cosmic blue

Some few nights prior I dreamt of poetry

of you

I wrote some "perfect" poetry in the dream

Chasing after unending tragedy and constructing metaphors

I thought I'd catch you tucked between these syllables

folded neat like the childhood friends I outgrew last year

Like I'll catch you beyond some finish line beyond this seamless nostalgia I call mine

I say some wishes are better off wandering about the recesses of my mind.

Now they get lost and

claw at the walls of my stale imagination.

Yet I beg them to keep on taunting me.

The words I swallowed...

they run rampant,

trip right off my lips in my sleep

down

down

down

they go

I mumble grumble your name

in my slumber.

I keep convincing past me I'm ok

and something in my line of vision pushes me off the ledge and

I crumble all over again

I don't the poem...

don't the feel of you...

And it goes something like...

We were just kids

lovesick on indecision

no cure or sedation

stuck in a maze of what-if's

the kind where it constantly felt like we were either gonna get married or it would end in terrible bloodshed

Guess it's for the best

I can't recall the exact shade of blue

in your eyes and

you don't I said I'd marry you

in my best black dress

I don't startle awake anymore

TirEd of these heaVEN numbers

I'm the odd one out — in this ghost town

Rotten cadaver in your basement of incessant dilemmas

the only ghost standing blood drained

but with a beating ghost of a heart

Spent so long trying to kill my grief

Now quite routinely it chokes me from within

...

but much shorter with a lot less romanticization