Insomnolence (Secret Santa)

[ l o a d i n g . . . ]

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˗ˏˋꪑꫀ𝕣𝕣ꪗ ᥴꫝ𝕣ⅈડ𝕥ꪑꪖડ! ˎˊ˗

Hope everyone has a good holiday! Anyways I should get to the point of this post.

So I'm giving this gift to Sader and I hope you don't mind my gift. They requested Aguri x Shiro, which is rather a hard character dynamic to write but I enjoyed the challenge!

So, my interpretation of them isn't really romantic and I find it very hard to interpret romantically so this is kind of just full of angst.

❝So trigger warning: angst, abuse and no happy ending and forced marriage.❞

Also, I don't know if Shiro is Aguri's husband or fiancè because the wiki is inconsistent and I was too lazy to do a fact check. And I refer to Kayano as Akari and Shiro as Yanagisawa.

> Tag: #secretsanta2019

> Date Posted: 25th December 2019

> Words: 2.5k

Anyways, so here's the fanfic!

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Insomnolence- /noun/ sleeplessness.

She heard bells start ringing, a deviant yet extraordinary melody flows from the ends from a selection of variety woodwind and brass instruments, the rhythm of the drums carrying the beat. In a facade of where she was standing petals interconnected in the fields radiate against the moonlight turning its surface to as alluring as a jewel along the sidewalk, looking like a reflection from the awning of stars above the rifts left from fallen leaves. An albatross flutters down onto the freshly sprouted meadow, chirping simultaneously with the breeze.

The air flowing in tranquility with the rising warmth from the atmosphere. Lime green leaves dappled in amber lights glowing in the night sky. Fine embroidered tablecloth draped across long prisms as counters, one on each surface of the walkway with modern wingback chairs lined up all around. The photo-visual outside was looking absolutely picture-perfect.

Fine silk slithered across red bricks, the sound of high heels and dress shoes click against the ground. Carefully stitched white patches to form falling daisies onto her kimono. Her hair twirled up into an upper bun clipped with a white rose. Silver and pearl white jewelry hanging around her neck, attached to her robes and on her shoes.

Her own father was going to give her away.

An elegant ‘el blanco’ wedding, he’d like to call it. Then again, it’s what he wanted the man she was marrying was the one with the money.

A slender, tiny slate black-haired woman plods onward, studying at the patterns on the ground, her father to her right, there was something off about the way he walked- it was rather unusual and his steps were discreet. After walking her path through the precisely placed bricks that formed up little blossoms on the floor she looked up from her bleach-white high heels to the man standing in front of the local priest she recognized.

Aguri was so young, so beautiful.

But yet, had already been spoken for and had no choice.

She couldn’t say his appearance was rather gracious, he looked somewhat average- but the way his eyes narrowed, the second chin popping out below his lower lip. And the way his lips formed a smile gave off an eerie vibe, yet seemed to be unreadable. She had only seen his face in photos prior, but she didn’t know Yanagisawa would look like this.

She stood right in front of him, his gaze directly at her, her gaze skimming through the crowd of people. All of them have the same expression, a faint smile. No extremely positive reactions, no readable negative reactions. Just plain fine smiles or blank expressions.

Aguri supposed they all knew this was arranged.

She paid no attention to the vows being said and the words bounced off her head into the abyss. When it’s her turn to say something, words spilled out of her mouth that she didn’t , nor mattered because at that point no one was paying attention.

The vows almost wrap up.

Aguri trembles.

“He’s such a nice man, you’re lucky,” the word from her own mother echoed.

The man in front of her clasps a hand onto her hip, his left hand clasping her dainty cheeks

Then she fully shuts her eyes feeling the skin of his lips on hers.

She will never be able to sleep in her own bed again, she is now his.

_____

After marrying, Aguri tried to lift her spirits up. She guessed wasn’t at all too bad. They moved into a new house.

A down house with wonders and mysteries. Thousands of eyes staring at anyone who would walk past when the sun goes down. The only light dimly shines through some pine trees. The window frame creaks every time a curtain swishes from the side from the wind. A sense of discomfort shoots down your spine, every time you stroll past. In the dark, the house looks more unsettling than ever- the way the roof is slanted, the multitude of tiny creatures roaming around the property, The weeds growing around the plants are digging into the wooden floors and walls.

They would sleep in separate beds, wake up at separate times, eat at separate ends, walk separate paths, work separate jobs.

But the sight of Yanagisawa after work wasn’t as pleasant. He came home tired. Not choosing a peaceful nap, he was invariably on the verge of insanity. His blood cycle was constantly conscious so whenever he would close his eyes the sound of blood pounding into his earlobes would be enough to keep him awake.

He had offered a job to Aguri, in which she quickly turned down- only to be compromised to be asked again but given more time to think about it. But Yanagisawa was impatient.

Sleep was a burden and quixotic to Yanagisawa.

Forming a stroke of a report on his journal, his lifeless eyes deplete, bleary and rouging turning pearly scarlet from not closing them. Crevices and folds seized the weight around his eyes. Hills of coffee cups like he was falling to a flood of them, the roasted scent suffocating him when he went back home, the atmosphere muggy and sultry causing him to sweat profusely.

The fenestella windows never opened and the walls were black so all the heat was absorbed into the room during the summer, and it never came out. It was like a greenhouse His face unshaven, his build gaunt, broken nails all over the desk for when he got frustrated and chewed them off, bacteria slowly eating it up. Rubber and pencil shavings on the floor, missing the overflowing paper bin. Finished plates with bits of crumbs placed everywhere.

The time is only tallied by numbers, and by that logic, he should be tallying his own lab results instead of letting those numbers roll . The adrenaline of his own ego is the only thing he needed, as soon as he would feel any sort of pain he would find a reason to keep the bloodstream of caffeine and adrenaline going- it pumping through his brain and right hand as he scribbled weights of nonsensical science hypothesizes and formulas on a scrap piece of paper. Stacks upon stacks of paper were on the wooden desk, all not piled up very neatly and with a little rattle of the table would trickle down like snowflakes on a winter’s night. He would do this over and over again- hoping he would gain out of it somehow.

“This is normal. It’s just me working hard.”

“Why does she look at me like that? Has Aguri never worked her ass off? Such a sheltered bitch.” he thinks.

“Why do you never come in? Are you scared of me?”

“One day you’ll thank me for my ways of life,”

This was a man’s cave, somewhere Aguri would only peak in but never step in, she didn’t have the valor or courage for that. His behavior only made Aguri think the job was horrid.

This lead to the constant shouting matches in the hallways in the mornings and the first hole in the wall in the kitchen.

Trapped in a mental ward of his own mind, his personality at work revered even worse. His echoes fill his mind and become even louder- drowning himself in the delusion that he will always be right, no matter the disputation of his logic the thousands of echoes in his head are his own crowd.

A false sense of herd mentality grew and now surrounds him as he builds this crowd by letting his sub coordinates have no chance but to echo his words back, he employed the less fortunate, the ones he knew already had a bad time at home, the ones that he knew would give anything for a job. This project was all about his work, everyone else is a pet to stroke his ego and occasionally give him endeavors.

Aguri didn’t know anything about his behavior at work that lasted until- Yanagisawa demanded something.

That weekend.

_____

“Where are we going?” Aguri asks in the enger seat gazing the building zoom past her window.

“To eat,” Yanagisawa said bluntly.

The car parks right outside your average middle-class restaurant. Neon red sign at the front, wood, and brick making up the interior of the restaurant. The classic red, orange and brown color scheme for your typical restaurant. One bar table aligned on one of the larger windows, tables with groups of two to six seats around them and three cushioned booths.

Aguri and Yanagisawa sit at one of these booths end to end, their eyes not meeting. Yanagisawa immediately waved to the waitress to order.

“Sir would you like a menu-”

“Two steaks, medium-rare for two,” the waitress jots down his order.

“Is there anything else here?” Aguri nonchalantly asks Yanagisawa.

“I mean, I am buying the food you know,” He states bluntly. "Don't mind her, it's her first time eating here, she doesn't know how good the steak is here, he smirks at the manager

“So, what brings us here?” Aguri asks.

“You will have to take up this job in my business.” He states formally.

“But I’m happy working as a teac-”

“But we need to boost business.” Yanagisawa’s love of power arose within him, as a high-class scientist running a business, he wanted more power.

The food arrives.

Yanagisawa gulps it up like he’s been a starving cannibal who hasn’t seen a piece of meat for years, but still keeps some sense of charm in public. Aguri daintily cuts her steak in an elegant manner into pieces while eating up her chips with a fork.

“I’m giving you a perfectly better job here, why wouldn’t you except it over teaching a couple of dozen brats?” He groans.

“But I love my job,” She murmured.

“Well, it would be awful to let your parents down if you turned down this offer right? After all, that’s why they married you off to me,” he murmurs back, asserting his dominance.

“Plus, why are you taking up a shitty job? I like your ion for science. I don’t understand why you would take teaching even though I’d rather have you work in the lab,” he continues.

“It’s what I want to do, and my sister Akari helped me along the way,” she tried her best to project her voice without screaming.

“Akari, huh.”

“Well look at her, she took her own path and became successful,”

“Bloody hell, for fuck’s sake she’s such a loud-mouthed bigot, blinded by popularity. She doesn’t know what hard work is for shit,”

“You don’t know her, she’s encouraging and nice,”

Incorrect, Yanagisawa had talked and swooned the praise of the Yukimura previously in order for them to become fond of him so he could marry someone who may have use to him.

Akari was no exception, he could tell they had a close relationship, but Yanagisawa wanted Aguri to himself and communication with other people outside their relationship should be strictly business-related so he had control over what was going on. He thought he was the only man of the house. Aren’t wives meant to cater to the male’s needs, I mean thousands upon thousands of stories say so, and that is also how his parents operated when they were at home.

“You want to talk about this at home,” he asks.

Aguri hesitates to think, but she feels exposed out here so she says “Alright then, if you say so.”

_____

“So you don’t want to take up the job at all?” he yells furiously.

So that did not make anything better.

Purple and crimson red flowers bloomed on her chest and neck. Petals formed from the fingers he laid on her. Stems and thorns formed from any scratch inflicted. Aguri would struggle but only more petals would appear when she would try to get him off her in the middle of the hallway. Yanagisawa could fight better than her in every way, their feet scraping the carpet.

There was no way to call for help.

After taking in his anger- blow after blow it finally came to a stop, he watched her limp down in the middle of the hallway.

“You’re taking the job. It doesn’t matter if we are rich or poor, happy or sad, we need this project to be done and that’s final,” he shouts at her. He goes into the bedroom shuts the door.

Clank, crash.

Yanagisawa throws a vase at the wall.

And that’s when Aguri realizes, this isn’t right at all.

_____

Aguri starts working full time at the lab, part-time in the school.

At the end of the day, her wrists ache, a bowling ball of weight is placed on her eyelids, as she slants down on her wooden chair. So many papers, so many coffee cups, the roasted cinnamon smell spicing up her sense.

But there was so much more work to do.

Aguri felt so disconnected. Her mind didn’t feel like it belonged in her body, her body not communicating with her brain. Her head was in a psychedelic craze- colors spinning around, the focus of the lens of her eyes weren’t focusing properly but her hand was just scribbling word for word on paper like it was the only part alive in her body.

It turned to the point when even if she did try to go to sleep- she would just blankly stare at the ceiling, her paralyzed eyes fixated on a red, blue and green shift that would outline the shadows of leaves outside, white transparent worms slithering across her vision, her inability to move in a different position yet still have eyes wide open and her face expressionless and dead.

More than anything she was becoming like him. A raging insomniac. The day before she yelled furiously at one of her students Okano, the dirty and confused stares startled her as she went to sit back down on the teacher’s chair.

She was starting to feel like the same insomnolence he felt. Nothing but work, and more work compelled her to not bother with anything, it was insanity.

______

Something shot her. She made a request, now she was lying on the stone wreck of the lab. Watching it go to pieces and ash. Watching all his and everyone else’s hard work disappear.

Years of wasted time and hard work- yet she felt peaceful.

This was the end. She could finally close her eyes.

Finally, sleep.

The moon shines brightly turning her dusty lab coat to a dreamy pearly silver, the stars and sky work in coordination as a blanket for her deathbed.

She could envision a life where she had a choice- some degree of basic human rights, laughing with her sister to the end of her days, starting her own school near a local lake in an aesthetically pleasing wooden building with blossoms and vines while the students studied in different areas of the forest.

Letting go and the idea of a restart felt so good.

And even never liking or understanding Yanagisawa she hoped he’d let go of the slithering tentacles of his project.

But he was too blinded by his ego that he never realised letting go of his work would make anything better.

It was too late, he would never realise this.

Therefore, it only got worse for him.

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That's the end, I hope you didn't hate it.

thanks for looking at my blog ! ~•

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꒰ ⌨˚ ͙۪۪̥. ﹫g out ...❜