Pucci's Isekai Confessional Service

Before you ask, yes I am still on hiatus. I don’t take part in a lot of challenges because I am l a z y, but this confession one was too good to up so here I am with a b who knows how long. There are a lot of different confessions one can make, and just as I thought, a lot of people have written really nice, long and serious confessions. Now I could have done that too but due to the influence of a certain person I have lost the ability to do so. I did the best I could with my idea, and I hope it serves as a mood lightener and breath of fresh air amongst all the other entries.

#MyConfession

#FanserviceCult

#QueenoftheCourtverdict

#WtfQueen

Disclaimer

This blog is a 100% joke and isn’t meant to be taken seriously. Please don’t get offended because r e l i g i o n

This blog will also contain spoilers for the ending of JoJo Part 6

Why do people confess? What is the catalyst that spurs them to own up to something or profess their feelings to someone else? The answer to that isn’t definite. Sometimes the weight of the secret you’re hiding finally takes its toll on you or sometimes to move forward in life, you have to it something which will allow you to move on from the past that’s been holding you back. Other times its because you want the other person to take note of all the thoughts that you’d kept hidden within yourself. Whatever the reason may be, one thing is there in common amongst all confessions- after you’ve confessed, it feels like a load has been lifted off your back and you can once again walk with a spring in your step (unless you’ve confessed to murder or something, in which case, have fun behind bars :D). That being so, I’m sure you all must want to confess something by now. Here’s the thing though, it isn’t as easy as some people make it out to be. Laying your feelings bare before someone takes a lot of courage and mental preparation. Its not really something you can do in the spur of the moment (if you can then kudos to you, you have nerves of steels). There’s also the problem that someone might judge you for your confession and make light of the situation. What you need, is someone who will listen to what you have to say and perhaps give you some advice on what to do from that moment henceforth.

Enter Enrico Pucci, a slim dark skinned man with white hair. Priest of Green Dolphin Prison, whore of Dio, this man has come across his share of sinners who’ve had something to confess to him. You see, churches have this handy dandy thing called a confessional. Its basically this booth (not a literal box, what a disappointment I know) in which you can anonymously confess your sins to  a priest so that they can be forgiven by God. You go in and there’s a partition between you and the priest so that you both can’t see each other as you confess about why you’re the scum of the earth (I see you with that body pillow of your waifu; d i s g u s t i n g).

After having his plans to achieve heaven thwarted by Jolyne and co., and narrowly escaping being poisoned by Emporio, he decided to give up on attaining heaven. He decided that he would instead start a confessional service and listen to the woes of the common man. Though he couldn’t achieve Dio’s perfect world, he still felt content worshipping him behind doors.

Welcome to a day in the life of Enrico Pucci, priest and a retired fanatic.

Morning, 6 am

Pucci starts his day early, because as everyone knows ‘early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise’. He goes about taking care of his routine little problem (I am dying as I write this) by sifting through certain books depicting sexual acts between him and Dio known as ‘doujinshi; this ritual of his takes about 20 minutes. Following this, he showers, eats his breakfast, and then he gets ready for work. For those of you thinking that Pucci merely listens to the confessions of the people who live in the area, you couldn’t be further from the truth.

You see, Pucci doesn’t run just any confessional service- he runs an IsEkAi service. This means that no matter which part of the world you’re in, if you dial the number mentioned on the flyer you get transported to the confessional for as long as it takes you to confess. Pretty neat innit? From idols to gangsters, hikikomoris to adventurers, Pucci’s seen it all, or should I say…..hEArd it all (please kill me for this joke).

Today is a day like no other. He sits in the confessional and waits for his first sinner, uh customer.

At the same time in another world:

“Oi Darkness, how about next time you actually help us with the quest instead of using yourself as a human shield” Kazuma chides the busty blonde as the party of 4 walk back home dripping in slime.

“But I was helping out. Don’t you see, if I hadn’t allowed myself to be swallowed by the frog first then it would have been you or Megumin ,and without you both there would have been no hope for us. So you see, I actually did you a favor”.

“Hey, what about me Darkness, aren’t I useful too?”Aqua quipped from behind.

Silence. No one said anything.

“WHY ARE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS ! DON’T YOU REALISE I’M A GODDESS AND YOU SHOULD BE MORE SERVILE TO ME”( `ε´ )

As they ed by Wiz’s shop, Darkness noticed a flyer on the window of the shop. It read ‘Pucci’s Isekai Confessional- Confess your sin and get rid of your worry! Call 6969420 to learn more’

That got her attention. You see, for the last few days something had been plaguing her mind. She had a secret which she desperately needed to tell someone. She couldn’t tell any of her party for they were sure to make fun of her. This Pucci guy’s service seemed like her best bet.

Immediately after washing away the slime at home, she made her way to the store to find out more about the flyer on the window. According to Wiz, all one had to do was use a contraption called a ‘telephone’ to avail the service. The strange device called a telephone had a dial which could be rotated to enter numbers. She reluctantly dialled the number when suddenly there was a blinding light and her body felt lighter than usual. In a couple of minutes the light dissipated and her weight returned to normal.

She looked around and realised she was sitting in a booth with a partition in front of her. As she wondered what on earth was going on, a deep voice startled her.

“I see you’ve decided to use my confessional service” the voice from the other side of partition stated.

“Um, I don’t exactly know what this is. What am I supposed to say?”she questioned

“It’s simple really. You just have to confess your sins and ask for forgiveness.”

‘B-but, I don’t think that I have any sins to confess”.

“Lust is a very grave sin young woman”.

WHAT! How did he know that she had a sexual secret ¿ Who was this man :0

Pucci can’t read minds. However, he can use his stand Whitesnake to extract their memory in the form of disks. In this way, he can find out what is troubling the confessor and gently coax them to confess it themselves. You might think hey, this isn’t anonymous if he can use his stand to access their memory! You’re right, it isn’t. but like I mentioned earlier, this isn’t your run of the mill confessional service, and as such the traditional rules don’t apply.

“Why don’t you start by telling me your name”.

“Its Darkness.”

“No, I want your real name”.

There was no hiding anything from him Darkness realised

“I-its Dustiness Ford Lalatina” she blushed and said

“What a pretty name, why did you have to hide it from me ?”.

“Its been girly and constantly reminds me that I’m part of a noble family and embarrasses me. I don’t want to be known as some rich young lady, I want to be known for my skills and prowess as an crusader.

“My, how honorable of you. Pray tell me, why is it that you decided to become an crusader?

“I..uh..um..well..I LIKE HELPING PEOPLE IN NEED AND I WANT TO DEFEAT THE DEMON KING SOMEDAY !!!!!”

“Is that so. Somehow, I get the feeling you’re not telling me the truth”Pucci’s voice got even closer as he leaned in, as if whispering in her ear

“I- I have nothing but pure intentions”

“Well I never mentioned anything about you having impure intentions. Are you trying to suggest something?”

Well shit. From the frying pan into the fire.

“God doesn’t take too kindly to liars Miss Lalatina. Aren’t you part of a church? I thought you would have known this.”

The thought of disappointing Eris-sama made her frown.

She had to confess. But, it was such an embarrassing thing to say out loud, and to a stranger nonetheless. Then again, maybe it was for the best that she didn’t know this man. It would be easy to pretend it never happened. Should…she do it?

It wouldn’t be that weird would it ?

After all, it was only human to feel that way.

And it was the reason that the species hadn’t died out.

It was a natural feeling right?

Right

rIGht

RIGHT

RIGHTTT

“OK, I’ll say it. I-I must confess…that...that..THAT

I’M A HARDCORE MASOCHIST!

I love it when Kazuma thinks of me as filth and gazes upon my form with a lecherous look in his eyes. I want him to all sorts of things to me against my will. Also, I lied earlier. The reason I became an crusader is because I want the Demon King to have his way with me; I want him to do this and that to me while I can only cry in response (Jesus Christ what am I even writing). I want pain to be inflicted on me which is why I offer up my body as a human shield. I want to have a useless good for nothing husband who is deep in debt and will then tell me to give up my body for money” she said all in one breath, all the while panting heavily.

A dark red blush marred her face as she sheepishly looked down and twirled the ends of her dress in her hands. She was embarrassed yes, but at the same time there was another feeling within in her. Was it..relief? She felt as if the burden of the world had been lifted off her shoulders after her confession. She’d struggled to come to with her feelings, but now that they were out in the open she felt so much better. The unknown man had been right after all.

“I take it that you have accepted that feeling that was raging within you for so long”

“I, yes, I think have. I didn’t expect it to be so liberating. Of course, that doesn’t take away from the fact that I’m still humiliated that I itted this to a stranger, but then again, I suppose that adds to the thrill of it.”

“Ok this is getting out of hand now” Pucci thought to himself.

“Didn’t you mention youre a priest or something, Mr.. Pucci was it? Since lust is a cardinal sin, shouldn’t I be punished or something?

Punish me father for I have sinned”

Oh god

What have I even written

Someone please kill me

“Alright Miss Lalatina, I think we are done for the day.”

“Whaat, but, but..I haven’t even payed you. Would you like my body as a payment. I wouldn’t mind at all. In fact, go ahead and do whatever you want with me”

“No its fine. Thank you very much, we are done”

And with that Darkness suddenly found herself back in Wiz’s shop. Grinning to herself (much to Wiz and Vanir’s confusion) she made her way back to the mansion. Now that’d she voiced out her feelings she felt she could probably confess to Kazuma too now.

Meanwhile, Pucci wiped the sweat off his face as he mentally prepared himself for the next confession. Some sessions could be quite gruelling, especially when the confessor had something sexual to confess. At times, the confessor would even ramble on and on without actually getting to the point which could be annoying, but then again he was making money by listening to them so he didn’t have room to complain.

He shuddered as he ed a particularly exhausting confessional from a week ago.

The man on the other side of the partition had been a tall, lean, smartly dressed blonde. He carried himself well, though he seemed to try his best to not stick out. He had introduced himself in the following way-

“My name is Yoshikage Kira. I’m 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don’t smoke, but I occasionally drink. I’m in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I’m trying to explain that I’m a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn’t lose to anyone.”

Obligatory part 4 joke because haha funny

Pucci was quite sure that the man could have gone on for longer if he hadn’t told him to stop. He still couldn’t believe that the man had confessed to popping a boner at the sight on the Mona Lisa’s hands. The world sure was filled with strange people.

As he thought back on that encounter, he felt the presence of another person- the next confessor was here.

Any guesses for who it is ? It’s the resident pedophile, Hisoka Morow.

The red head had noticed the flyer when he’d made his way out of Heavens Arena. Now, it’s not like he felt burdened by his secret, he just wanted to tell someone, and Illumi sure as hell wouldn’t be one bit interested.

“Good day to you Mr.. ?”Pucci greeted him while asking for his name

“Hisoka. Greetings to you as well Priest. Your voice, its deep, but just to make sure..how old are you?”

“I’m 39. I am as you say Mr Hisoka, no longer ‘ripe’.”

“What a shame, I’d have quite liked to have some fun with you.”Hisoka shamelessly drawled.

“I..I see. That’s uh..flattering in a way. Moving on, I believe you have something to say?”

“Hmmmm, do I? I wonder.”Hisoka grinned and rested his hand on his shoulder as he tried his hardest to figure out who was behind the partition.

“Perhaps I could help. There is a young boy in your life, is there not?”

“Oh my, you seem to know a lot about me. How is that so Priest. Do you have some sort of power?”

“I have my ways. You could say that god himself has blessed me”he answered as he thought of the times he spent with his beloved Dio. Ah, that night under the stars had truly been wonderful….

“Alright, alright. Keep your secrets. I for one, have none to hide.” Hisoka smugly said.

“I’d think deep and hard Mr Hisoka, is there really nothing at all?”Pucci pressed on, trying to squeeze the confession out of him so that he could call it a day and get some rest.

“Deep and hard..

dEeP aNd haRD

DEEP AND HARD

I WANT TO GO DEEP AND HARD

OH

OHhhHhhHhHhH

gONnnnNNNnnNN

AAaaAAhhAHhah”

Hisoka moaned. Loudly. Pucci wanted to kill himself.

“You win Priest, I must confess that I absolutely love young boys who haven’t matured yet. It makes me so excited when I think of fighting them when they’ve reached their peak potential. I get so incredibly aroused by the thought of killing them. Oh gOn, when will you reach your peak, I just can’t wait to beat you up real good”.

And with that, Hisoka found himself back in his room in the Heavens Arena. He was sweating profusely as he sadistically smiled and let out a chuckle at the events that had transpired.

Meanwhile, Pucci was absolutely mortified by what he had just heard. Sure, he’d had an idea as to what Hisoka had wanted to confess, but knowing didn’t make it any better. Poor Pucci, what a hard day this had been. First, a thirsty woman had confessed to being a masochist, then a paedophiliac man had confessed to wanting to f-

He immediately ended his train of thought. He couldn’t do this anymore. Anymore  confessions after these two would ensure the loss of his sanity.

And people wondered why he had wanted to reset the world.

He gingerly stepped out of the booth and made his way home. Tonight was going to be a long night. Good thing for him he had his Dio body pillow to cling to while he sleeps.

The End

IDK what is this cursed entry I’ve written. I think I need help :( Had a blast writing this and making the edits (ik they’re pretty shit but I’m learning ok).

If yOu’Re reading this then I like you :’)

See you in another blog after half a year hahahah