immortality is a painful concept to grasp and it's not all that pretty as people think.

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immortality

/ˌɪmɔːrˈtæləti/

noun

1. we went picking wild strawberries more than two centuries ago, but it still feels like yesterday, gold-framed memories of bathing in wild flowers and swimming in the forest lake, wearing our hearts on our sleeve and burying hands in each other's hair. making up stories about far travelers who got lost in this small forest, where only animal roads are the right ones. eating strawberries by the old oak and pretending we didn't have to go back home already two hours ago, reddish juice on our lips like they were bleeding from our kisses. we were just twenty one back then, spending summers, dreaming of eternal life together. feeding fearless fawns, that do not know the hurt of life and lying down in the long grass letting the sky's blue tones consume us whole. i was happy, with you, back then, it meant the world to me to feel your touch and see your beautiful blue eyes, as clear as the same forest lake we went swimming everyday in.

2. you were twenty seven years old when you got married and thirty three when your first born daughter entered this world, while i stayed the same twenty one year old girl who tried learning from all the experiences that life gave. your wife came around my house to tell me she would make sure that you don't forget me. but i knew that human mortality was bound to be filled with forgetting of things that didn't make sense as they aged, so i didn't harbour much hope of seeing you when you were old. i learnt languages from odes and traveled the world, earning money with songs and poetry shows. i tried learning pottery and painting, even settling in rome for a few weeks to master my skills. i tried to enjoy life, trying to forget my time wasn't limited and that i would have to roam this earth forever. when i came back to my home you had already ed, your children grown and spilled around the earth in search of their true mortal happiness. i went back to our forest that once carried our love just to find out it was sold and sealed with a barrier that forbid entering it. that was the first time i felt my heart hurt.

3. i believed in people being reborn and was proved it just twenty years later, when you arrived on my doorstep in london with a morning newspaper. you had those same blue eyes, clear as the forest lake, the same blond hair and even the same pretty face. 'you' introduced yourself to me and i knew that it was your soul that had found me again. we went to a few dates and i showed you my favourite places in this temporary city of my residence, we wandered around parks and sung songs we both loved, read each other's poetry and opened ourselves up again. we wore our hearts on our sleeves again, hands buried in each other's hair, ionate kisses and champagne glasses shared. it was the same as the first time seventy five years ago when we picked strawberries together, now instead settling for leading a city life and loving each other. your time was limited and i could just hope you would come back once again.

4. your curly blonde hair, that i so desperately wanted to touch once, your laughter that filled my empty thoughts, our grass grazed elbows and strawberry juice, your sincere blue eyes and damp feet. i ed it all. and it made me hate my immortality because it was painful to live on without you here, by my side. it hurt to be alive, while you were six feet under. i would write stories about you and publish them under different names because i couldn't bear living with the thought of you being dead while i was alive. immortality is a painful concept to grasp and it's not all that pretty as people think. i would curse myself if it meant i would die, if it meant i would finally be free from these chains and could relive my childhood once again.

#clementinespoetry | cover