in the vast wideness of space did I turn and walked back to my crater.

         Some dust and debris gathered while I was gone, but I calmly swept them away before lying down and making myself comfortable. It wasn't like the beds from Heaven, but it was an odd familiar feeling only home can provide.

         Those odd feelings were gone fortunately, because I was far away from the previous bright world. Soon my knowledge and memories of it would fade away too, as always, to give space to the new things I would learn of the new world.

         I attempted to rest before that, slowly closing my eyes before a voice snapped me awake again. It sounded strangely familiar, and desperate. I turned to look around, finding nothing around me. I looked upwards towards the empty dark space with littered white dots, finding nothing out of the ordinary.

         'How peculiar,' I thought to myself, lying back down and feeling more and more tired as my world soared through the galaxy. One last thought entered my mind, a moment before a long slumber that would only stop when my world tethered itself to a new planet, 'Where have I heard of that voice before?'

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                  ┆    t h a n k s    f o r

                 ┆     ✐◌ʹˎ–   ʳᵉᵃᵈᶦⁿᵍᵎ

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