let's go home

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"There's something about childhood friends that you just can't replace". Sounds cheesy? I know it does. But you see, it is very true. I have been a firm believer of this statement for a long time now. It's a special statement because it always reminds me of you, my childhood best friend. We've been together since forever. Ok, not forever but for a really long time now. I have seen your everything. Been through your journey, seen your struggles , saw you cry and saw you laugh and fall in love. Literally everything. I'm very proud of of you because you aren't the same person that I met back before when we were just little kids. You have grown up and matured a lot. You have started fighting your battles on your own. You have become much more sociable and free. It wasn't like that earlier. It was an entirely different story back then. That is why I like the way you had been shaped in your life. Finally, you have become free.

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You were timid, shy and small the first time I saw you. You were sitting near the bridge reading a book. Reading a book! Even though we were really young at that time, you were reading a book which looked tough. That's just like you! You were reading it with such deep concentration that I was amazed. But somehow you looked lonely and I suddenly felt like talking to you. When we first talked you used replied only in few words. I understood that you had a tough time in talking with people but I really liked the way you talked with me in that timid manner and I wanted to help you lose that loneliness. So I asked you to become my friend. I was really glad when you accepted my offer. I didn't know much about you when were little. I mean, I knew how you were and how you behaved and about your shyness but nothing much about your family. I just knew that you lived with your mother. Honestly, we never really talked about that either. We started spending more time together and we became really close to each other in matter of time. As we grew, I ired you for being honest and caring even though you weren't very much sociable and still shy. But that never bothered me. You were my best friend and I accepted you the way you were. I'm really glad that you were my best friend.

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I was really proud of you when I came to know about your crush on Rize. Until now, you weren't even able to talk to boys properly let alone a girl. And here you had a crush on a older girl like Rize. I understood why you had a crush on her. She was just like you. Quiet and always reading book. Maybe you felt connected to her. Anyways, both of us didn't know the truth that time. The truth that Rize was dangerous. And I pushed you to talk to her because I was glad to see my friend opening upto someone else. I never really thought that you'd confess but you did and maybe that wasn't a good thing afterall.Your life changed after that. That one incident made your boring life totally dangerous and adventurous. In the start, I was oblivious to all this. I didn't knew what had happened between you and Rize. After I came to know about the accident and all, I was so shocked. It was really something that none of us would ever imagine. But mostly, I was just worried sick about you. You barely answered my calls and never texted. You stopped coming to the college and no one saw you. I came to meet you but you stopped me. I was confused and angry. What the hell were you thinking? I would've helped you if you would've told me but you just cut me off. But then I understood why you were behaving in that manner.

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I thought that I'd never see you again. But then you came to the university one day. I was so happy to see you safe that all my anger melted and all I could do was hug you tightly. But there was a change. You were wearing an eye patch on one of your eye. You lied to me about that patch, saying that it was nothing. But it was. I saw some changes in your behaviour too. You'd flinch easily and remained quite for most of the time. You barely smiled and you spoke in a really low voice. I knew something was really wrong with you. But you never really opened up to me, did you? I had to find it on my own. And I did. After the incident with Nishiki senpai, I came to know that you've turned into a ghoul, a half ghoul to be precise. It was a horrifying news. Normally, anyone would leave right? That's probably the best way to deal with it. But how could I ? You were my best friend and I couldn't even begin to imagine the pain that you've gone through those past weeks. I couldn't leave you at any cost. Not when you had gone through so much all alone. I wanted to protect you. So I tried putting a smile on your face so that I could do something to help you. I didn't want you to know that I knew your secret. It would've hurted you so I kept quiet. Just like you did. I understood that you were basically in trauma after all this. You didn't want to bother me or make me worry about this. You thought that I would leave you if I knew, isn't it? Were you a fool that time!? I would've never left you, baka. I would never leave you. Never.

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Suddenly we stopped hanging out . You were busy in Anteiku as a waiter and I didn't want to make you hang out with me when you were busy. So the frequency of our meeting reduced. I was never angry about that. I just wanted to know more about you since you never really told me anything. It was my worry that was making me do things for your sake. I learned about all of your new fights and involvement with some of the very dangerous ghoul. We still met at Anteiku but it was different now. You had others to help you out . But I wanted to help you out too. Since childhood, you clinged onto me. We were together most of the time. We knew each others lies and truths. We knew each other. But suddenly that changed. There was a part of you that you didn't want me to know. A part that you didn't want to share. A part that was your present existence forever. And it made me upset to know that there is a thing that you can't share with me. Obviously you didn't want me to know and worry but I wanted to know it from you, baka.

I felt lonely when I saw you interacting more with Anteiku's staff than with me. Stupid, right? But I couldn't ignore my feelings. I understood that I was being selfish and that only they could really help you out but I felt helpless and lonely. My best friend was in trouble and I couldn't even help him out. I felt pathetic. There was a part of your life that I couldn't ever know and share. And so I decided to CCG so that I could help you from far. I never told you though. I just didn't want to see your built up confidence and strength crumbling down. It would hurt both of us. Honestly, I ired you so much at that time. You were nothing a bookworm back then with very less self esteem. You were always timid and shy and hardly opened up to anyone. But here you were now. Fighting ghouls and battling with your inner ghoul. On top of it, you were a ghoul who everyone had their eye on. It was so much pressure that anyone would've been crushed but you didn't and it made me so happy. And so we continued to work secretly, something that we've never done before.

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Like I said before, our meetings stopped. We were both busy and did not have much time to spend hanging out. Both of us were too involved in our lives to do that. Slowly, I even stopped seeing you at Anteiku too. You weren't there most of the time and I knew that you were out somewhere fighting with ghouls. Naturally, I wanted to know more and so I started working more hours at the CCG. I came to know about the Owl Mission where they offered me to fight. I wasn't a coward but it did make me think twice before I agreed. And I was glad that I did because that meant that I would finally get to see you, my ghoul friend. I distinctly that day. It was dark and clouds were heavy. There were millions of soldiers orderly arranged on the roads. All of them wore elaborate armours and there were some really cool looking machines. There was dead silence and everyone looked so unsure about the future. Everyone had fear in their eyes and the mood was tense. At that moment, I only thought about you. I wanted to see you again and cherish that old friend of mine. I wanted to see you , see how much you've grown and how were you doing. At the same time, I was aware of the fact that there was a great war that was going to happen at any moment.

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But I didn't care anymore. I was in Anteiku when you saw me and then we met after a long time. Both of us were surprised after seeing each other. It thought of making a coffee which was a bad idea. Then I got a closer look at you and honestly, you had changed so much from the last time I've seen you. Your black hair was gone and now you had this white hair which looked really cool and gave you a badass look. You spoke in the same low voice but I could see the confidence and pain that you've gone through. You were trying to hide that black and red ghoul eye from me. That made me chuckle.

"I knew, Kankei. "

You looked surprised and hid your face in your palm, embarrassed. I know I should've been mad at you but I couldn't. I was seeing you after such a long time so how could I ? Your expression seemed cold and I wanted to see you smile and talk to you once more. Even if it was for the last time. Yes. Last time. I overlooked the fact that someone had stabbed me during the fight. I screwed up. But I didn't feel the pain anymore and kept on smiling to reassure my long time best friend. I didn't want to make you worry about me. You had suffered more than anyone else and I wanted to listen to his worries so I kept quiet. In that moment, everything flashed in my mind and I told you the truth of how lonely I felt without you as you spent your time with your new ghoul friends. I knew it was wrong to tell you but it would mean betrayal if I never told you the truth. I'm glad that you accepted it with a smile. I apologized to you for being useless and not be able to help you out much. I was so relieved seeing you there, safe and sound just like old times.

I stood up to hug you but the pain in my stomach made me tumble down. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't strong like you. So I did whatever I could in the safest route possible. But it ended up like this. My body couldn't take it anymore but I didn't want to leave crying. So I smiled looking at you. My legs gave away but you hold onto me. Looking at you made me feel so relieved and safe. I didn't know what it was but all I wanted in that moment was to be with you just like the old times. But that can't happen, right? Because slowly my time was up and both of us knew what lay ahead. I looked at your surprised expression but I just gave you a smile. I never wanted things to turn out this way. I never wanted us to be separated like this and I did not want you to suffer anymore. You had already dealt enough and I wanted you to feel safe and comforted. I wanted you to feel just like at home. So I whispered one last thing before my body gave up on me.

"Let's go home."

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Opl credit: Ally