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                                 "ᴳᶦᵛᵉ ᵐᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵘʳᵈᵉⁿ, ᵍᶦᵛᵉ ᵐᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇˡᵃᵐᵉ

                                 ᴵ'ˡˡ ˢʰᵒᵘˡᵈᵉʳ ᵗʰᵉ ˡᵒᵃᵈ ᵃⁿᵈ ˢʷᵃˡˡᵒʷ ᵗʰᵉ ˢʰᵃᵐᵉ

                                 ᴳᶦᵛᵉ ᵐᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵘʳᵈᵉⁿ, ᵍᶦᵛᵉ ᵐᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇˡᵃᵐᵉ

                               ᴴᵒʷ ᵐᵃⁿʸ, ʰᵒʷ ᵐᵃⁿʸ ᴴᵃᶦˡ ᴹᵃʳʸ'ˢ ᶦˢ ᶦᵗ

                                                                  ᵍᵒⁿⁿᵃ ᵗᵃᵏᵉˀ"

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Table of contents:

                           • Season Two End

                           • Season Three

                                    - Dream

                           • Season Four

                           • Battle of Heaven and Earth

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Season Two End

Catching up to Reiner and Bertholdt after Ymir swallowed Christa, they pursued chase on horseback, leaving the advantageous woods behind. And in an attempt to slow Reiner down she broke her blades across the back of his knees, barely doing much damage to be spoken of, but she slowed him down for the others to catch up.

He who tries to save everyone, in truth, can’t save anyone. And no matter how much Apolonija wished she could save both of her rogue comrades, it was impossible. Scaling the height of his titan, she came down to crouch on top of its head, with her hand holding onto one thick strand of hair she felt tears pricking at her eyes like nettle. Whispering to herself she knew she couldn’t hope for either of them to hear, or if they did, she didn’t hope for them to react.

“We could have been family!” She suddenly cried from on top of the titan, her voice cracking, and with all her strength she pulled out the strands of hair she was clutching, before stomping her way near his forehead to drop down. With one hand holding onto his hair she stared into those soulless pits of the titan’s eyes. And she was supposed to believe this was Reiner?

“-one of you.. will have to stain their hands with my blood!” cried Bertholdt from within the confines of Reiner’s hands, his tone a hidden plea for a release none of his comrades were willing to grant. They were suffering, Apolonija thought. Her face blanking as she thought back to all the times she had to put down an animal in those twisting and winding woods. Just like with those poor things, she couldn’t hold hope for these two. She couldn't bring them home.

“Reiner.. we could have been.. family. If you two hadn’t done this, we could have had the future we all spoke of.. We could've returned home. Isn't that what you wanted? How dare you turn your back on that!!” she yelled, giving way to her anger for just a moment, her throat hurting, startling her comrades even in the heat of such hell. Coughing she held her bandaged throat. Winds whipping her hair across her burnt cheeks. “HOW COULD YOU?! Damn it- I hope you two realize what you’ve done. WE TRUSTED YOU!” - 'you were our family' went unsaid. Her face turned sullen once more, and with a whisper of an apology she drove her blades into his eyes with great power behind her shove, right before all of them dispersed from his titan.. And now, blinded, Reiner charged through the masses of titans, screaming and roaring, while Bertholdt screamed in terror.

With himself unable to see, Reiner eventually realized he couldn’t shove his way through, not with all the titans clinging onto him and biting his armor. And with that he was forced to let go to pull the blades out of his eyes to give them a chance to heal, as well as to shield himself from the grasping titans. This gave the perfect chance for the others to rally and with combined efforts they freed Eren from Bertholdt’s back.

Falling in with Commander Erwin, who was now missing a limb, she did her best to shield him from the waves of titans alongside another senior Scout. No one could have prepared them for the shocking turn of events when all titans attacking them shifted their focus on one singular target. Their own.

After the retreat, Apolonija went into temporary solitude to heal, both physically and mentally, with the latter being impossible to accomplish in such a short amount of time and with the whole world going belly up. She spends her time resting and reminiscing on times of the past.

Has she made the right choices?

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S E A S O N     T H R E E

With the new Levi Squad formed with the task of protecting Eren and Christa, now Historia, Apolonija once more blended into the shadows at their shoulders. She came and went like the wind and carried out her duties and tasks as expected, and she showed great perseverance despite her own injuries and lack of rest. Often taking longer watch shifts, as she wasn't able to sleep anyway.

Watching over the aforementioned duo was always at the forefront of her mind, and it wasn’t unusual for her to forfeit her personal matters to go throw a glimpse at where the two were and what they were up to. And like a whip she would keep them at bay, especially when it came to Eren and his, sometimes, childish and overly idealistic arguments. Apolonija kept them in line. After abandoning the small residence they were taking refuge in and placing Armin and Jean as body doubles, she expressed her concern for putting Armin in such a scenario, and noting they were going to have to hurry if they meant for this to go through.

Leaving Mikasa behind with the rest of the team, Apolonija moved back to the real wagon in question alongside Captain Levi, approaching from the ground to scan the crowds from a different perspective. Following orders she still attempted to stay close enough to the location of her Captain and other comrades spread across the rooftops. Disguised in a big cloak that covered her ODM gear, she didn’t stand out at all from the rest of the crowd, which moments after saved her life when the ambush came and bullets shot from above. Making a mistake of uncovering and engaging her ODM gear upon seeing Captain Levi be forced into a chase, she got a few of the henchman-in-black on her own tail. But that was hardly what sent shivers down her spine.

That voice.. Was it their captain? Apolonija’s hand absentmindedly went to her bandaged throat, protectively, as she felt the phantom sting of the cold blade. She recognized that voice, and as she glimpsed at his face she knew it was him. Her eyes widened, jumping back to the way in front of her.

Fear made her heart jump into her throat, and she kept narrowly missing bullets and being tackled into a wall, but she knew she couldn’t continue to rely on luck. Rounding a corner she flew into another one of these foreigners, their gear was a dead give-away that they were here for taking out people, her and her team. Time slowed down and her hands acted on their own accord. Fear led her body. And her hands. Just as she was about to collide with her opponent and get shot, her blades sprung from their boxes and they cleaved her way clean through the man, with adrenaline stifling her disgust and shock when blood soaked her clothes and splattered across her hands. Apolonija's heart stopped. In mid air she felt like a frozen bird, too heavy to fly, but too light to take the plunge down.

The head she cut off fell to the ground with a disgusting splat, and a roar of fire suddenly burst within her. Cold. And using a nearby tower she threw herself around and back into the enemies remaining on her tail, catching them by surprise with the sudden turn of events. Bile rose in her throat and she had to swallow to keep it all back. The first kill sent her into a frenzy. Kill or be killed. She did not have time to feel or be sorry. And she wasn’t risking them getting to her comrades. Still unaware of what happened to her captain, as they had split ways, her determination sky rocketed along with her will to live suddenly, adrenaline pumping liquid fire throughout her whole body, making her feel like a crazed animal, for once freed off its shackles only to fight within a ring. Whatever grief she harbored over the recent times had been turned to pure ire, nearly shattering her blade handles.

She cut her way out, carving her escape out and decorating it with bloody ribbons of flesh and tattered clothing pieces. Leaving a horrifying gallery of hanging and collapsed bodies behind she fled the scene, keeping all eyes and ears open for a sight of Levi and the squad. From there she managed to find her way back to the wagon, just as the others rounded up. Seeing her covered in blood sent her younger teammates into shock. But her own appearance and willingness to bathe herself in the blood of these assailants pushed the others to engage in combat, in attempts to secure the wagon back once more.

With that mission failed they were sent back into hiding once more.

Falling back to their mouse holes, now with captives whose capture Mr. Reeves helped out with, they all gathered to listen to the painful hollering of Sannes. It is in that moment that Apolonija expresses her much colder stance on their situation. However harsh it sounded she had hoped that the slap of some honesty would give her friends reassurance or some ground to plant their feet on. It was hard to disagree with her on the subject, despite how ruthless it was to even think so. Although her words did appear to reach their hearts it did little to shake off the mental toll the deaths put upon them, and with that she went a step further to alleviate the pressure however she could. If there was a need to shed more blood, which there will be more of given their situation, she had them rely on her for it. She expressed how little she apparently cared for anyone outside their circle, and how they had to protect themselves regardless of who they were facing. If and when her comrades found themselves in a situation in which they could not raise their hand against another, she would do it in their stead. They need not stain their hands further.

In the following silence of their conversation she reflected on her childhood friend and his own dreams, wondering what his stance would be on this situation. She would have liked to think he would be making these MPs scream as well, but something told her Luca, no matter how enraged, wouldn’t stoop so low no matter what. Fly high as honor - was his unspoken motto, and this was everything but honorable.

The sand within Eren’s hourglass was nearing its end with each moment they rode towards Reiss’ estate, the hurry almost laming one of their horses off its legs but they reached the rebuilt chapel within good timing. During that time she heard some breadcrumbs of information about the infamous Kenny, her cogs and wheels turning with how she even lived their first encounter, however brief it was. And what work did Ashbale do that made him so rich as to hire him? Taking a good look at everyone around her, Apolonija understood what awaited them within the underground was a number much larger than their own, and with them being inside a chapel she even felt a short-lived need to pray for them. Would god even listen if she did?

With the gunpowder-packed barrels they stormed the crystal cavern, rushing the enemy in the cover of smoke and signal flares. Engaged in combat they advanced forward and made significant damage on enemy numbers. From the heights above she saw her comrades dip their hands in earnest now, while she soaked hers further, taking life after life in the name of life. After a while Apolonija fell back in line, now close to Sasha and Armin she protected them from any advancing squad member that might’ve sured their front lines. Seeing Hange be flung like a piece of flesh she raced to save them from the fall. From the whirling tunnels of smoke from down, one could see most of what happened overhead, with bullet shells raining down less and less with the numbers of AP squad dropping. Over the sound of bullets and blades clashing she could hear that voice of Kenny Ackerman as if he was standing right on her shoulder. Everything around her seemed to warp with the single focus being the older black-clad man, the source of all their troubles now and the only obstacle that stood between them and Eren and Historia. Impatiently Apolonija waited for Moblit to come down to Hange’s aid after she ensured the Section Commander had a pulse, before taking to the air once more. In that short amount of time it became second nature to traverse the thick choking smoke, and even if one hadn't known the location of their enemy prior to it, the sound was enough to go by.

Staying underneath the cover of smoke she could hear them up ahead, then right above her. Captain Levi was certainly having trouble from the few glimpses she caught of their fight overhead. In a reckless fit of grief and rage, Apolonija waited for an opening, and however small it was she posed as a good distraction and Levi and her managed to catch Kenny in a pincer attack. Although not enough to kill him, it served well enough for him to bid retreat. With full intention to chase him they were obscured by the narrowed, blocked out tunnel. Her nose stung from the stench of blood and smoke, and weirdly enough it reminded her of home, of some version of it. Crumbling and falling apart, the cavern shook with the massive titan rising from within, the circumstances pushing them to hurry like the devil itself was on their tails. Finding Eren and Historia was one thing, but staring certain death in the face while Eren whined was another thing entirely. Part of her understood him, but she also understood that they’d die soon if he proved to be as useless as he currently claimed to be. Chastising him harshly for his behavior she prepared to take Christa and flee, in unspoken agreement with the others that they couldn’t just sit there and take it. With Eren being so beat down and quiet, Apolonija took his place with speeches and gave him a scolding talk that must’ve stung as he quieted down. Perhaps it was a sure death that got her so talkative, or maybe it was simply the whining that struck her already taut nerves.

Despite their doubts, Eren suddenly ran forth and transformed. Saving them all with his hardening after which they picked their way out through cracks in the earth, reaching the surface all together and regrouping with the others. As they rode in the back of the carriage, her hands began to shake, all adrenaline and ire seeping out of her and leaving behind a hollow shell. Apolonija remained quiet for all the while back.

Now with a whole district in harm’s way, they had no time to spare for the preparation to face the crawling titan. As the city got turned upside down and with soldiers running about, it was hard to see anyone stand still. Armin found Apolonija in the basement as they moved out the supplies needed, shaking and panicking in her silent solitude while moving boxes to the lift, away from everyone's eyes, hood over her head. Ashamed as she was to be caught, even with her reasons beyond justified, Armin offered what little comfort he could, helping her not to drown in her own self-sorrow. This might have been the first time he saw her cry, so raw and vulnerable. The whip she came across as, was nothing more but a girl hardened by her circumstances, she was just like the rest of them. Regardless of how unfeeling she presented herself as, she could not escape the flaws of being a human. Apolonija departed from Armin after she got her composure together, leaving him with a kiss to his forehead and bidding them all good luck.

"We’re in this together… to the end..”

Rodd Reiss’ titan was of a size unseen before. A grotesque caterpillar with limbs, bleeding over the walls as it stood on its haunches. Closing her eyes and drawing in a breath, she imagined herself in a dream. No special dream but rather a repetitive one she had when she was a child. A dream of flying over a strange city, smell of salt heavy in the air, and each stroke of the bird’s wings was another act of her blades. And when she woke up from it, the titan was slain. Orvud District was saved. Along with the rest of the walls.

Within the two months of Historia’s crowning things were already starting to take turns for the better. Specifically the children and anyone underground. Given a new chance in life, the joyous kids were like a breath of fresh air. News soon reached her though, Kenny was dead. And Ashbale had gone off the map completely. What that meant for her parents, Apolonija didn't know but she refused to risk it by going to meet them.

Whatever she could find out was not sufficient to give any concrete leads. And her investigation soon had to come to a halt with more pressing issues at hand.

More time ed and her thoughts kept coming back to home. Concluding that it might be safe to just.. see her parents from afar she sought them out at the location given to her by a trusted source. The yearning for home is strong within all of us, and who are we to resist its call. She rode on horseback, her horse as pale as the sunlight that bathed them that day. From a trot to a gallop she raced the last mile, seeing her mother on the front porch of a modest home, knitting a sweater too small for any of her children. Apolonija initially planned just to watch them, to make sure they are not in need of anything. But seeing her mother after so long shattered the shackles that held her back.

The reunion with her family brought her feelings to their knees, spilling a lake’s worth of tears, cradled in her mother’s embrace while her father only watched, a tender smile on his face. Her brother returned from the market soon after with a young girl in tow, hand in his. Apolonija learned that this was their new addition to the family. They had taken the girl in shortly after her first expedition with the Scouts, catching her trying to steal food from their newly made gardens after several nights of their crops going missing. Her name was Lilis, and she took to liking the family soon after being offered a place at their table. Lilis was swift to worm her way into Apolonija’s heart, and Dalan was more than joyous to see his family together once more. He, himself, strode in Apolonija’s footsteps and became a military man. Word had it he was of promising potential, and even better skill. He was going to the Garrison Regiment, and Apolonija was relieved to know there would be no one to see his choice changed.

The evening of the celebratory dinner Apolonija was in higher spirits than ever before. There was hope ahead of them. Yet, the celebratory atmosphere in the dining hall proved to be a little too overwhelming for the young woman, so she retired early from the table after leaving some of her meal for Sasha. She wandered the darkened streets deep into the night, reminiscing on all things that have transpired in such a short amount of time. When she looked back at it, it felt like years instead of months, making ing even more time consuming. The day following was spent with more preparations for the mission.

The send off the Scouts received that evening was one of a kind, one which none of them have seen before. Even the few veteran soldiers they had were surprised by the cacophony beneath them. The lake of people gathered up to the wall and screamed encouragement up at them. On one of the rooftops she recognized the familiar figure of her brother. And despite her cover, her siblings recognized her and waved at her. She didn't wave back. Lilis in his arms ed the so many voices around them, waving both of her arms up before scuffling onto Dalan’s shoulders to stand even taller. Apolonija rejoiced once more, and when they all rode out, she actually felt happy. Hope stemmed within her.

That hope held her strong throughout the cold night, moving unphased to the back of the column with light in hand. Approaching the desolate place where she made so many memories was, in a way, fuel to her determination. It wasn’t a one time thing where she threw her gaze to the side to see a place that carried so many memories. She couldn’t forget a single one. Memories were all she had of those times and those people. Ashes filled her mouth with each memory she let play in her head.

Early in their morning, the walls of Shiganshina were under their feet once more. All soldiers clad in green dispersed into their teams, spanning the great walls where enemies lay hidden. Moving with the Levi squad to protect Eren, Apolonija moved in the vanguard of the formation. Eren was holding up well so far, she noted, and he lost everything here, it was where it all began, and where it must end. Atop these towering walls they stood still as the other teams checked the walls, on order from Armin himself. Things weren’t looking so bright, even with how smoothly they sealed the outer gate. The smell the air carried was fresh, but smelled nothing of freedom it once did.

Apolonija approached the edge of the wall, looking down over the gate and down at the working soldiers. The hollow sound one of the blades made moved her, the balls of her feet sliding closer to the edge. In a matter of a second Captain Levi dove down those heights at the first sight of the familiar blonde hair. Taut as a bowstring the brunette stood on her toes, just ready to lunge down herself. A whistling sound flew through the air, approaching rapidly and they barely had time to their Commander's orders. They all had to abandon the high walls when a boulder came to crash against the gate, rattling the walls themselves. With Reiner and Eren in titan form moments after, Mikasa and Apolonija stood close by, with Hange themselves being the only one to hold them back from charging head on. Everything in this strategy was dependent on their first attack, they had to wait for the optimal opening. Apolonija fell back in line, dragging Mikasa with her, her teeth clenched.

At first hint of hesitance, Apolonija reminded them of her promise to do what they couldn’t, but now she needed their help too. Without them she couldn’t even hope to get close enough to Reiner, so only this once will she be asking them to forget their humanity and forget their comion towards the man they once regarded as a comrade. Together, they stormed Reiner and dealt him the staggering blow. Perched on a rooftop, Apolonija watched his head steam… It wasn't enough. Her belly was a coil of snakes and it was pushing her forward, her thunder spear at the ready. She had one more thunder spear left to go. Just for him.

Against all odds, the armored titan suddenly moved, its dislodged jaw falling further open in a messy strings of flesh that kept it attached. Apolonija's heart seemed to drop when the roar came from the dying titan. A desperate signal to whoever of his comrades was listening. No sooner than anticipated, they had to flee to escape the blast zone of the Colossal, having to ditch Reiner unless they forfeited their own safety. Yet as Armin and Bertholdt came face to face, she held on to her determination and blades. Bertholdt’s statement on negotiations had her gritting her teeth further, hearing them squeeze in her skull. What good would talk bring, what was Armin thinking? Bertholdt wasn’t who he said he was either, and what person stood here before them was someone entirely new. He wouldn’t listen.

The blast caught everyone else of the squads on this side of the wall. Looking up at the wall, she saw Commander Erwin, his back turned against them before he disappeared entirely. Columns of pale smoke rose from the Colossal, and the earth cracked with debris as it all rained down. On top of Eren’s head she got down on one knee and took a lock of his long, coarse hair and pulled it towards herself to garner his attention. She wasn’t one for speeches, yet she couldn’t hold it in herself to stand quiet now:

“Lend me your ears, Eren.. We are all that is left, and we can’t lose this. This will sting to hear but - Bertholdt is the reason so many of our friends died, so many comrades and family . And he plans to kill the rest of us too, and for that he must die. Here! Today! This is no longer just a fight for some spec of honor, this is a matter of humanity’s survival. So don’t let all the sacrifices we made be in vain.. Do not let the love you felt for them blind you. Whatever sins we're about to commit, we'll shoulder them together! We are with you to the end. But do this, do everything you must.. for Armin and Mikasa’s sake… for us! You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Use that strength, don’t let it fade.. let’s make sure that the people within these walls have a future!”

With her words resonating with her comrades with such weight that it stunned them, they exchanged looks among themselves before agreeing in unison. With Jean in command now, as everyone was clueless about how to approach this behemoth, Apolonija felt nothing but pity watching Eren’s smaller Titan charge the Colossal and be flung on top of the wall like filth. This was their last stand. With futile effort to approach Bertholdt from the nape, Apolonija stood at Armin’s side all the while, uncomfortable to leave him undefended.

A gust of warm wind coated her at once, and believing it was just the steam rising from the towering titan she went to rub her face to ease the blood flow. A sudden ease washed over her, lasting merely a beat of a heart. Her eyes widened, looking somewhere in the distance as her comrades fell from mid-air like specs of ash. A memory she didn’t recall as her own surfaced.   “The steam… Armin..” - it was all she could mutter, but offered no explanation as she didn’t have any, but it served well enough as a factor for Armin’s focus to be directed to where it was desperately needed.

With the rest of the squad she bid Armin good luck, going against Reiner instead to finish the job once and for all. Blowing off the back of his knees they sent him tumbling down, leaving them with only three thunder spears left in total. In the nick of time, Hange swept in with her last thunder spear, creating the opening Mikasa needed to blow Reiner out of the nape where Apolonija waited with her blades drawn. Hacking off his limbs she dragged him back to the walls of houses. Apolonija sustained minimal injuries in comparison to Sasha and Jean, and when the time came she sided with Hange on killing Reiner. With her being more persistent about it, Jean pointed out that it was unlike her, and even after his side of the argument she did not falter. Her resolve was paper thin, but she couldn’t change now and grew even more defensive about her stance. Crouching down besides Reiner, she wondered if he felt any remorse now, if he was thinking of his home or the people whose lives met an untimely death due to his doings. She wondered if he felt the way she did now when he was staring at them from within his titan shell. What little of him was left nearly made her pity him. Sighing, she averted her gaze for a short while, shaking her head, muttering under her breath how disgraceful it all was. She took to silently whispering something to him while the others talked orders amongst themselves.

Just then the thundering footsteps came from the side, and the quadruple titan charged them with its big maw open, headed for Reiner. With as much swiftness she could find within herself she clutched her blades and slid to the side, damaging the eyes and the whole side of the titan's face, but her next attempt was swiftly shut down with a swing of the titan’s head against her body. The impact sent her flying back into the next building, crashing against the rock and glass. Disoriented and hurt, her body disobeyed her will to move for what felt like ages. Connie was the one to approach her first, hurried and worried just as much to see if she was still alive. The moment his hand touched her neck to check for a pulse after multiple unanswered calls of her name, she recoiled and gasped for air. Everything felt like a dream. She was dizzy, but managed to go back with them to the roofs with some struggle.

Nothing matters in dreams. Having landed on a nearby rooftop from the actual commotion, she couldn’t care less for the sight before her. Having taken a stance so gray it matched the gray walls around them. Nothing matters in dreams in the end. Blood poured out of an open wound on her head, and her back hurt too. Throbbing pain made it all the worse to focus. Through her cracked glasses she saw Bertholdt, cut up in the same fashion Reiner was moments ago, but she could hear the distant memory of his funny laugh. The memory was faded, but clear enough to bring some color to this moment that seemed so pale that it was colorless. The moment from the cadet years when they both slipped on some spring ice. His laugh was so peculiar, she couldn’t help but laugh herself. And Armin… if that even could be called Armin. She ed his youthful voice offering her bread, calling her over.

..They were all dead..

. Dream .

Her head felt the size of a whole bed, and she couldn’t keep it up any longer. With her gaze falling down she saw the blood dripping onto the roof tiles, along with crystalline droplets that were warm from her eyes. If she woke up, what would she find that waited? At last, her turn had come. The world around her whirled together, spinning around her, and in her last moments she heard her own distant laugh, broken and sad. Then, everything went to black. At least her family would be safe.

Apolonija dreamed of walking through a field of gray grass that turned paler with the wind sweeping over it. It was a desolate place she was walking in, stumbling through like a drunk man. Corpses were strewn about, all across the wall and the ruins where houses once stood. There was nothing living, and she believed she wasn’t living either. This was hell, or the way towards it.

Not even carrion crows dared to visit the bodies down at the ground except one that perched on her shoulder and pecked at her head constantly. The only motion beside herself was a broken flag with a black wing on it, black as the deepest night. Behind was a castle, with walls so high they plunged into the sky itself. The only reason why she could see the castle was because the front gate lay in ruins. Even from a distance she smelled how the place reeked of death while it held the smell of safety in equal amounts. The whole place was crawling with those smells. And her family laid in the courtyard, with pale gray and plump maggots in their eye sockets and ears.

The crow suddenly pecked harder against her thick skull, screaming at her “Water! Water!”, and she desperately wanted to scream back that she didn’t have it. Blood flowed from where the crow pecked her, and her blood was cold. Turning forward again, she heard the churn of a river, and right past the field of bodies she saw it flowing. A black winding river with the reflection like that of snake skin, and on the other bank was a single flower. Laid beside it was a spear and a shield. The crow suddenly dug its beak into her ear, pecking her ear drums and sending a jolt of pain through her skull.

“It hurts!”

She stumbled forward, trying to reach the black water. “It hurts so much..”

She suddenly screamed on top of her lungs along with the crow on her shoulder as she lunged forward over the waters. Before the water rushed up at her, she woke up. The sudden burst of color was blinding as much as it was terrifying and even as Connie stood overhead, calling to her, she couldn’t hear him for a while before the fear and ache subsided. Sitting up, she saw Armin awake and Sasha shivering with a fever.

They set out in hundreds, and they now returned in only a pathetic handful. With Connie catching her up to speed, Apolonija was reduced to a hollow bone. Empty, aside from the throbbing in her head. But Armin was still alive, that meant they won, otherwise she would be drowning in that black water now. Shortly before the ceremony, news swept in on black wings.

Her parents were dead. Her brother wrote from some other base within the walls, and Lilis was with him, although injured. This inevitably dampened the mood for the entire ceremony. The victory suddenly seemed like it weighed less than a feather. One breeze and it was gone, after all the fight they put up. She didn’t risk a reply back, having an uncanny feeling that the death brought onto her parents was no one’s fault but her own.

Investigating the scene was futile work. There were no leads. A robbery gone wrong - was how it was reported down as. She fought for them, and this is where her fighting led them.

Monthly, she would go undercover and send supplies and money to her brother to him and Lilis, while looking for Ashbale where she could, seeking overdue punishment to befall the guilty. She followed down and trampled every lead that showed itself, no matter where it led.

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Finally, after six years from the Colossal’s first attack on their walls, the Scouts traversed past them into the wilderness. Apolonija left behind her sweet walls that smelled of honey as much as they reeked of death.

⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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S E A S O N   F O U R

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“Knowledge is a weapon, arm yourself

with it before you ride to battle”

With the coming of the Anti-Marleyan soldiers their scope of reach only grew, and soon their technology did as well. Apolonija adapted quickly enough, and among one of the soldiers was a man named Damian Hasapis, who was comfortable with bloodshed as he was with the tinkering work of the engineers. Working in sync with Yelena, he subdued the other soldiers that still held their loyalty to Marley, even taking some pleasure in the act. As his knowledge was more useful with the engineers, he’d be counted as one of them, discarding his weapons in favor of helping Eldia be brought up to newest assets of technology. Sasha Braus was the first person Damian had approached, and were it not for Apolonija’s interference, he wouldn’t have given up his pursuit nearly as quickly. Apolonija and he appeared to be very close, and Damian was seen bringing her gifts and eventually he earned her attention.

In the years Apolonija moved a lot around the map, besides going with the Scouts she’d often wander off on solo missions where she’d seek knowledge and opportunities. These missions only increased in number during their time undercover in Marley. She took to guises like duck to water and in total she carefully stitched together a useful pair of personas, each carefully placed in different cities, soaking in information like a sponge to be squeezed out in the Scout’s bucket. Most notable of her guises, however, was a traveling journalist named Grazia Agnesi, a Marleyan woman born to poverty yet determined to seek even the tiniest of information across the world. No territory was too foreign for her to traverse, and she even got close to the lines of war in few scarce events. As Damian was quite the knowledgeable man himself, he helped her learn a widely known language within the area, which only further pushed her solo expeditions on. On his request and some push and pull, he took her to operas and libraries, showing her the beauty of the world that lay over the ocean from her Walls. She lived through countless lives with her nose buried in the books from those libraries, and she stood as a witness to many more that were visualized on stage. And she took to pity whoever did not give new experiences a chance. Anyone who refused to pick up a book to read.

During the night however, Apolonija would lure certain individuals she met during the day as either of her roles, and they’d never be seen again. During one of these missions Damian interjected, but instead of shock she found compliance and even from him. She didn't trust he'd hold her secret for long, and so she remained discreet with the information she gathered. From then, he’d accompany her from time to time nonetheless, although most of those times she was heavily against it unless he wore a heavy disguise himself, as a man like himself was hard to hide. White, mid length hair framed his chiseled face, and his red eyes always held a peculiar allure of them. He attracted the attention of many ladies, no matter which disguise he took.

Within these years she learned of everything, from the enemy’s line of thinking, the way they were raised, the way they went about their day, their determination on the front lines and down to the basic matters as to how they seasoned their food. All of this made it hard to even think of them as a singular target, something to squashed carelessly like a bug. Apolonija understood this from before, but experiencing it all first-hand painted in the gritty details for her. Back with the group she’d become an ever present anchor to any ridiculous behavior they might come to even think of. Sasha and Connie were on a tight leash during their time undercover, but it’d be partially a lie to say she never contributed to their cravings.

Damian was as angelic as he was devilish - Apolonija came to realize that later and not only due to his looks, but of what he did. In a way unknown to her, he found out Ashbale's whereabouts and killed him on her behalf, making sure the man suffered well before he gave him the sweet release of death. She was not a witness to his murder, but she had been there to confirm his identity. What shook her more than the actual murder was how Damian even knew about what Ashbale had done and who he was. She never confided that deeply into his company and trust.

On one of the further-fetched journalist adventures, Apolonija, or rather Grazia, stumbled upon a group of kid-warriors. With a lie on her lips she struck up a conversation with them, even offering to buy them food since they looked so worn out. Grazia had to make sure to be careful with her wording, as she was representing the role of a Marleyan, not an Eldian, but she had found herself in these situations enough times to have woven a convincing front. An older Warrior came up to them, introducing himself as Porco Galliard, and upon asking about the difference in their armbands, she discovered he inherited the Jaw Titan. A familiar sensation of dread filled her gut at the revelation, but all of it was overshadowed by the inquisitive nature of her persona. This conversation was fruitful, however short it was with the approach of Reiner Braun.

Apolonija knew she took it too far with that one, and scolded herself for the risk she took. All the curiosity, the thirst for it made her throat dry with a single thought, and she often found herself stalking close to their general area, but making the conscious decision to not interact anymore. Being pulled back from such frontlines later, she returned back to Paradis with Damian to take the reins within the lines of work. Damian worked on his projects across the country, and her being put forth as a witness to many meetings between Paradis and the nation of Hizuru.

With Eren going rogue, her suspicion of him only rose further, and she was rather shocked with how well he hid himself even from her eyes. What little crumbs of his presence she found lead her further into the territory she wasn’t willing to gamble her guises in, nor her own identity. And when all the letters came pouring in, forcing the hand of the Scouts to in this mass bloodshed, she was beyond repulsed and dismayed. Apolonija ed the attack on Liberio with her comrades, slaughtering Marleyan soldiers, some of which she knew, all for saving Eren while he starred as the main role.

Alongside Jean she helped take down the Cart Titan, throwing it out of the game. The presence of the kid-warriors she previously met had her feeling numb, she could only think of how many kids Eren’s transformation alone killed. The Eren she knew wouldn’t stoop so low as to commit a genocide, but with that being said, she couldn’t be sure this even was the Eren she knew. Floch's own enthusiasm drew her scowl deeper into her face and she was quick to scold the younger soldier, not giving him a chance to show his side of the argument as in her eyes he was morally wrong to celebrate this.

Helping the others retreat onto the ship, she quietly chatted with Sasha, asking if she was doing well after all the action. Briefly, they touched on the memory of their first meeting. In the moments following Apolonija caught Sasha as she was shot by Gabi Braun. Terrified and stunned, Apolonija shouted while attempting to stop the bleeding with her hands until the arrival of soldiers more versed in first-aid. All she could do is hold Sasha’s cooling hand, later seen doubled over her dead body as her naturally stoic guise completely shattered. Belief that this was her fault settled deep within her worn heart, and it followed her all the way back to Sasha’s funeral and further on. Grief stricken, she lost herself in her work. On her suggestion, Dalan, who became an honorable member of the Garrison, took side with the yeagerists and even served as a spy for the Scouts for a short while prior to the detainment of the said regiment. He helped them smoke out Floch and his accomplices after they spread confidential information, but kept his profile low so as to not leave himself blind sided.

This fact was later used against him in coercing him to truly the movement with the threat of killing both Apolonija and Lilis, earning him a red armband which he wore with utter shame. He himself was a victim of the tainted wine, and knowing his time was near he discarded everything on the first fall of the flag, helping Onyankapon release everyone from their cells, and with the battle on ground Apolonija had to bear witness to him being turned into a titan, and having to deal with putting him down herself. Once again finding herself in a corner, surrounded on the same rooftops with titans running towards her. Prioritizing her survival over count kills, she escaped after slaying only the necessary amount of them to cleave her path, finding the others on top of the rooftops as the walls came crashing down all around them. The sound deafened her, the painful ring in her ears returning as she toppled forward, clutching her head. Just like years before images of a broken dove flashed before her eyes, and she screamed out as she was reminded of Lilis. She was still out there.

As her disoriented gaze fell on Connie and Falco in his arms her eyes turned piercing and she lunged forward. Despite thinking of Lilis, she couldn’t let another child, that’s right in front of her get hurt. With rage blinding her she chased quickly after Connie, arguing with him until he cut off one of her hooks and titans surrounded her. Another painful tick sounded within her head like a big wall clock, and her mind aimlessly began running elsewhere. More memories flooded through her mind, and after she came to her senses she realized night had already fallen. She didn’t know where exactly she was as the whole world around her was rubble. She ed everything being a blur, a wash of memories and images flashing before her eyes as she attempted to find her sister in a flurry or panicked breaths and shouts of her name. From her saddle, she heard someone comment how the sound of echoing rumbles was the bells of freedom, and she couldn’t do anything else but silently seethe under her guise. Her roaming around left her out of the yeagerist’s sights and in the morning she sought rations to escape further into the countryside. Had it not been for Connie for making such a ruckus in the middle of the market, she would have missed them completely.

Thankful to see Falco alive and well, Connie and she made amends for their behavior, and she shared that her sister was still missing. Although she wasn’t overly enthusiastic over seeing Annie, she made no qualms or comments about it, and together with them she ed them back to the castle from where they stole the supplies from.

Afterwards, they all come to pick Reiner up, and to everyone’s surprise, there is not a dot of fire within her eyes. In fact, there is nothing but wordless acceptance of events. Despite Gabi standing in her way, thinking Apolonija was about to serve Reiner another beating, the woman only brushed past her and helped Reiner get up. Her touch was nowhere near gentle, but compared to the beating fists he encountered in his life, they might as well have been caresses. It was a strange way to reunite, and with night falling so did her temper. It cooled off from its panicked state, and was helping Hange with the stew as the Warriors and Scouts bumped heads. To everyone’s surprise, Apolonija took Annie’s side in the initial argument, and attempted to show Mikasa their view as well. If a scolding was necessary for her to see that saving Eren was virtually impossible, she would have done it if not for the two of them resolving their argument on their own note. Nonetheless, she is honest with Mikasa, and tells her that she will kill Eren herself should the first chance for it arise.

With Yelena calling out everyone’s wrongdoings and the atmosphere growing tense as a bowstring, Apolonija exercised resistance, appearing mildly bothered by the noise and chatter coming from Yelena’s mouth and calling out her own lies just before Theo Magath and Pieck Finger called her out entirely. What Apolonija knew of Yelena was all thanks to Damian’s aid and her own nosy self, and having mentioned Damian she went on to ask if Yelena trusted him. A question that was off putting for their current topic of talk, and she was met with an expected answer - no.

Apolonija is the first to restrain Jean after the murder confession rolled out of Reiner’s mouth, conflict written in her eyes and as she helped put Gabi and Falco to rest she tried to smile for these young kids but no such thing happened. Her eyes remained distant, and for a moment as she stood amidst their camp she felt like a cadet once more, ready to be scolded by Shadis. Luca always stood close by in those moments, ready to discourage her from taking Shadis’ words to heart. Shaking her head she would turn her attention back to Reiner, whom she left to bleed for a while, steam rising from his punched-in face.

“You have the worst way with words, Braun, you’re terrible..” she commented quietly as she helped Reiner back to his sleeping bag. What transpired between them in the past would never be remedied, nor erased, they all knew that. Yet, Apolonija would be damned if she said she was going to let him be killed now. She needed him alive, be it for tactical or selfish reasons, or both. She hated him, but she cared for him as well. Reiner was the memory of Luca who lost a chess match, he was the cool sunrise and the melting spring snow and the laughter of her comrades as well as the pained groans of the dead she left behind. When she looked back that is all she saw, dead and dying, rotten and filthy, except for him. She never managed to kill him and he never died in her care - so perhaps she should take that as a sign.

With the first lights they all made their way to the harbor, now held by the yeagerists, and they scurried for some form of a functional plan. Apolonija reminds them to leave the killing to her, and even offers to go in Armin’s stead but the idea was quickly shut down as Floch would not trust a word out of her mouth. She had remained loyal to this side of the Scouts for all the years. She also points out Damian was most likely here as well, but considering his history and what Yelena told her, she warned them of his skill, as he was a possible enemy as well. For once in her life, she pleaded with her old and weary comrades to discard and hope for a better outcome, because there was none. Blood will taint the harbor one way or another, and there was nothing they could do to prevent it. Begrudgingly she stood aside, looking apologetically at Armin before he and Connie set out to do their part.

Together, they all closed into the buildings, splitting into teams and individuals where necessary, with Apolonija sticking closer to the two titan-shifters. Inside, lady Kiyomi fought her way out of proverbial shackles with the help of Mikasa, and no other than Damian. The unlikely duo fought their way through, with Damian assuming lead for them until they had been backed into a corner. Even then he expressed a certain form of fondness as he barked out a snarky comment to those who dared to strike them. Whatever his tone meant dissuaded one line of yeagerists from aiming their thunder spears, and in turn he chuckled, reloading his gun and taking aim. He may have been their engineer, but firstly he would always be a soldier. A warrior.

As titans rumble on the surface, Apolonija would be taking out men from behind, those which the titans could not entirely reach. She protected the two titans from several shots that could have been fatal for their mobility, garnering the dangerous attention of the numerous soldiers and what shield she needed she found in the crook of the Armored Titan’s neck, just like Bertholdt once did years ago. In that cycle of killing, hiding and luring, they were going to exhaust themselves quickly if no plan was made. As news reached them that they needed to board the ship and protect Kiyomi and her men, Mikasa and Apolonija turned in together to face the waves of soldiers. Laser focused on taking them down; she took little note of how heavy her garb became with their blood, only feeling the fire in her arms and the sound of her blades cutting through the air, and through many bodies. They were becoming overwhelmed, and reinforcements were about to pour in with the approaching locomotive.

Against all odds, the locomotive would be blown off, and their mission would gain another glimmer of hope. After getting Falco out of his titan, they boarded the ship and finally set sail, only to watch the Marleyan cruiser be blown into the air.

Exhausted, she retreats under the deck to one of the sleeping chambers, soon ed by Reiner himself. The two of them talk about everything in the past four years and prior to that as well. It would be the first time she smiled as she did in their conversation. Afterwards they would get their much needed rest, before arriving at the station where the flying boat was immediately granted servicing. Damian would once more throw his weapons aside and aid the mechanics in setting the thing up. In the middle of it he would report to Apolonija that her sister was safe. Upon inquiry as to how he knew, what he did, she would learn that he was worried and asked Dalan to take Lilis from him after Dalan had found out he drank the tainted wine, and the desperate brother agreed and he had no opportunity to even tell his older sister. Lilis now remained in the countryside, safe he said. Apolonija was caught speechless, unsure whether to thank him or doubt him.

And as the terrible bells of death signaled the nearing of the Rumbling they hurried about to board the flying ship, with Annie, Falco and Gabi going with lady Azumabito. Apolonija shared in her comrade’s grief as they watched Commander Hange give her life to give them a chance to take flight, fulfilling her role as a Commander, as so many before have done.

Having offered to go with Hange, she felt even more burdened by her comrades' disagreements, not allowing her to go along with it. Hange didn’t agree on it herself, but it made it no less soul breaking to see the Commander be reduced to ash and rubble.

Damian kept a level head about him as he piloted the ship alongside Onyankopon, only showing some sadness towards the way Apolonija alone felt. No sooner than later, Eren pulled them all into the virtual plane of the Paths, only hammering down the fact that there was not even a drop of hope for negotiations as Armin and Mikasa desperately clung onto.

“In order to obtain freedom, I will take the freedom from this world. But I will not take anything from any of you.

You all have your freedom. You are free to protect the world’s freedom.

And I am free to keep moving forward.”

Horrified and feeling utterly helpless she gazed at her withered comrades, shook from the impact the message conveyed. This was their last stand as humanity’s last chance of survival. The island of Paradis might live, but if she survived with the knowledge she failed the rest of the millions of lives outside that small sack of land, she wouldn’t dare call that freedom. Perhaps it was her life flashing before her eyes or a guiding touch of some greater power than them all, but the will to fight turned to iron. Years of grief, of loss and living in hyper vigilance had pushed her sanity to the very brink, and she could not hold onto the thin thread. And willingly she let it go, to be swallowed by the fiery pits of hell as all that flooded her veins with utter anger, one could say she became the very embodiment of hatred and rage. The desperate desire to bring this to an end. Years for which her emotions had spent dormant finally came to an end when faced with the fear Eren brought them. But it did matter not that she feared it, but how she was about to face it.

She made a promise. To see this to the end. And she would.

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Battle of Heaven and Earth

With hammering hearts the Scouts arrived at the pile of bones that was Eren Yeager. With the call of Zeke’s first bluff they paused to assess their situation, in which moment Apolonija noted the appearance of a young girl. Founder Ymir watched over all of them from the heights of shallow bones, her stare hollow but weirdly sad. Apolonija had no time to ponder over the possibilities her presence was giving them, as she disappeared when Armin got swallowed whole by a titan. Pushed into combat, their odds of victory were already too slim to hold on hope in. They were outnumbered and outplayed. Yet none of them backed down in face of this doom. Where all reasoning vanishes, devils step in to help.

Along with the others, she shielded Reiner, saving her last thunder spear for the worst should it come to it. Through smoke and blood, and the rumbling of the titans, they all struggled to survive and keep fighting, making plans on the fly. Her blades were splintering like wood against the bodies of so many titans, she quickly lost count, but there was no end to the seething feeling in her body. Capturing the Captain she helped him land back on Falco as the giant bird-titan swooped down in the nick of time to hoist them back to the Fort. With the reinforcement of Annie and their plan to separate, she took the side to get Armin back, bidding Reiner and Jean good luck before they jumped. She pointed out the Okapi titan for all of them and made quick work of any other titans that stood in her way, cutting their way through and saving Mikasa from their undead hands.

Apolonija would become injured in this battle, as a previous jaw titan rushed her, slamming her against the bones and tearing her leg and hand clean off. Shock paralyzed her but Falco managed to snatch her in his claws before flying off once more. Despite the blood pouring out of her in a river, she gave one last battle cry, screaming Eren’s name in fury as they rode the winds over his head. With the last thunder spear she sent flying down, she ensured Eren’s head was blown off completely, sending it into pieces to fall to the ground.

Apolonija stood back with the rest of the Eldians, too injured to be of any use, but she was now about to become an enemy as well. Overlooking the smoking graveyard the Colossal titans left behind, she couldn’t help but to find some irony in it all. Dizzy and becoming delirious she hoped to speak one more honest word to the ones she spent years fighting for and trying to protect. She beckoned Connie and Jean down, and through tears she embraced them tightly, telling them of how proud she was of them.

“I loved you fools all this time.., all of you”

Mikasa, Captain Levi and Armin, with ed strength, managed to subdue the Founder, and kill Eren. Through smoke and her blurry sights, Apolonija found herself on the dry, steaming ground before Fort Salta. ing the dreams Eren left them, she could only look around at her comrades. Her vision blurred as she shed her tears, red in the face but feeling her heart soar to the heavens above. All of them are alive.. and she felt no shame in showing her joy by embracing them all with all her strength.

And in the distance through the smoke she saw a familiar figure..

Standing there and looking at her with youthful blue eyes full of warm hope. Smell of home in his hair.

Luca.. He was free now, too. And proud of his friend’s accomplishments.

Here I am, pry me open

What do you want to know?

I'm just a kid who grew up scared enough

To hold the door shut

And bury my innocence

But here's a map, here's a shovel

Here's my Achilles' heel

I'm all in, palms out

I'm at your mercy now and I'm ready to begin

I am strong, I am strong, I am strong enough to let you in