Alright, we’re moving on to post two for the day since I could barely sleep last night. This is a prose piece written as a letter that is inspired by another this challenge. Thanks for reading!
˚˚✩─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Dear future self,
I keep wondering what it will be like for you to have to listen to the same difficult questions you heard back in your 20s. Ones that have generated answers built by the prejudices of the past. I wonder if people will still judge you for being happy alone, for building stability for the first time in your life instead of living off someone else’s dream.
Will I ever take these secrets and move to a safe space where I can step out of this box? Where I can slowly unfold myself from the rigid shape that I was stuffed into so many years ago, when childhood taught me that I couldn’t be myself. Will I ever get to experience the kind of love that was never okay?
I find myself pondering if I will ever reach that point where my heart will finally quiver and respond to someone’s touch, eager for it to be held in trembling but secure hands. If all that self-doubt I caged so tightly in my chest will come flooding out, submerging in the tranquility of your embrace.
Will there ever become a time when I can let go of fear’s tight grasp? When I will be able to get rid of the tattoos of anxiety that are inked all over my body. That they will disappear as your fingers brush along rough skin, silently acknowledging the scars that you weren’t here to meet yet know you like a lover.
Maybe there will come a day when I can walk freely down this road of memories without the weight of grief bearing down on me. Without mourning for my past self who’s trapped in her own despair, trying to play the role she needs to be. If I will tear apart all the scripts that make its way to me.
And I keep wondering if I will ever be able to wander back here. Back to the place I know will always be imprinted on my mind whether I run away or not. Back to the moment I typed this letter and printed it with every desire I never dared to express. I wonder when I will finally be able to meet you.
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