The unfinished journey

#spiritwars2023 day 3: journey

Tw: death

There are two types of long-term fears. The irrational ones you just have for unknown reasons. They appear one day and follow you around like a cat that sneaks in through the fence of your backyard and invites itself to live with you. The other kind are the fears that you have because you know from experience that those things are to be feared. They attack you out of the blue like birds of prey and from that day on they are always flying ahead of you.

I fear death - The end of this journey.

There’s a white dove that has traveled with me ever since I was 13. Some days we get along, at nights we usually don’t. Some weeks it comes really close, other weeks it keeps its distance. It’s like a weird game that we play but neither of us enjoys it. I have accepted the dove as my travelling companion now. I wonder if birds are sent to accompany every sick child or if I just got unlucky that mine stuck around.

I fear the end because I have just begun. I have already had the chance to imagine what I want my journey to contain and the thought of it ending before I can experience it all makes me sad. So sad that I do not know how to describe it. Every time I see the dove I am reminded of the lack of time. I began to rush – I run forward and skip the steps that seem the least important. I try to live my life in rewind but it doesn’t really work out. And running makes me tired fast.

I fear death because I know that when it arrives, I won’t be ready. I will scream “I didn’t reach my destination yet!”

And the dove will look at me and say “But this is the end.”

Word count: 314

#stewardsofstories