Demisexuality- facts, myths and misconceptions, and an interview

Hey Everyone! Steph here and today I am posting a blog on Demisexuality. Both Dreamer #LoveGains

Demisexuality Basic Facts

* According to demisexulaity.org,  “Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity. “

* The emotional bond needed for a Demisexual to trust a person enough for sex varies from person to person, as everyone is different and every person operates differently, what might work for one might not work for someone else who is also Demisexual. Even though a Demisexual has an emotional bond with a person, this does not automatically mean that there will be a sexual attraction.

* While this blog is specifically about Demisexuality, Asexuality comes into play here. According to, demisexuality.org, Asexuality is “Asexuality is a sexual orientation in which one feels little to no sexual attraction or interest in sex (the former definition is more widely used, but some Asexuals use the latter definition. Both are valid and accepted.)” Going off these definitions Demisexuality is considered on the Asexuality, or Ace spectrum,  they might not line up with the definition to a T, but somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. The key difference between Ace and Demisexual is that Demi sexual can feel sexual attraction, however; they must get to know the person on a deep emotional level, before becoming attracted to them.

* Another key fact is that not all Demisexuals are uninterested or repulsed by sex and other sexual actions. Whether or not they feel attracted to someone, a Demisexual might want to have sex  in order to get pregnet, or to see what it’s like.

* Now, you might wonder why Demisexuals need a label, and the reasoning is that Demisexuals form a sense of community by using their label.  If someone needs , they know they can turn to someone who uses the exact same label, and may have the exact same feelings about a situation as the person in need of . People who identify as Demisexual grow up feeling different from others in the lives, and the sense of community says they’re not alone.

The colors and meaning of the Demisexual flag

The Demisexual flag has a triangle on the left, a thick white stripe on top, a thick gray stripe on the bottom, and in the center a think purple stripe. The black represents Asexual, and the purple represents community, both the Demisexual and Asexual flags share this meaning. Both flags also have gray to represent “Gray Ace”. White with the Demisexual flag, represents sexuality.

Sources

http://demisexuality.org/articles/what-is-demisexuality/

https://www.entitymag.com/demisexual-flag-meaning/ Both the image and the meaning.

Demisexuality Misconceptions by Dreamer

* It’s not a “real” sexuality: Some people think that Demisexuality is not considered a real sexuality. They think that those who label as such just want to be “apart of the community in some way.” That’s definitely a misconception, as

having a sexual drive is an innate trait of humans.

* Abstinent till marriage: Being Demisexual is not the same as abstinence. Abstinence is a choice, unlike demisexuality. Many people want to wait until they find the one they’re going to be with forever, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have sexual desires before meeting their loved one. These people just usually choose to suppress it. Even then, not all demisexuals wait until they have developed a deep bond with someone to have sex.

* Normal: Some people think that being Demisexual is the norm. It’s actually way more common for people to experience some sort of sexual feelings without making an emotional bond. Think about when someone exclaims how “hot” or “sexy” another person is without knowing them personally.

* A Choice: Again, Demisexuality isn’t a choice. You can’t help that you don’t have a sexual desire towards someone before falling in love or establishing a strong relationship.

* It’s implied: Actually, a lot of people don’t understand Demisexuality so don’t assume that they know when you tell them. You shouldn’t say you’re demisexual without explaining. This is how misconceptions form, especially if they think it means you’re just abstinent by choice.

Sources

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.realsimple.com/work-life/family/relationships/demisexual%3fsource=dam

http://demisexuality.org/articles/demisexuality-is-not/

An Interview with Dreamer about Demisexuality

Before this blog, what did you define as Demisexual?

-In my own words, I defined a Demisexual as someone who does not typically feel sexual desires towards another until a strong emotional bond has been formed.

Now that you have done this blog, do you feel you have learned more about Demisexuality?

-I learned than Demisexuality is within the asexual spectrum, which looking back at my research makes a whole lot of sense to me.

What challenges do you feel are faced by of the Demisexual or DemiRomantic community?

-I definitely think they’re faced with the “it’s not a real sexuality” and “they’re just abstinent” misconceptions a lot of the time. It’s important to try and clear these up if you can. Of course knowing within yourself what it means to be demisexual/romantic matters the most.

What sort of Demisexual/Romantic representation do you want to see more in writing?

What sort of Demisexual/Romantic representation do you want to see more in writing?

-It was a tough time finding demisexual characters so I want to see more representation in general. I want to see characters explaining what demisexuality/romance is to someone who doesn’t truly understand and clear those common misconceptions so readers can learn along with the character.

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