how apathetic

Hey guys. I haven’t been active in this community for years, and in revisiting I realized I never posted some of my older proses. I’m gonna go ahead and post this finished piece that I made when I was 15!!! For reference I am now 18 years old, and not nearly as angsty :skull: so here’s this short and sweet (and hilariously sad) one for the sake of memories before I leave again :new_moon_with_face:

I am losing myself.

Conversations are   drab —

disted from the brain

because I remain paralyzed

in a far fetched dream state

where my silly life doesn’t

resemble an unexcogitable

tragedy materializing in the

form of a 15-year-old girls

nonsensical insecurities.

However, instead of merely

resembling it, it has become

in fact, my reality

                                       Words are hopelessly disarranged,

                                       in one ear out the other, ricocheting

                                       from each wall and ceiling but never

                                       quite reaching the state of

                                       understandability…

“Huh? I’m sorry can you repeat that?”

I’m not getting any younger,

but I’m not getting any bolder.

I’m just drifting amongst the

silent ripples of the shoreline,

awaiting the moment that I’m

thrusted into the depths of

the deep blue sea.

“Unassertive and much too kind,”

they say in whispers. Only made

to touch the surface because

beneath it is burnished, glistening

piles of attainment, that of which

is only made to be grasped by

somebody less reclusive—

or so that’s what they tell me.

“Why are you so damn quiet, child?”

                                     I am losing myself and I cannot find

                                      balance in a world that pirouettes

                                      round and round as if it’s occupants

                                      aren’t suffering because of their

                                      deteriorating hearts,

But that’s just reality isn’t it?

You’re only one out of 8 billion dying bodies in a galaxy that lacks enough empathy to give a fuck.